The Wildest Reveals From Lukas Gage's Memoir 'I Wrote This For Attention'

Celebrity By TooFab Staff | 10/14/2025 10:51 AM PT

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In his heartbreaking, yet darkly funny memoir, "I Wrote This For Attention," Lukas Gage opens up about his difficult upbringing, rise to fame, his borderline personality disorder diagnosis, and more. The White Lotus and Euphoria actor, 30, gets candid about wild and traumatic experiences -- including being allegedly molested as a child by a camp counselor, his shotgun wedding to Chris Appleton, and the time he found out his partner was cheating on him after he discovered he got two STDs. Read on for the wildest reveals from Gage's memoir. Disclaimer: The following contains instances of sexual abuse, drug use, and descriptions of mental health.

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Gage Recalls Being Molested at Summer Camp

Gage says he was molested by a camp counselor -- whom he described as a "handsome Australian in his twenties" -- when he attended acting summer camp in Lake Arrowhead when he was 11. According to Gage, one night, he and his crush, Nina, were kissing in a tent, before they were discovered by the counselor, who unzipped the tent and came inside. "It's all right … I won't tell anyone what you're doing if you wanna keep going," Gage recalled the counselor saying. He went on, "Something shifted in me. I wouldn't get in trouble. I could perform for him. He unzipped his pants as he started moving closer. I knew it was wrong as it was happening. It was wrong of him. It was wrong that I was a little turned on, that I felt uncomfortable, that I felt nothing at all. It was wrong that I loved the thrill of doing something forbidden. My skin felt dirty, and my stomach tensed with fear." As he and Nina continued to follow the man’s instructions, Gage said he felt "so disconnected" and "detached" from himself, adding that "the counselor made a noise of relief and came on my sleeping bag. And then that was it. It was over." Gage shared in his book that he didn't address the traumatic incident until many years later, when he was in therapy in his late 20s, during which he was ultimately diagnosed with BPD.

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He Was Taken to a Teen Wilderness Bootcamp in the Middle of the Night

In his book, Gage recalled his experiences with alcohol and drugs growing up, while also detailing his older brother Cory’s battle with heroin addiction, and how it impacted his family. When he was 13, Gage stole a couple of Vicodin pills and stored them in a red LEGO box. "I briefly thought of Mom and how much it would destroy her to know her youngest son was starting down a path similar to my brother's. But maybe feelings were overrated," he wrote. While spending the following Father's Day weekend at his dad's house, Gage was awakened in the middle of the night, and taken by two "kidnappers" in a white van to a wilderness bootcamp for troubled teens, where he was forced into grueling activities and later admitted lying to his family and struggling with angry outbursts. During an activity, Gage created "SOS letters" in an attempt to escape, asking the reader to call his mom. He was ultimately caught by the drill sergeant and thrown out into the "wilderness" by himself. When the program finally ended and his mom picked him up, Gage was shocked to learn that it wasn't his father who set him up, but his mother as well. He recalled his mom saying, “I found those pills in your room … It killed me doing that to you, but I didn’t know what else to do, I was so worried."

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Gage Got Two STDs From an Ex, Who Claimed It Was 'Malibu Bacteria'

After returning home to Los Angeles from the UK after filming Netflix's "You," Gage and his then-partner -- whom he referred to as "The Ex" -- were trying to work on their relationship. However, one day while coming out of the ocean in Malibu, Gage said he experienced "a tingling sensation on my penis," writing that the tip "looked like a raw, red stoplight." While he noted that the "burning sensation" worsened, his partner didn’t seem concerned, and "kept insisting that it was likely some kind of bacteria." After "running out of explanations for why my penis felt like it was marinated in Tabasco," Gage asked his partner if it was an STD, which he denied. The next day, Gage wrote that his "d--k was leaking toxic waste like Chernobyl," and the Ex took him to the doctor. Before going in, Gage said he gave his partner "one last chance" to confess that he had cheated on him, to which the Ex denied and again claimed the actor had "some Malibu bacteria." However, the doctor’s visit proved otherwise: Gage had two STDs -- gonorrhea and chlamydia, which he described as a "double homicide." He then detailed the aftermath. "A shot in the ass. A round of antibiotics. Then came the confrontation -- the arguments, the shouting, and the tears. The STD was the least of my worries. What was a bigger pain in my ass than the shot in my ass was knowing I had handed him the truth on a silver platter -- a chance to come clean, no strings attached, no judgment -- and he had still lied to my face," Gage wrote.

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Gage Reflects on His Viral Audition Video

In 2020, Gage went viral after he posted a clip of an unnamed director criticizing his apartment during a virtual audition in a hot mic moment. "psa: if youre a s--t talking director make sure to mute ur mic on zoom mtgings," he captioned the post at the time. In the short clip, Gage can be seen preparing for the audition when the director is overheard telling a third person, "These poor people in these tiny apartments. I'm looking at his background, and he's got his TV, and…" (The director later identified himself as Tristram Shapeero and apologized). In his book, Gage recalled the moment he decided to post the clip while on the set of “The White Lotus,” and his reaction when he was met with widespread support across Hollywood. "The praise was coming from everywhere -- Seth MacFarlane, the Jonas Brothers, people I never expected to know I existed. strangers around the world congratulated me on how composed, strong, and brave I was," he wrote. He admitted to then experiencing an "all-consuming dread" about going "viral," before he went to the most "famous person available," Jennifer Coolidge, who gave his "the best advice" he's ever received: "Who cares?!"

Watch the Clip Here!

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His Hilarious First Encounter with Jennifer Coolidge on The White Lotus Set

In his book, Gage detailed his epic first meeting with his White Lotus co-star, Jennifer Coolidge, in 2020. Following his two-week quarantine in Hawaii, he recalled how he went outside his room for the first time only to run into Coolidge, who had lost her phone. While Gage jokingly admitted that he was "full of s--t" and his phone was "superglued to my hand," he lied to Coolidge, saying, "God, me too. I do that all the time," to which she replied, per Gage, "Oh good, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm Jennifer." Gage also said Coolidge complimented his "incredible hair."

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'Big-Penis Disorder': Gage Opens Up About Borderline Personality Disorder Diagnosis

Gage detailed the events that ultimately led to his borderline personality disorder (BPD) diagnosis. He recalled how, at 27, he punched a glass door in a moment of "rage" following a breakup. After hitting "rock bottom" following a "rampage in Miami," he took the "advice" of his loved ones and finally went to therapy, and was ultimately diagnosed with BPD. When the therapist first brought up the mental health condition, and asked him if he's ever "heard of BPD," Gage joked, "Big-penis disorder?" According to Gage, he was told he had "eight of nine markers" for BPD, "Outbursts? Clearly. Abandonment issues? Sure. All-or-nothing relationships? Obviously. Distorted identity? Check. Check. Check,” he wrote. Gage further opened up about his diagnosis, sharing that it feels "like being trapped inside a rage cage," using Jekyll and Hyde as an example. "I struggle daily with the disconnect between the person I am inside and the one the disorder forces out into the world," he later added. "And the hardest part? Telling people. The disorder is so stigmatized, and the moment someone learns I have BPD, it's like it becomes all they see. Every emotion, every reaction is suddenly under a microscope. My feelings are no longer just feelings -- they're symptoms. Even though that’s true, I still resent it, the version of me that’s not the disease exists within me, too, and he doesn’t deserve to be labeled like that! Okay, maybe he does."

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He Recalls Being in a ‘Hypermanic’ Episode During Chris Appleton Wedding

In his book, Gage looked back on his shotgun Las Vegas wedding to Chris Appleton, which was officiated by Kim Kardashian, and documented on an episode of "The Kardashians." Noting how friends expressed concern after they watched the footage, Gage recalled that he was in a "hypermanic" episode at the time. "[My friends] were texting me things like, 'You didn’t seem well.' They were right. I wasn't well -- not at all. I was caught somewhere in and out of hypermanic episodes. And I'm not using those words colloquially. Living with BPD has meant that I’ve dealt with these highs and lows my whole life -- which explains some of the impulsive decisions (which may or may not include me getting married, or may or may not include me agreeing to write this book)," he wrote, adding that "sometimes the search for the right medications can backfire, worsening the very symptoms they’re meant to treat."

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The Wildest Reveals From Lukas Gage's Memoir 'I Wrote This For Attention'

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