Ally Brooke Says Being 'Scarred' By X Factor Made Her Hesitant to Join Surreal Life (Exclusive)

In an interview with TooFab at the virtual junket for the MTV reality series, the former Fifth Harmony member shared why her time on The X Factor made her hesitant to join Surreal Life: Villa of Secrets.

"My reservations before were ... I was anxious about not knowing anybody, about being filmed all the time about ... how they would edit me," Brooke, 31, said, "because I didn't have a good experience with the previous show I was on, X Factor, and that scarred me."

"But at the same time, I wanted a challenge," she continued, sharing more about what inspired her to join the show. "I wanted an experience. I wanted an adventure. So ultimately, that's why I ended up doing it, and I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone."

Fifth Harmony -- which consisted of Brooke, Camila Cabello, Normani, Dinah Jane and Lauren Jauregui -- was formed on The X Factor back in 2012. Cabello left the girl group in December 2016, and Fifth Harmony went on indefinite hiatus in March 2018 to focus on solo projects. Brooke has released multiple singles, including several in Spanish, and she released her memoir, Finding Your Harmony: Dream Big, Have Faith, and Achieve More Than You Can Imagine, in 2020.

However, as she admitted on Surreal Life: Villa of Secrets, she hadn't fully opened up about her experience in the music industry until now.

In addition to Brooke, the show also stars Kim Zolciak, Chet Hanks, Tyler Posey, Macy Gray, O.T. Genasis, Josie Canseco, and Johnny Weir.

On Tuesday's episode, Brooke broke down and had a panic attack after seeing her costars open up and be vulnerable. She left the table hyperventilating and in tears, and asked Posey to come outside with her. The Teen Wolf star helped calm her down, before Brooke then got candid about what triggered her anxiety.

"I'm not sure why I was feeling that way. It just all of a sudden hit me. I think it's hard not to feel like I have to be 'on,'" Brooke told Posey, adding that she feels "guarded" when she's "on."

"I haven't really opened up about really what I went through in the industry, but it was just terrible," she continued. "Some of the worst things people can do and what they're capable of, and it's all for greed. As an artist, there's not really many things you're protected [from]."

Brooke said she's "trying to be a voice" for others in the industry so they "don't have to go through what [she] went through."

"I felt, in Fifth Harmony, I had to be 'on' constantly," she shared in a confessional. "I had to mask my emotions, and it was just so much pressure. Sometimes it was just unbearable. And that kind of carries on to today in ways for me."

She admitted to Posey that her "walls [were] being broken" by being on the show.

While speaking with TooFab, Brooke said her experience on Surreal Life helped her work through her past "trauma."

"I definitely have a lot of trauma from Fifth Harmony. Just being in the business, it's brutal and people can be really just, they can be pretty terrible," she explained. "I feel like in ways I did -- when I did open up about some of the things in Fifth Harmony -- I got so much affirmation from my castmates and I got a lot of encouragement from them, and you know, just even feeling the pressures of having to feel like you have to be 'on' all the time."

"I opened up about that on the show," she added. "I opened up about just trying to balance that and just being real and vulnerable. So it was nice to be able to talk through that with a group of people who were trying to, who understood you, and who were there to just encourage you."

When asked if she was ultimately happy about her decision to join Surreal Life after filming, Brooke said, "Oh yes. Oh my god. I didn't wanna leave. I guess you'll have to see that, but I didn't wanna leave at the end."

Surreal Life: Villa of Secrets airs Tuesday nights on MTV.