The 5th Judge for 'America's Got Talent' Premiere: Musical Chicken, Sad Clown and Tyra Banks

Who do I think I am? you ask. Well, I spent nearly a decade of my life sweating and bleeding to the music as a dancer. From a young boy learning a shuffle-ball-change to performing with the St. Louis Ballet Company, I experienced the ups and downs of one of the most difficult physically demanding sports on the planet. During this time, I was also a member of the St. Louis Symphony Youth Orchestra, as well as a gymnast, writer and cartoonist. I had a lot more energy in my younger years. And I've spent the last fifteen years analyzing and critiquing reality competition shows for various media publications. I've got this.

Fair warning, since I'm safe at home, I'm probably going to be a little harsher than my colleagues Howie Mandel, Mel B, Heidi Klum and Simon Cowell. But I might be nicer, too. Maybe.

Before we even get to this season's crop of zanies, there's one major thing we have to judge. How did new host Tyra Banks do on her first night? After hosting for the past eight years, Nick Cannon departed somewhat controversially over this past television season. The inventor of the “smize” created, hosted and judged on her own reality juggernaut, “America's Next Top Model.”

With a more serious reality reputation, I wondered how she would fare on the carnival of craziness that is this show, but she definitely let her hair down and had fun with it. From scooping up balloon poop to joining a kazoo band, this was a fun side of Tyra. The judges loved her almost as much as the contestants, who seemed in some cases more excited about spending a few moments with her than a chance at winning the show.

Since it's a simple yes/no on this show, I'm going to rank each performance throughout the night from the worst to the act I thought came in first on the night. Overall, there were a lot of great performances -- certainly more good than bad spotlighted -- but I wasn't at all impressed with this next one.

“Donald J. Trump” (singer/dancer) had a whole big production around his impression, but it wasn't even a great impression. But when it was time to start his production, he just danced for a bit. It was absurd, but it lacked genuine entertainment value. The judges were laughing, but this is not an act with legs. I agree with Mel that it was just lacking. I certainly don't see him making it past the next round. It was like a bad karaoke act that had way too much money for staging and production. But it wasn't enough to cover up my disappointment.

Judges Scores: Y, N, Y, Y

My Score: N

“The Man of Mystery” (escape artist) needed both Tyra and Howie to help him with his act. Unfortunately, Howie messed up the whole thing by locking the padlock incorrectly, causing yet another restart on the night. “The Man of Mystery” had a manic type of goofiness that was entertaining, but I couldn't decide if he was manic fun or manic annoying. They buzzed him while he was in the bag, but after he came out in a leopard-spotted negligee, Simon and Mel removed their X's, but it wasn't enough. I think he had potential to be very entertaining, but it didn't work out this time.

Judges Scores: N, Y, N, Y

My Score: Y

Junior and Emily (salsa dancers) are a brother-sister duo who were raised by a single father. Dance pulled Junior off of a very bad life path, and they took a very unique path in their salsa training. This wasn't a classic salsa as much as it was as if someone infused DJ electronica music into dance, creating a bizarre and very fast fusion of salsa, stunts and tricks. I think they relied a little too heavily on Emily's ability to spin at incredible speeds and they were a little weak in true technique (covered well with speed and tricks), but it was certainly compelling to watch. These classic styles are classics for a reason, but I can respect a desire to modernize them and make them something that feels fresh and exciting, and I'd be interested in seeing how they interpret another style. But I feel pretty confident that they are too limited in what they do. As in, they spin. And spin. And spin.

Judges Score: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: N

Jokgu (Keyboard-Playing Chicken, Seihi & Shannon, handlers) proved why “America's Got Talent” is such an important reality show. There are no performance competitions for chickens. Where else, other than perhaps “The Gong Show,” would something like this even exist. I love that this was the opening number, and that the chicken took a while to start playing “America the Beautiful,” because it set the stage for what the show is about. Expect the unexpected, because every once in awhile, a chicken can play a song. It was mesmerizing to watch. I have no idea if Jokgu knows other songs, or the ladies' chicken band can really come through, but I'm down to give them all one more chance to prove themselves again just to see if it can be done. It's very difficult to see this as a winning act, though.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Yoli Mayor (singer) lacked confidence over her size and was letting her insecurities stand in the way of pursuing her dream of being a singer. She started in on “I Put a Spell on You,” but Simon stopped the music. Tyra shouted “Keep it young!” from the sidelines, and then ran out to help her with her look. Yoli was clearly shaken by the stop and start, but it didn't matter when she broke into “Make It Rain.” She had a lovely timbre to her voice, and you could feel the heartache through the lyrics. Her voice sits in the same pocket as Adele, and you can see a similar potential. And Yoli has no idea what she has, which is always heartwarming. That said, I don't think she can win this competition. Her voice is very good, but it's not got that something special to really stand out in a competition that can feature literally anything as challengers.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Will Tsai (magician) overcame homelessness by remembering he was first inspired by street magic, and he was determined to impress the judges with a trick he created just for the show. Even more challenging, everything would be out in the open. It was close-up magic, but it was very impressive, moving coins and even transforming them into flowers. The judges declared it the best close-up magic on the show and it's hard to disagree. If this is something he can come up with this quickly, I'd love to see what a more elaborate trick might be. Fresh magic is a rare commodity, and this one definitely feels fresh and exciting.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Merrick Hanna (dancer) was nervous about the buzzers, but certainly not about the spectacle of the show, the judges, the audience or even the millions of people watching at home. In fact, he reveled in it. He described his dance as a “robot that's kind of broken and floppy.” He was a hip-hop dancer with a pop-and-lock style. He's a very clever and capable storyteller with choreography and expression. He needs to learn a few more moves to expand his repertoire and he could grow into something special. I've seen better hip-hop dancers at 12-years old, but I'm not sure I've seen a more expressive and creative dancer at this age. The story of his dance was genuinely heartbreaking and he performed it with the emotional maturity of someone twice his age. That said, I'm not completely confident he can continue to innovate and grow his act as the competition progresses. I really hope he proves me wrong.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Preacher Lawson (comedian) had a very naturally funny charm and charisma when he was just bantering with Tyra and the judges, and then his set was clever and funny as well. When the judges asked for more, he only paused a second before going into a story about driving and dying with his spiritual grandma. A storytelling-based comedian, his material was clean and he did characters and voices as well, adding different dynamics to each bit. For a guy who says he's going nowhere with this right now, he's very talented as a comic. The only down side is for Tyra, when she found out the 25-year-old had a serious girlfriend. If all of his material is this fresh and funny, though, he could go very far.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Demian Aditya (escape artist) brought his nervous wife, Sarah, for a dangerous stunt where he gets buried alive in a box of sand. He could die from suffocation or getting crushed by 900 pounds of sand, which makes it a perfect act for this kind of show. The sand sifted slowly on a platform above him that could not support its weight, so it would crush after about two minutes. It was a beautifully executed stunt with real tension and terror for everyone watching. He didn't make it, but it was part of the act. He was one of the guys who came out to break the glass and rescue him. It was a great misdirection, and his wife was totally in on the ruse. As I said, well executed. In fact, brilliantly executed. It was a genuinely exciting performance and one of the best on the night. I hope he's got more like it, while still keeping it fresh each time.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

“Puddles” (clown/singer) brought a sad clown routine to the stage, which is a tough sell on a goofy and light-hearted show like this. But then, he started a haunting and beautiful take on Sia's “Chandelier.” He had an operatic tint to his voice and an impressive range. I loved that he was silent except when he was singing. After he performed, though, his emotions were real. It was a touching and unexpected performance, and he absolutely deserved the standing ovation that brought him to genuine tears. Even better, he stayed in character as the sad, silent clown after singing. He was so weird and unique, it was mesmerizing. He needs to keep the character and surprise us again next time.

Judges Scores: Y, Y, Y, Y

My Score: Y

Darci Lynn (ventriloquist/singer) was another 12-year old performer on the show, bringing her rabbit puppet Petunia. Her story was that she got into ventriloquism to help with her shyness about talking to other people. She was a nervous laughter and had an adorable stage presence. She had a cute rapport with Petunia, but then the rabbit started singing and by dammit if she didn't have a powerful and great voice. The ventriloquism wasn't flawless, but it was pretty good, and the two of them were so likable together, it didn't matter. I would have liked to see a little more back-and-forth banter, but you can't deny the talent she has as both a singer and a ventriloquist. Two years in, she's a tremendous talent in a very niche area. I can only imagine how amazing she's going to become. Mel loved her so much she sent her straight to the live shows.

Judges Scores: Golden Buzzer (Mel B)

My Score: Y

“America's Got Talent” airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on NBC.