"I hit him across the face and I hit him hard ... and Curren saw it."
"Real Housewives of Orange County" star Braunwyn Windham-Burke opened up about a particularly low -- and violent -- point in her marriage to husband Sean.
On Wednesday night's episode, the reality star explained how her battle with alcoholism, compounded with the stress of quarantine with their seven children, led to a few instances with her husband of which she isn't proud.
In a self-filmed confessional from inside her closet, Braunwyn explained she had been "raging" and "angry" in lockdown, adding that attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings online just wasn't the same as going in person.
"I just, I lost it. I lost my temper again with Sean belittling me over the vacuum cleaner," she said, saying she couldn't get the charger to work properly. "And instead of being like, 'Yeah, I'll help you’ — he's still going to the office, he's still working, he's still getting out of the house — so, instead of helping, he made fun of me and I lost it and I smacked him."
"I have hit Sean a couple of times in my life," she added, before pointing to another recent instance just a few months prior in Aspen, during a family getaway.
"Nothing though like what happened in Aspen," she explained. "I hit him across the face and I hit him hard. I wanted to go drink. I was angry and I was lashing out and Curren saw it."
Curren is one of the couple's seven children. The two share Bella, 20, Rowan, 18, Jacob, 15, twins Curren and Caden, 7, Koa, 5, and 2-year-old Hazel.
"Looking back, it was a side of me I've never seen. It was bad," she added. "I feel trapped in my house, I feel trapped in my marriage. I feel trapped, emotionally and physically. I have put a happy spin on my marriage for a long time, but the truth is, there are some big things that have been happening and that part of me that we've never talked about."
RHOC's Braunwyn Windham Burke Shares First Photo with Girlfriend After Coming Out
View StorySharing another update on her 89th day of sobriety and 40th day of quarantine, Braunwyn said she, "really, truly thought I was okay and that I was going to be okay."
"I haven't wanted a drink, not really, in a while. And it's all that I wanted," she said of the previous night. "Still, right now, if we had it in the house. I'm so glad we don't. I'm not okay."
As the episode aired, Braunwyn tweeted about any speculation she was faking her behavior for a "storyline."
"If I was going to do something just for 'storyline' I would of picked something easier, being sober in this toxic environment ain't easy," she wrote. "To have someone diminish the struggle is low, I've been blessed to have support and have been working a program, if you need help it works."
While he didn't address her abuse claims, Sean retweeted her post, adding, "Much respect for taking the hard road of making the struggle a public journey. I get to personally observe how many people you have helped, and it's amazing!"
Braunwyn recently came out as a lesbian, saying that her sobriety made her reevaluate her relationship with Sean and her sexuality.
"I know that when you get sober and you start doing the work that goes into that, you start realizing a lot of the reasons you drank had to do with who you were on the inside ... this sort of became something that I didn't want to hide anymore and I didn't want to keep a secret anymore," she explained. "I wanna be able to go out to dinner with whoever I want without judgment. As long as my husband's okay and the person I was dating's okay and knows everything, I didn't wanna have to hide this anymore."
Braunwyn and Sean are still married and still live together. Despite Windham-Burke's coming out and new relationship with a woman, don't plan on divorcing.
"Real Housewives of Orange County" airs Wednesdays on Bravo.
If you or someone you know needs help, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline