"The hardest part of the breakup was mourning the person I thought he was."
In 2020, Demi Lovato and Max Ehrich were engaged for just two months following a rushed romance -- and the split was a particularly nasty one. The two both released songs allegedly inspired by the other, while Ehrich claimed he found out about their breakup in the press and accused her of exploiting the situation for publicity.
"I mean, I was just as shocked as the rest of the world at some of the things that were said and done," Lovato explained in her new YouTube documentary "Demi Lovato: Dancing With the Devil," which premiered Tuesday at SXSW.
"I'm really sad that things ended the way that they did. The good news is, I haven't picked up any hard drugs or anything like that. I'm hanging in there. It's just s-----," she explained in one self-recorded moment, before realizing she wasn't being honest with herself in a later video.
"The video I made earlier wasn't an accurate representation of what I'm going through. So I thought this whole time that I didn't miss him," she later admitted through tears. "I just miss the person that I started quarantining with. And I don't know how to give my heart to someone after this."
The two started dating amid Covid quarantine and quickly moved in together. That, she knows now, was part of the problem.
"Honestly, what happened? I think I rushed into something that I thought was what I was supposed to do," she said. "I realized as time went on that I didn't actually know the person that I was engaged to."
"It's just, like, of course that accelerated. I didn't even have my best friends to hang out with in quarantine," she added. "The hardest part of the breakup was mourning the person I thought he was."
Lovato said the relationship and fallout made her realize she's "too queer to marry a man" right now.
"I'm not willing to put a label on it right this second, and I think I will get there, but there's a lot of things that I have to do for myself first," she explained. "I want to allow myself the ability to live my life in the most authentic form possible."
"Demi Lovato: Dancing With the Devil" debuts March 23 on YouTube.