Grieving Dad Spending Dead Son's College Fund on Trip Offers Update, Heartwarming Surprise and Offer

In his update, the father said he is preparing for the final leg of his trip. "For those of you that asked my son's name is Ryan. He was an amazing kid. I don't know if he got his love of the microscopic world from me," he wrote. "I did teach him how to make his own sourdough starter and I will be keeping his alive to make loaves and waffles with."

He thanked "everyone that offered to buy me a beer," and proposed an international toast to Ryan for June 23, which is when he expects to visit the monks at Westvleteren to wrap up his European trip.

"If you would like to join me in a toast with your favorite drink of choice I would love that more," he said, referring to the offers to buy him one. "I love knowing that people all around the world know about my son and he would love knowing he was toasted in such a manner."

He said that he's invited his wife and his ex-wife and her family to join him on the final week of the trip, "at my expense." He also shared that he discovered that his wife's stepson and Ryan had been closer than he knew, which he didn't know until he and the stepson spoke.

"They are gaming buddies. They spoke almost every day playing online," the father shared. "He gave me a picture of my son I did not have. It is a picture of the two of them age about 14/15 at my ex wife's wedding to his father. My son looked great in his suit. I cried. He did too. We had a very awkward but heartfelt man hug. Then we laughed."

He then added, "They will be coming to say goodbye with us."

As a final token with his son's college funds, the father and his wife decided that they are going to give his ex-wife's stepson enough money to cover his first year of college.

"Even after my trip we will have money left over. I'm trying to do some good with it," the father wrote. "I also said that he could call us any time he needed since he will be attending school close to us. So funny he got accepted here and my son was accepted [closer to his family]."

"I want to thank everyone who shared their condolences with me," the father concluded his update. "I want to especially thank everyone that helped me plan my visit to Belgium. I know we won't see each other but you were invaluable."

A father experiencing significant loss is opening up about a disagreement between himself and his ex-wife following the death of their son.

The story, posted to Reddit's anonymous "Am I the A-Hole" forum, saw the dad explain his reasoning for using money put aside for his late son's college on a trip to Europe -- and why that decision has caused friction with his ex.

Read on to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.

"AITA for spending my son's university fund on a trip to Europe to drink beer like I always threatened instead of giving it to his step brother after he passed away," OP -- (a.k.a. the "original poster") titled the post.

"My son was smart. Smarter than me. I almost requested a paternity test because he was so damn intelligent. THAT IS A JOKE," he then began.

"My ex and I divorced when he was about 12. She remarried when he was 14. I did when he was 16," he added, explaining some of the backstory.

According to the father, he set up a Registered Education Savings Plan, or Canadian education fund, for his son, which the child could use for anything so long as he went to some kind of post-secondary education, like college or trade school.

"I always told him that I was okay with him not going to university. That way I could use the money I had saved up for him to go to Belgium and buy some beer from monks that only allow you to buy one case," the post continued. "He knew I was joking and he always played along. He wouldn't let me get his goat."

"I took him out for a beer to celebrate his achievement and mourn the loss of my trip to Europe."

The father said that when his son was accepted to McGill, it was "the proudest moment of my life," before adding, "I took him out for a beer to celebrate his achievement and mourn the loss of my trip to Europe."

The son, however, was killed by a drunk driver in March. "I'm dealing with it. My ex is dealing with it," said OP, adding that his ex "came to talk to me about his money" while making funeral arrangements. "She knew he had a scholarship and was just going to use the money for living expenses and an emergency fund. She asked me what I was going to do with it," he said.

"I said I was going to do what I always said I would. I was going to Europe to drink beer. She asked if she could have it for her step son. I thought about it and said no," he explained. "Her husband is a decent enough person but he made it clear that he wasn't responsible for any expenses for my son. Beyond food and shelter and stuff obviously. Like I said he is decent."

"I said I was not going to do that. I was going to go drink beer in my son's honor," OP continued. "She says I'm wasting thousands of dollars. And I guess I am. I have to give back the government portion of the fund. But I don't care."

"My ex thinks I'm being stupid and irresponsible wasting my son's money like this. I don't care," he concluded. "My son would laugh his ass off if he knew I actually did it."

The post had everyone who read it in tears, with almost all the commenters in agreement that the father wasn't in the wrong ... and had come up with a beautiful way to pay tribute to his son and their relationship.

"NTA. Sorry for your loss. I thought it was a clickbait title but this is a sad f--king post. I hope you enjoy your trip and pour out some for your homie. It sounds like you guys had a good relationship," read the most popular reply.

"You are NTA if anything far from it ... the ex wife even asking is a huge one," said someone else, who lost their own sister in a car accident as a teen. "Please go to Europe & celebrate his life! It’s the only thing that should be done with that money."

When that same commenter also offered to send over some money via Venmo to buy him a beer, OP replied that he would let everyone know when he made the trip, adding, "would appreciate it if you had one with me instead."

In the replies, someone else wrote, "If you don't want to be alone in Belgium, you can try to message me. I'm from there, with loads of free time and if I can keep a grieving father company it would be my honor to do so!"

"Reddit can be good sometimes," another person replied, before someone else added, "Didn't expect to sob while reading a Reddit post today, but here we are."

After another person commented, "I would love to think that if any of that money had been left over, after your sons education, you could have gone together. So sorry for your loss," the father added, "I was planning on taking him when he graduated."

As the wholesome interactions continued, someone else asked the father if he could share more about his son, like his "favorite story about him, what he wanted to do for a job, your favorite activity together."

"My son wanted study microbiology and immunology. He has thrown for a loop by the pandemic and he wanted to make sure it didn't happen again. He talked about a lot of stuff that went over my head. I'm a baker. I understand yeast," he said. "He loved the Habs. I would get us tickets at least once a year. He loved kayaking with me. We are so close to so much water."

Many others offered to have a virtual toast for the son, telling OP, "seriously, update us with a date and time. I bet a lot of Redditors would raise a glass with you wherever they are. I am so sorry for your loss."