Did Man Go 'Too Far' Telling Stepdaughter Her Dead Dad Can Pay For Her Wedding?

The story, posted to Reddit's anonymous "Am I the A-Hole" forum, comes from a stepdad who detailed years of tension between him and one of his wife's kids -- which culminated in him telling her he wouldn't help pay for her wedding and the woman's "dead dad" should instead.

While OP (a.k.a. the "original poster") wondered if he went "too far" and admitted to being "petty," he also said he doesn't plan to apologize and "would love if she never talked to me again."

Read on to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.

AITA for telling my stepdaughter she can have her dead dad pay for the wedding

OP began his post by stating, "I may have gone to far."

Giving some important backstory to the situation, he explained his wife divorced her ex when their three children were young. The ex was an addict, who later died, he said. Per OP, the couple dated two years before she introduced him to her children, two of whom "really hit it off" with him, while a third, daughter Kelly, "did not like me."

"Just passive aggressive stuff but it became much worse when her dad passed away," he claimed of her behavior. "She did not take it well and resulted in a lot of outbursts ... She went into therapy but overall didn't seem like it helped."

While his relationship with his wife's other two kids continued to flourish, Kelly, he said, threatened "to run away" if the two ever got married. After she turned 18, he said the two "decided to stop putting our life on hold and get married," which Kelly "hated." He went on to say "every interaction I have had with her as been unpleasant and I don't see her [as] one of my kids."

OP said he adopted his wife's other two children -- after they asked, he claimed -- which in turn made Kelly "destroy a lot of her siblings stuff for betraying [their] dad." He ended up paying for the weddings of the two kids he adopted, saying they too have an "on and off relationship" with Kelly.

Though he said he rarely sees a now-27-year-old Kelly -- and "prefers it that way" -- he said he eventually got a call from her "asking me to pay for her wedding since I paid for the other two."

"I told her no. This started an argument about how it's unfair. I had enough and told her to have her dad pay for the wedding. She hung up after some lovely names," he said, before concluding,"I may have gone to far which makes me a jerk."

In replies to a number of comments, OP added that his wife though his comment was "harsh but justified" and explained the mother-daughter duo "do not have a good relationship." He also said he wasn't sure Kelly would even invite his wife to the wedding -- and claimed he wouldn't go even if he was invited.

"I would love if she never talked to me again," he told one commenter, adding that he had no plan to apologize for his remark because he "never received a single apology from her in 15 years." He also admitted his comment was "petty" and was likely due to "resentment building up" over years -- telling readers, it "felt so nice to finally throw it back after years of dealing with it" and was like "finally standing up to a bully."

Though the post earned an official "Not the A-hole" label after registered users voted, the commenters were extremely split.

"Yeah it was a stupid, hurtful and immature thing to say, but I get it," the most popular response began. "I understand this was the oldest girl and probably closest to her father and of course, she probably resented the divorce, but that's something you should grow out of. once her father died."

"You'd think it might've opened up her heart a little, but apparently that was not to be ... It's her life. It's her choice," the comment continued, before giving OP "a tiny YTA [You're the A-hole] on the comment" and a "big NTA [Not the A-Hole] for not paying for the wedding."

Another commenter who said ESH [Everybody Sucks Here] said the daughter "took it too far by practically forbidding her mom from moving on," while adding, "having a dead parent is something traumatic and you bringing it up just to make a point in an argument is really low."

"Fair, that what I thought," OP replied to that response.

Many agreed with that sentiment, saying things like, "You were in the right to say no. You'd have been in the right to say 'because I pay for my kids' weddings,' but taking a swing at her dead dad was a bit too far."

"YTA, but not because you said no. Because you weaponized a profound, paradigm shifting loss," wrote someone else. "What was your goal there? To cause harm. Not just that… To cause as much harm as you possibly could. That does make you an ass."

Others took issue with OP's follow up comments about how "nice" it felt to stand up to her, saying it now seemed like he was "gloating."

Many also supported OP, with messages like, "Justified a-holery is still NTA. She deserves far worse than what you said" and "NTA she's an adult, she made her choices, she definitely doesn't get to demand that you pay for things now!"

What do you think?