Photograph by Tom Munro
Adele's keeping it real.
The pop star covers the new issue of Vanity Fair, where she opens up about overcoming postpartum depression, the pressure women feel to have children and reveals the downsides of fame.
Though the "Hello" singer's so in love with her son Angelo James Konecki, she did suffer from postpartum depression initially after he was born.
"I had really bad postpartum depression after I had my son, and it frightened me," she tells the mag. "My friends who didn't have kids would get annoyed with me, whereas I knew I could just sit there and chat absolute mush with my friends who had children, and we wouldn't judge each other."
"One day I said to a friend, 'I f---ing' hate this,' and she just burst into tears and said, 'I f---ing' hate this, too.' And it was done. It lifted," she reveals. "My knowledge of postpartum—or post-natal, as we call it in England—is that you don't want to be with your child; you're worried you might hurt your child; you're worried you weren't doing a good job. But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like I'd made the worst decision of my life. It can come in many different forms. Eventually I just said, I'm going to give myself an afternoon a week, just to do whatever the f--k I want without my baby. A friend of mine said, 'Really? Don't you feel bad?' I said, I do, but not as bad as I'd feel if I didn't do it.'"
The "When We Were Young" singer also dishes on the pressure women feel to start a family, calling those who choose not to have children some of the "bravest" ladies around.
"I think it's the bravest thing not to have a child; all my friends and I felt pressurized into having kids, because that's what adults do," the 28-year-old confesses. "I love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the f--k I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that."
Nevertheless, the pop star is getting used to motherhood -- she's cut down on her drinking and quit smoking for her little guy.
"Having a hangover with a child is torture," she admits. "Just imagine an annoying three-year-old who knows something's wrong; it's hell."
"I used to love to be drunk, but as I got more famous I would wake up the next morning and think, What the f--k did I say and who the f--k did I say it to? […] I can see from an outsider's perspective that I will never write songs as good as the ones that are on '21,' but I'm not as indulgent as I was then, and I don't have time to fall apart like I did then," she explains. "I was completely off my face writing that album, and a drunk tongue is an honest one. I would drink two bottles of wine, and I would chain-smoke. Then I'd write the lyrics down and the next morning think, F--k, that's quite good. Then I'd find the melody. But since I've had my baby, I'm not as carefree as I used to be."
While Adele has become one of the biggest stars in the world, she says there's a definite downside of fame.
"I don't care about money. I'm British, and we don't have that … thing of having to earn more money all the time," she says. "I don't come from money; it's not that important a part of my life. Obviously I have nice things, and I live in a nicer area than I grew up in. That was my goal from the age of seven: it was 'I ain't living here.'"
"The problem is you can't talk about the downside of fame, because people have hope, and they cling to the hope of what it would be like to be famous, to be adored, to be able to create and do nice things," she explains, adding that "money makes everyone act so bizarrely. It's like they become intimidated by it, like I'm wearing my f---ing money."
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