Like most of America on Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel was stunned by just how dumb President Donald Trump's lawyer is for trying to come clean about paying off porn star Stormy Daniels with his own money, for no specific reason, without telling his boss.
"He said he made a private transaction and would not comment on whose privates were transacted on," Kimmel joked during his monologue about Michael Cohen's claim. "But this story is so unbelievable, I mean the part about Trump not paying him back is believable, that I believe, but the rest -- what kind of an idiot would believe that his lawyer decided to pay a porn star more than $100,000 for no reason? They didn't have sex? He just decided to give her money?"
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View StoryKimmel thought Cohen's story was so stupid, he decided to make a commercial for his law firm that was just as dumb.
"Have you never had sex with a porn star? Then you need a lawyer to give that porn star large amounts of cash -- not your own cash, his own cash," a fake spokesman said.
"Michael Cohen is the leader in giving porn stars money for no reason at all," the man continued. "You pay nothing. Michael Cohen pays everything. The Law Firm of Michael Cohen & Associates: World's dumbest/most generous lawyers. Call 1-800-DUM-ASS-4."
Even dumber, Cohen's public confession may have invalidated his non-disclosure agreement with Daniels, which means the porn star who allegedly had sex with married Trump in a hotel room might be able to freely share details with the world.
"Her manager said, this is a quote, 'Everything's off now and Stormy's going to tell her story,'" Kimmel said. "Hopefully to me. This has to be handled sensitively."
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View StoryThat offer might be enticing considering Daniels already appeared on Kimmel's show in January, but wasn't able to give the late-night host the answers he was searching for.
Kimmel tried to work some verbal gymnastics to get an admission by telling Stormy, "If you didn't have a non-disclosure agreement, you most certainly could say, 'I don't have a non-disclosure agreement.' Yes?"
"You're so smart, Jimmy," she coyly responded without confirming one way or the other.