Snooki Details Excruciating Sex Life After Third Baby, And It's All the Birth Control We Need

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is making sure we all think long and hard before having children.

During a recent appearance on the "Women On Top" podcast, the "Jersey Shore" star got painfully candid about her sex life with husband Jionni LaValle after welcoming their third baby, son Angelo James LaValle, on May 30.

"Medically, they say you have to wait like six weeks, and I waited the six weeks with [the other two births] because I ripped," the 31-year-old reality star explained. "This one, I didn't rip, probably because I had two kids, so my vagina's like huge I guess."

"Down there, it doesn't feel that bad," she continued. "But I still want to wait just in case something happens and, God forbid, I do rip during sex or whatever. But after you have a baby and then have sex, it just doesn't feel right at first. It feels like you're a virgin again. Like, it just hurts, it's uncomfortable. And then it starts to feel good like after you get into the motions, but I mean, you need a lot of lube. Let's just put it that way."

Angelo is now almost 2 months old, but because of how post-birth sex went after her two previous babies, Nicole says she's neither dreading nor excited to get back to intimacy with her hubby. She does, however, have that whole evening -- whenever it happens -- all planned out.

"How I want it to happen is I want my husband to take me out to dinner because we're not romantic at all. We're just getting in the swing of having three kids," she explained. "So I want him to take me out to dinner, I want to get horny drunk on wine, and then we put the kids to bed, and then we'll go in our spare room, keep drinking wine, and that's how I want it to happen."

As we all know, Snooki has never been one to keep things anything but real, and on the day Angelo was born, she took to social media to describe her postpartum symptoms in very vivid detail.

"My feet are swollen, I'm wearing a diaper, my son just peed and shit on me twice and my sciatica is acting up," she revealed to all 12.6 million of her followers.

Days later, she elaborated on the reality of trying to get back to the gym so quickly after giving birth, writing, "My boobs are leaking and pulsating, my butthole is sore and my cramps are unbearable and I'm still wearing a diaper the size of Texas. Postpartum is a bitch. But I'm allowed to look on the bright side of things and want to get back into shape."

Nicole's dream has always been to have four kids, but she explained she wants to see how things go with three before making any final decisions.

"It's still up in the air. I wanna see how three goes, because right now, it's so stressful, and I feel like it's gonna be stressful until the baby's like 5," Nicole said, before admitting that she does have a favorite child. "The baby's my favorite right now just because he's so new. I mean, he just lays there, he just cuddles. Breastfeeding is like a big thing for me, so that's like a huge moment that I love. I love all my kids, obviously, but those moments I have with the baby -- just because he's so brand new -- are my favorite."

Nicole and Jionni -- who have been married since 2014 -- are also parents to son Lorenzo, 6, and daughter Giovanna, 4. And while she doesn't necessarily want her kids to do reality television, Snooki would support them if that's what they had their hearts set on doing.

"I want them to be better than me! It's so degrading and stupid," she said, noting that when she first auditioned for "Jersey Shore" at the age of 21, she was "already a degenerate."

"I knew some way or another, I was gonna get famous off being drunk," she noted. "I just knew it in my soul, so I was like, 'This is my moment!' ... At that point, I didn't care 'cause I was 21, and I wasn't thinking about my future kids or my future family. I was just living in the moment, and I was like, 'Everyone's gonna know I'm the funnest party girl ever.' And I mean, it paid off!"

Nicole also revealed she wasn't sure if Jionni was the man she wanted to marry when she got pregnant with Lorenzo, who she said was conceived in Jionni's parents' basement, where they were living at the time, likely after a drunken night at a club.

Although she was 24 and not planning on starting a family at that point in her life, Nicole was "excited" for the future and only "a little bummed" she'd have to give up "the partying life."

"I drink wine when I go down to the [Jersey] Shore on the weekends, so I'm still drinking," she explained. "It's just now I have to drink, and then sober up to make sure my kids are alive, and then drink again."

"Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on MTV.

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