This Jerzday picked up with Pauly D refreshing TMZ's homepage to learn that it was Mike's brother, Marc Sorrentino, who had been sentenced to two years behind bars. At this point, Mike was still awaiting sentencing, and the group was -- to say the least -- relieved.
But Mike wasn't out of the clear. He was still facing up to 14 months in federal prison. The group was under the impression Mike's judge wanted to make an example out of him, and to some extent, they were right. He was sentenced to eight months. Not the worst-case scenario, but definitely not the best. He was hoping and praying for probation.
"Damn, he really got sentenced," Pauly let out. The rest of the gang was just as shocked. "I feel like we got hit by a truck," he later told cameras. "Like, I'm Pauly D positivity, and I can always find the good in something. And I gotta look really hard to find the good in this."
When Mike and now-wife Lauren Sorrentino left the courthouse, they were bombarded by reporters. But instead of answering any questions, Mike just flashed a peace sign and a toothless grin. With "Laurens" by his side, he made his way to the SUV that had driven them there.
In the car, a show producer asked Mike where he wanted to go. Both he and Lauren were wearing sunglasses, but they were almost certainly both crying.
"Home," Mike said softly, as Lauren nodded in silence. "I need to go get my head together, you know what I mean?"
Lauren let out a heavy sigh. "Ugh, okay," she said.
"Well, it's over," he said. "F--k. I guess I'm gonna get that much-needed rest between seasons I've been thinking about."
"I think I deserved probation," he said during a later confessional. "I was not happy with the result, but I have to be accountable and responsibile. I have to handle it and move forward."
We then caught up with Jenni "JWoww" Farley and Vinny Guadagnino, who were in the courtroom when Mike was sentenced. They, too, got bombarded by reporters but didn't speak until they got to their car.
"That was insane," Jenni said. "I mean, I'm not really sure how to describe it." Vinny added, "My soul has left my body. I am lifeless right now."
They were both relieved that Lauren was "okay."
When Jenni and Vinny met up with the others, they described the sentencing as another trial. Vinny said it was like watching Mike in a boxing ring getting pummeled. Pauly said he was "very disappointed in the justice system" because Mike is "a rehabilitated person."
"On a lighter note," Ronnie blurted out as he told Jenni and Vinny about how he had gotten jumped in Secaucus the night before. Jenni was instantly skeptical, and the second Ronnie got up to go take a phone call, the group collectively rolled their eyes at the story he was trying to sell.
For starters, no one believed he got hit in the back of the head, like he said, if he had a black eye and scratches on the front and sides of his face. Jenni also thought it was a little too coincidental that Ronnie would get beat up the same night his baby mama, Jen Harley, got into town.
The next day, the gang threw Mike a bit of a "junk food" party. They invited him over to indulge in some of his favorite snacks, including "Funfettis" and every variety of chip on planet Earth. Even the Keto Guido got in on the fun! Mike was insanely grateful and revealed to his friends he was going to ask the judge if he could surrender after the holidays, "like January 15th."
Despite his frustration with the outcome of the trial, Mike said he was grateful he was held accountable for his actions because that inspired him to become a better person overall. He was now 100 percent focused on planning the wedding of Lauren's dreams.
But before we get to wedding planning, Jenni announced she had taken it upon herself to plan a little road trip to a dude ranch. Everyone was stoked, but Mike seemed a bit uneasy. The next day, they all met up at Vinny's house to take off from there, but Mike was nowhere to be found. A show producer said Sitch had had a rough morning and that he wasn't sure he wanted to go. So what did Jersey's finest do? If you guessed "respect his decision," you're wrong. They hopped into the minivan Jenni rented and headed to Mike's house to kidnap him.
On their way there, however, they realized they didn't want to "come on too strong," so they sent only Vinny and Pauly to lure Mike back into going. He reluctantly agreed (and we selfishly celebrated). Once Mike met up with the group, he said Lauren was in a very "sensitive" state following the sentencing and that he needed to make sure she was okay before committing to the dude ranch. He said he hadn't slept well and spent all night looking at media coverage of his situation.
"Something was committed. I was part of a crime, but my involvement was extremely minimal. I believe they wanted to make an example out of me," Mike said, revealing he spent close to $1 million over the last five years trying to defend himself. He also said all of his fines, interests and restitutions had been paid for, so when Mike gets out of prison, he'll be a free man with no debt.
The gaggle of guidos and guidettes then hit the road. After all, they had something like a 13-hour trek ahead of them. During one of their stops, they locked themselves out of the car, because of course. Thankfully, Pauly was able to break back in.
Eventually, they got there. The boys were in one cabin, the girls were in another and Jenni got a very-pregnant Deena her own little cabin. After deciding she didn't want to room away from the girls, a gigantic screaming match over beds ensued. Jenni asked Angelina if she'd be willing to sleep on a pull-out couch, but she refused, so Jenni carried the mattress that was in Deena's cabin over to their cabin. But that wasn't good enough for Angelina, which prompted Deena to lose her you-know-what on Angelina like we've never seen her do before. She was legitimately purple! The outburst even shocked Deena.
After everyone calmed down, they went to a local bar to drink wine and learn how to line-dance. They later found a fire and roasted some s'mores. Cute night, right? That is until Snooki blurted out that she was trying to get pregnant, which prompted Ron to say, "I think I am -- again."
Jenni and Nicole legitimately screamed.
"She's late," Ronnie revealed. When the girls asked how late, Ron replied, "Enough."
"Yo, pull the f--k out! What the f--k is wrong with you?!" Vinny shouted.
Deena tried to ask where his relationship with Jen was (after all, she did allegedly drag him with a car), which prompted oohs and aahs from the others, but all Ron said was that he loved being a father and that they were "fine."
"I mean, I did it once. It's like, second time will be the same thing, if not better," he said, as Jenni's eyes just about came out of her head. When Nicole asked Ronnie if Jen had taken a pregnancy test, he said, "I asked her to wait for me. She wants to take one now, but I told her to wait. I wanna be there when she does it."
Ron later told the camera, "I'm excited about it. I would rather have another child with Jen than have another child with another woman. Like, why would I wanna have three babies' moms? It's like, let's have kids, got one baby's mom and that's what it is."
He told the group they tried to "not make it happen" but were willing to deal with it if the test were to come back positive.
"That's what you said the first time!" Vinny shouted.
The next day -- after fishing, horseback riding and, of course, drinking -- Jenni told Nicole, Deena, Angelina and Ronnie that she wanted to throw Mike a "cute" bachelor party (meaning no alcohol and no strippers). When Ronnie shook his head at the thought of keeping it so PG, Jenni decided to press him about his baby mama. He was pissed.
"Jenni takes control of everything," he later vented. "It's like, relax. You're married already. Worry about your divorce! Ohhh, too soon? I mean, honestly, it gets real f--king annoying that Jenni wants to always talk about my relationships, but then she won't talk about going through her divorce."
When Ronnie responded to Jenni's questions about Jen by asking her about her relationship with estranged husband Roger Mathews, she was not too happy.
"We're good. There's nothing really to talk about," she replied. "I don't wanna make it a thing."
Nicole, who had been drinking all day, said, "It's not that big of a deal, my God!" as Angelina pointed out that it was "all over the f--king news."
"I know, but I'm not talking about it," Jenni maintained.
"I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I'm not trying to say, 'Hey, let's put your shit out there,' but your shit's out there," Ronnie vented. "TMZ, TooFab, People magazine, US Weekly, The Inquirer, f--king Playboy, it's everywhere! Like, your shit's out there, so why are we acting like it doesn't exist?"
Jenni and Deena got up and left, leaving Ron to vent to Nicole and Angelina about how he felt it was hypocritical of Jenni to press him about his personal life but not be willing to open up about hers.
"Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on MTV.