Woman Urged to Join In-Laws' 'Sick and Twisted Scheme' to 'Erase' Husband's Late Wife

In the story, posted to Reddit's anonymous "Am I the A-Hole" forum, the OP (a.k.a. the "original poster," shared that she got into an argument with her in-laws after they took issue with how she and her family keep her husband's late wife's memory alive in their home -- while explaining how her husband's parents tried to enlist her help to "erase" his first wife.

Read on to see the full story, and how Redditors reacted.

"AITA for telling my husband's parents and sister not to use me in their sick and twisted scheme to erase his late wife?" OP titled the post, proposing her question.

"I'm married to a widower. We've been married for 4 years, together for 6 and known each other for 8. We met at a grief support group," the woman began in her post. "I lost my sister to cancer around the same time he lost his late wife 'Tasha'. We bonded and supported each other and our relationship happened slowly over the two years of being friends."

"One thing I have always known is his love for Tasha has never faded. He never wants it to fade. He misses her every single day, so do his children (my stepchildren). He struggled with the idea of finding someone else. Not least of all because his family started pushing 13 months after his loss," OP continued. "In time he wanted this himself and we fell in love. But I have always known there would be no us without his loss. I was never jealous or insecure of that. I love his love for Tasha. It tells me how amazing he is as as person. It's also good for his kids to see the love he still holds for their mom."

The woman added after her sister died, her sister's widower "remarried after 6 months and has erased my sister with their children. He stopped me having a relationship with them too and I hate it."

In contrast, OP said she and her husband put the children first.

"The kids being good with us was the most important thing to us when we became something more. The only condition they had to their support was their mom. They didn't want her to be forgotten," she wrote. "They didn't want my husband to stop talking about her or for her photos to disappear from the house. Some came down. But they're still in the house just not on the walls and there are still photos of her around."

"It works. I tell my daughter (2) and will tell my son I'm pregnant with that she's their big siblings mom and daddy's late wife," she added. "They'll know who she is and what she means to our family."

According to OP, however, her in-laws have a major problem with this.

"My husband's parents and sister don't like that Tasha is still very much loved and kept alive. They didn't like her. They didn't approve of their son/brother marrying at 20 and loving someone who came from a very 'unfavorable family'. They judged Tasha for it harshly. They think I'm far better," she wrote, later revealing why her in-laws believe Tasha's family to be "unfavorable."

"Most of her family were in and out of prison while she was a child. She was the only member of her immediate family not in and out of jail," OP said. "Apparently the reputation was just very bad and even though most people knew Tasha was lovely and not like her family, my PIL and SIL judged her for the actions of her family and did not want her associated with their family."

The woman said her in-laws "expected me to replace Tasha" following her death.

"They were especially horrified that my husband keeps a photo of Tasha in his wallet and on his desk at work," she explained. "There are also photos of me in both."

"Recently they brought this up with me and told me I should forbid my husband from doing this. They said it is horribly disrespectful to me and it has prevented my husband's teenage children from truly embracing me as their mother," she continued. "They told me to march right up to him in front of everyone and to tell him that he cannot keep photos of his dead wife anymore. It bothered me so much that they were so callous about it. I told them not to use me in their sick and twisted scheme to erase Tasha because I wanted no part of it."

OP added. "They focused on the sick and twisted aspect. And they are saying I called them sick and twisted and accused me of overreacting to their support. My husband was furious with them when he heard and told them to be thankful his kids hadn't heard them."

"AITA though?"

The woman received overwhelming support in response to her post, which received an official "Not the A-hole" label. Redditors praised OP for honoring her husband's late wife, and keeping her memory alive for their children, with many applauding her empathy and the support she has for her husband.

In addition to naming the woman as "NTA," a handful of users slammed her in-laws, writing her husband's parents were actually the "a--holes" in the situation.

"NTA. It is sick and twisted," a Redditor wrote, agreeing with OP's initial accusation about her in-laws. "I would go so far to say as it ultimately shows a complete lack of love for their son. Instead of trusting him to do what is right for himself, they prefer that he conform to some f--ked up standard. (At best their love is conditional.)"

"Your husband needs to have a stern talk with them in which he makes it clear that if they don't cut the crap and accept how he chooses to live and love, they will end up with a far less important role in his life," they added. "This is not threat, but a natural outcome of the distance their actions will create."

OP replied to the user, pointing out that her in-laws' "grandchildren they say they love so much are half of the woman they're trying to erase. She carried them and gave birth to them. She is a huge part of them. So how she can try to so forcefully erase her is beyond me."

"Kudos for your empathy in this situation. You clearly love your husband for all he is: his past, his children, their past, etc. Speaks very highly of who you are," a Redditor commented.

"NTA. It's beautiful that he's allowing his kids to keep the memory of their mother alive, and encouraging it. So many people move on and try to forget. Keeping those memories is a good thing for them mentally. They overstepped and should back the hell off," another user said, to which OP replied, "It's good for them all. They all love Tasha and always will. There is no good in hiding that or trying to write over that with someone else. It will only cause problems in the future."

Meanwhile, one commenter shared a similar story about how her friend married a widower, and how the family celebrates her husband's late wife.

"People ask my friend why. She always says that if it wasn’t for her husband’s first wife, her bonus kids wouldn’t exist, she owes it to the whole family to honor that, and there’s no room for jealousy in her house," the user told OP, while another Redditor noted that OP's husband "wouldn't be who he is without the late wife."

OP chimed in, sharing that she and her husband have discussed this before. "We would not have been compatible before," she wrote. "And that goes for both of us in ways. Even Tasha knew it. She asked him not to marry for who he was when they got married but who he would be once she was gone and he had grieved and processed as well as he could."

Several Redditors suggested that OP and her husband should limit or end all contact with her in-laws as a result of their actions.

"NTA. But they are. Why is your husband still talking to them, if they try to erase Tasha from him - and more important[t] from his kids live[s]? This is sick and twisted. As you told them," a person wrote. "they tried to bring you to make a s[c]ene to prove a point only they have and to destroy your family? This is - just a s--tty stunt from them. And should result in nc or lc for at least a while."

"NTA. Firstly, the fact you are this supportive of your husband's love for his late wife, and support him when the grief gets rough (birthdays, anniversaries) makes you a wonderful person," another added. "Secondly, cut these in-laws out of your kids lives (unless they already have a good relationship, then reduce their time together) they do not need an influence like that. They love their late mom and if you let their grandparents spend more time with them, they'll adopt their ideologies and forget about their mom."

OP replied to the comment, writing that one thing she loves about her relationship with her husband is that they can "support each other."

"I support him, and his children, on the rougher days where Tasha's death is a little more raw again and he does the same for me when it comes to missing my sister and her children," she said. "And we understand loss. I love him more for being the man he is and for loving Tasha still and making that an important part of him that any partner would have needed to accept. I love him as a father too. It makes him more attractive to me."