The woman definitely raised some additional questions on Reddit's AITA forum when she noted she and her now-ex both "like theatrics," playing that up after their divorce.
A woman has taken to the internet for advice after the fallout from her recent divorce left her mother outraged.
Her story, which she shared on Reddit's infamous AITA ("Am I the A--hole") forum, has plenty of twists and turns, with most of them garnering support from the forum's commenters.
There were definitely some questions raised, though, particularly when she said she used "theatrics" with her family after the divorce. And when the full truth came out, her mother vowed to tell "everyone" about the woman's "betrayal." Nevertheless, the internet has her back!
Read on to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.
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View StoryThe Original AITA Post on Reddit
The OP (a.k.a. the "original poster") opened her story by explaining that both she and her ex-husband come from "very religious" families, and that they've known each other since they were teens. "After finishing HS we decided to leave the church together, but it would be difficult, since both our families were very strict," she shared.
"My parents wanted me to marry someone from the same church, but wouldn't stop introducing me to older gross men. My ex husband told me that he was gay, and was too scared of coming out because he would lose everything," she added. "So I had the idea of getting married together."
She said the story was actually more complicated than that, but the bottom line was "I wasn't interested in marriage and he wanted to keep his family happy." Since they were from the same church, her parents wouldn't object to the marriage, so they went through with their plan.
She texted me ANGRY asking why I was still taking to my 'slur slur slur godless cheating ex'
"So we did it, stayed married for 4 years, then his parents died because during the pandemic they would do anything except for listening to a doctor," OP wrote. And after everything from their deaths was resolved, the couple "decided to move far away and lose contact with a lot of people from our church."
After some time away, OP's then-husband decided he wanted to come out. "We agreed on divorcing since the cover-up wouldn't be necessary anymore," she explained. "I never had real romantic feelings for him, but got to love him in a way."
She went on to add, "Since we both like theatrics, I played the poor heartbroken wife who just discovered her marriage was a lie part. It was funny seeing the reactions of the people, except for our new friends because we were honest about our arrangement from the beginning."
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View Story"He is now living as himself for the first time," she continued. "Since this is his first pride he was so excited about it and showing off his first boyfriend, and as his ex wife I was so happy about him and left comments on his public posts." That's where things went wrong for OP, because her mother found out about the posts and her comments.
"She texted me ANGRY asking why I was still taking to my 'slur slur slur godless cheating ex' I told her that I'm happy he is happy, but she still insisted, and then I told her that I knew from the beginning," OP wrote. This only made matters worse as OP's mother said "she had put a lot of effort into helping us in our marriage but it was a lie from the beginning."
"I just told her it wasn't a lie to me, I came up with the idea," OP wrote. "She called me a lot of names and said 'I WILL MAKE SURE EVERYONE HERE KNOWS ABOUT YOUR BETRAYAL' I was just like 'ok.'"
Now, OP isn't sure if they're fully in the right here, concluding her post, "I don't think I did anything wrong but I've been wrong many times before so I wonder if her feelings are justified, she has been a good mother to me after all."
How Reddit Reacted
While most people were supportive overall of OP, there were some questions with how she worded some aspects of her story. One that stood out was when she noted they both like theatrics and she "played the poor heartbroken wife." But when challenged on that, OP explained, "I did not solicit support from people, I did some posts about how heartbroken I was to have been lied my whole marriage, and people came with 'thoughts and prayers' and 'talk to god.'"
Offering a nuanced response to OP's approach, one commenter wrote, "That's fair, still kind of ass hole-y to fake the heart break story knowing what kind of reactions it would get from people, but they're homophobes so I think you can get a pass."
Another didn't hold back at all, writing, "As far as I'm concerned, you escaped being sold off to a gross older man in the church. It was a brilliant idea that helped you both get away from whatever cult your mom is in that thinks 18yo young women should marry ugly old men."
Your parents sure taught you what true love doesn't look like
The forum also applauded OP for helping her friend out of a potentially sticky situation. "As a gay man who enjoys the company of many wonderful straight female allies, I love you for this," wrote one of them. "For protecting him from his horrible family and the church and for protecting his spirit from being destroyed. I hope that you guys have a friendship you’ll cherish forever. You probably saved that man’s life!!"
"There really is no hate like Christian love," wrote another. "Both you and your ex are lucky to have each other. That type of unconditional love and support is rare. Your parents sure taught you what true love doesn't look like."
One Redditor suggested that all OP was doing was adding fuel to the fire of the religious organization's apparent bigotry, but she wasn't hearing any of that. "How is [this] giving ammunition when those people hate their own shadow because the shadow is black?" she shot back.
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View StoryThere was some commiseration for the parents, though, in regard to their financial investment in a wedding that was a sham from the beginning -- especially if they knew they would eventually divorce -- with one noting, "there is at least some amount of A--hole-ness associated with taking the money and running."
OP acknowledged that both families did pay for the wedding, while the couple covered the honeymoon. She also argued that the divorce wasn't planned from the beginning as they were "the best roommates, and very close friends." The decision to split came later, and was his idea as part of his coming out journey.
When she was asked why she even told her mom she knew the wedding was a sham from the beginning, OP admitted her emotions got the best of her. "Honestly, I was stressed and was a way to say F--k you to my mom. At the moment, I thought that saying that to her to make her drown in her anger would be better than trying to explain myself for something so insignificant."
This is a beautiful story that can still have a beautiful ending of 'And then I blocked all of my bigoted family on every platform and way possible'
She did come back on later, though, to defend her mother as the comments started getting harsher and harsher about the unspecified religion and her mom ... especially with some wondering how she could be described as a good mom, despite everything else OP wrote. OP explained she was when "compared to other people's moms in the community I had grown in."
She shared that her mom had a similar experience to what she was trying to avoid, being "married off to a much older man right after high school, who is my dad, so for her it was normal and saw nothing wrong about it," adding that her father was "horrible but I'm not talking about it."
"I can see know that we should have taken our secret to the grave, but as you might say, the cat is now out of the bag and honestly, I don't care about anybody back home, my mom, dad, siblings, former friends, I don't care about them," OP wrote in her final comment. "Some of them have a bad image of me because I got divorced anyway."
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View StoryOne person's conclusion after reading OP's summed up much of the Reddit response. "This is a beautiful story that can still have a beautiful ending of 'And then I blocked all of my bigoted family on every platform and way possible and found my real love and passion in *insert hobby, person, pets here* The end!'"
"What you two did was very sweet, I don't see anything wrong with what you did," the anonymous commenter continued. "You both helped each other in a time of need to extricate yourselves from a situation of hate and fearmongering. I hope you two stay close friends and you both find the love of your life - even if that love is a passion project or hobby."
What do you think?