Nikki Glaser Targets Diddy, Celebrity Partners and Ben Affleck In Golden Globe Monologue

Nikki Glaser was clearly excited to be in the room as host for the Golden Globes. And recognizing that this was a huge opportunity for her, she didn't take sharp hits at most of the celebrities directly, though sometimes those sitting closest got hit in the crossfire.

"I am not here to roast you tonight, I want you to know that. And how could I? You're all so famous, so talented, so powerful. I mean, you could really do anything," she said at the top of the show. "I mean except tell the country who to vote for."

"But it's okay, you'll get 'em next time … if there is one," she said, adding after a pause, "I'm scared. Ariana, hold my finger."

The standup comedian and roast comic hit the national conversation in a big way after her showstopping set at the roast of Tom Brady last year, where it looked like there she not only took off the kid gloves, she burned them on the stage in front of everyone.

Tonight, she was more subdued and reverential to most of the celebrities in attendance, instead opting to punch up at most of her targets, or make gentle barbs that were either complementary, or just such low-hanging fruit as to be inoffensive.

She did have some pointed commentary about Diddy's ongoing legal struggles that left some in the crowd uncomfortably tittering, but even these lacked what we know she's capable of.

Her general approach on the night was to heap praise on the nominees, with humor couched around her comments, and then throw a barb somewhere else. Diddy came up while she was praising Zendaya's performances in both Dune and Challengers.

"Zendaya, you were incredible in Dune, oh my god. I woke up for all of your scenes," Glaser quipped, before shifting to Challengers, which she dubbed "more sexually charged than Diddy's credit card."

To the tepid and uncertain audience reaction. Glaser added, "Oh no, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm upset, too. The afterparty's not gonna be as good this year, but we have to move on. I know, Stanley Tucci freak-off just doesn't have the same ring to it. No baby oil this year, just lots of olive oil."

She did a similar pivot while talking about Wicked, using the controversy about some fans singing along to talk about another film. "Some people complained the movie was ruined by people singing," she said of Wicked, before adding, "And then Joker 2, some people complained that the movie was ruined by the images on the screen and the sounds that accompanied them."

She then started looking around the room. "I'm sorry, Joker 2, where's that table?" she asked before feigning. "Oh, they're not here, that's right."

Glaser also took shots at nominee-adjacent people, and particularly the partners of those nominated. She heaped praise on Nicole Kidman for her 20th overall nomination for Babygirl, before adding, "And thank you to Keith Urban for playing guitar around the house so much that she wants to leave and make 18 movies a year. Keep strumming, you kooky koala."

Sometimes the jokes were the easy ones -- so obvious as to be inoffensive -- like when she pointed out Selena Gomez for her dual nominations for Emilia Perez and Only Murders in the Building, praising the actress before pointing out her new fiancé, Benny Blanco.

"Benny Blanco is here because of the genie that granted him that wish. Lucky guy," Glaser joked. She went on to call the Netflix film, "the most audacious to ever autoplay after Is It Cake, seriously. So good."

Another example of the comedian punching up in a similar manner came earlier in the night when she noted Eddie Redmayne's nomination for his work on Peacock's The Day of the Jackal. "It's about a top-secret elite sniper that no one can find 'cause he's on Peacock," she joked, adding, "I think I've seen more actual peacocks in my life than shows on Peacock."

In another obvious joke, she praised Tilda Swinton for her great work as Timothée Chalamet before praising Chalamet, as well, for his work as ... himself ... before a gentle jab. "Can I just say, you have the most gorgeous eyelashes on your upper lip," she told him. "I think this is just such a good look."

She went on to praise his work as Bob Dylan in A Complete Unknown as so good that "Dylan himself admitted that it was absolutely horrible. You nailed it."

All of this led up to a bit where she asked that the next "beloved eccentric" he portray be Adam Sandler, before noting that his name sounds like something Sandler would say as one of his nonsense phrases. And with that, she turned it over to Sandler to do just that.

Additional low-hanging-fruit jokes were when she pointed out Denzel Washington's presence for Gladiator II, Cynthia Erivo's for Wicked, "and Martin Short because we have cameras." The comedy legend is, of course, also there because of his nominated work on Gomez' Only Murders.

The shots she took at celebs were funny and gentle, not picking on sore spots or insecurities. "Well, tonight we celebrate the best of film, and hold space for television," she said, as an example. "Yes, Wicked, Queer, Nightfish. These are not just words Ben Affleck, yells after he orgasms, these are some of the incredible movies nominated tonight."

And, like any good comedian who's not looking to offend anyone else, Glaser turned a lot of the jokes on herself. She pointed out industry icon Harrison Ford and joked, "I was actually talking to Harrison back stage, and after he gave me his drink order, I asked him, I said, would you rather work with Zendaya or Ariana and he said Indica, so we're gonna find him some."

She also thanked Glen Powell for his body of work, saying, "what a year you've had, oh my god. Glen, you were in everything, Twisters, Hitman, my head when I'm having sex with my boyfriend. Thank you so much for the assist ... I'll see you tonight."

If one of her potentially most offensive jokes was quipping that Adrien Body is a two-time Holocaust survivor for his work in The Piano and The Brutalist, it could be argued she had a pretty successful start to her night.