It's only Night One and already things have kicked into high gear on the first-ever U.S. edition of "Celebrity Big Brother." And that means we need to start slashing prices on these stars right away, because we have got to start moving them (out), and we mean sooner rather than later!
At only three weeks in duration -- the same length as the Olympics; we see what you did there, CBS! -- we've got to knock this group of eleven celebrities down to a single winner in record time. That's a lot to get done in a very limited time, so we've decided to come along for the ride and help you figure out who's got their head in the game, and who needs to go.
It's all about that $250,000 prize, and as Brandi Glanville said, "I will do anything for money. I'm hustling."
So thinking value, we're going to run this season like you'd run a department store. Each product, or celebrity, may have come in with equal value, but pretty quickly you start to see that certain ones aren't working. First, you try discounting them to see if they can turn things around and become solid performers again. But if that doesn't work, it's time to put them on clearance so you can sell them out (the door). With that said, let's take a look at our inventory, ranked from our strongest performer to our weakest.
Shannon Elizabeth ("American Pie") earned the season's first Head of Household, giving her the power to select two houseguests for eviction. But even before she outlasted 27-year-old James Maslow ("Big Time Rush") in an endurance competition, she had already spearheaded an all-girls alliance with Omarosa. A self-described superfan, Shannon knew she needed to move quickly, and with a 6-5 advantage, the girls should strike now.
Omarosa Manigault ("The Apprentice" and recent Trump administration castaway) lucked into safety this week, but still earns high marks for her masterful grasp of the game almost immediately. She swept in like the ultimate diva, but she is playing a very subtly competitive game. She spear-headed the all-girls alliance with Shannon and even called out James when he tried to bargain with Shannon during the competition. She is here to play!
Ross Matthews ("Chelsea Lately") may not be part of the all-girls alliance, but he's still playing a savvy social game early on. Even if it only makes him the last of the guys picked off (should the alliance hold), it's good gameplay. After Shannon won, he was right there. "Shannon wins the challenge and I am her knight in shining armor with like two towels. I'm not dumb," he said. "Big Brother" is so much more than winning challenges, and Ross clearly gets that.
Marissa Jaret Winokur ("Hairspray") has flown a little under the radar so far, as far as the guys know, but secretly is very close to Shannon and quickl emerges as one of the leaders of the all-girls alliance. "Isn't it like the year of women?" she asked. So far, so good.
Ariadna Guttierez (almost Miss Universe 2015) and Keshia Knight Pulliam ("The Cosby Show") are flying so low as to be almost invisible, but have aligned themselves with the power in the house for the moment.
Mark McGrath (Sugar Ray), Chuck Liddell (UFC) and Metta World Peace (NBA) are on the wrong side of the numbers, but they're also almost non-entities in the house, so they're probably not going to be the first targets. That said, they need to figure out what's going on or start winning something to flip this house around, or they're going to be next.
Brandi Glanville ("The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills") needs to realize this is a different show than that one and she's not going to be rewarded for getting bitchy and attacking people. Yelling at James in front of everyone just because she found him annoying when all he was trying to do was answer her question isn't going to make her any friends in the house. While she's safe in the all-girls alliance right now, as soon as they don't need her, she'll be the first to go. The season is too short to get away with being awful for no reason. Here's the really sad part; she just got finished playing a season of "CBB" in the UK, and she did awful there. Clearly she learned nothing, as well.
James Maslow ("Big Time Rush") was doing well early on when he fell on the wrong side of Brandi's pointless wrath over his very existence ... because there was wine and that's what she does. After she attacked him, he earned some sympathy for his fellow houseguests, and then he proved himself a powerhouse in competitions as well. But after he tried to make a deal with Shannon, when he was the one struggling, Omarosa called him out on it and shut it down immediately. It was a smart move, but his game was just put on blast, so he needs to lie low or start befriending some of the ladies as he's probably their first target now.
"Big Brother: Celebrity Edition" is on all the damned time! Upcoming installments in the next week air on Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday.