"I wanted to come out and speak about it because it's something that so many people deal with and as women, we are trained to deal with it silently," she said.
Hilaria Baldwin says she's "pretty sure" her pregnancy "won't stick" and she'll suffer a miscarriage.
In her first on-camera interview since her emotional announcement, Hilaria spoke to NBC's Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb about how she's doing and why she decided to be open about such a sensitive subject.
"I'm feeling okay," Hilaria explained. "I mean, this is something that has not been easy. I understand it and I wanted to come out and speak about it because it's something that so many people deal with and as women, we are trained to deal with it silently."
"You're definitely not supposed to say anything before 12 weeks," she added. "And some of that is because people are superstitious or that's how they feel they're going to be stronger but a lot of it, for other people, is from fear and I don't think we have to live with such fear."
When asked about the moment she grew "concerned" about her current pregnancy, Hilaria said, "Anybody who has had children or multiple children, you know that you have your scans and your different appointments. The good news -- [the technicians] are always very chipper and they say wonderful things, and then there is the silence. The silence makes you very nervous. This technician, she just kept on being quiet and kept on trying to find the heartbeat...and she said to me that the heartbeat is not very fast."
Baldwin said she has an appointment Tuesday afternoon to find out how the baby is doing, however, she doesn't think the odds are looking good. "I think I'm going to have the answer one way or the other," she said. "I'm pretty sure this is not going to stick and, you know, when we agree to be parents, we have to accept the good and the bad...we have to open our hearts and realize that there is going to be hard moments, too."
She added, "I said to all of my girlfriends, if I ever get pregnant again, I am going to say it right away because, especially with my life it's so public and everybody is trying to figure out what's going on all the time."
I want to share with you that I am most likely experiencing a miscarriage. I always promised myself that if I were to get pregnant again, I would share the news with you guys pretty early, even if that means suffering a public loss. I have always been so open with you all about my family, fitness, pregnancies...and I don’t want to keep this from you, just because it isn’t as positive and shiny as the rest. I think it’s important to show the truth...because my job is to help people by being real and open. Furthermore, I have no shame or embarrassment with this experience. I want to be a part of the effort to normalize miscarriage and remove the stigma from it. There is so much secrecy during the first trimester. This works for some, but I personally find it to be exhausting. I’m nauseous, tired, my body is changing. And I have to pretend that everything is just fine—and it truly isn’t. I don’t want to have to pretend anymore. I hope you understand. So, this is what is going on now: the embryo has a heartbeat, but it isn’t strong, and the baby isn’t growing very much. So we wait—and this is hard. So much uncertainty...but the chances are very, very small that this is a viable pregnancy. I have complete confidence that my family and I will get through this, even if the journey is difficult. I am so blessed with my amazing doctor, my dear friends, and my loving family...My husband and my four very healthy babies help me keep it together and have the perspective of how truly beautiful life is, even when it occasionally seems ugly. The luck and gratitude I feel that I am my babies’ mommy, is wonderfully overwhelming and comforting. In your comments, please be kind. I’m feeling a bit fragile and I need support. I’m hoping, that by sharing this, I can contribute to raising awareness about this sensitive topic.
Hilaria also sent a message to other women who have experienced a miscarriage.
"I want women who have gone through this to know: There is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone," she wrote in an essay for Glamour, published Tuesday. "I know this didn’t happen because I did something wrong. This is just nature. Sharing allowed me to feel heard and helped me receive support and wisdom from other women who have experienced the same thing."
"Emotionally I'm still healing; physically the process is not over," she added. "Miscarriages can take days or even weeks, and I'll have more checkups ahead. But my hope is that, whether it's a miscarriage or some other trial in life, women realize that they don't have to behave a certain way, or share a certain way, or hide a certain way."
Hilaria opening up about her story comes after her nephew in marriage, Justin Bieber, received major backlash online after he pulled an April Fool's Day prank, joking his wife Hailey Baldwin was pregnant with their first child.
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