"I do remember telling someone I sell Avon and left entertainment because they're all buttholes."
Adrianne Curry took her fans behind the scenes of her traumatic breast implant removal in a lengthy and detailed blog post, complete with gruesome photos.
The first ever "America's Next Top Model" winner prefaced the tale with the following warning: "This message brought to you by Oxycodone," so we knew we were in for quite the ride. She then went on to describe her intense preparation for the surgery, her gut instinct telling her to stay overnight in the emergency room and the scary realization that her worst nightmare had come true: there was a massive complication.
On Jan. 4, Curry and her husband, Matthew Rhode, flew to Chicago to meet up with her surgeon, Dr. Mussat. Her pre-op was the following day. She said she kept hearing of women who underwent perfect "explants" and only needed Tylenol for the pain. She was hoping to have the same experience but prepared for the worst due to her "history of the worst luck on earth."
The surgery took place Monday morning. "I was scared beyond anything. I fear going under so badly. In fact, it's my number one fear in life...that I will wink out of existence," she explained. "They gave me some happy juice so I would calm down a bit before wheeling me in. Like many before me...I don't remember jack shit! Well, I do remember telling someone I sell Avon and left entertainment because they're all buttholes. That's it."
The operation was over before Curry knew it, but it was not smooth sailing from there. "That is when the pain started. My husband was amazing, helping me drink and eat. However, I wondered why I was hurting so bad when so many other women proclaimed how easy it all was. I wondered if I was just a wuss," she said, noting she "worried people were thinking I was being a diva" and "felt embarrassed every time I'd hiss in pain or hit the nurse button."
Dr. Mussat ended up sending Curry photos of the implants she removed. Her right implant was "fully ruptured leaking silicone in my body for god knows how long. It was also a very different color than the other. People used to not believe me when I told em I got implants for a size difference, so look at these and eat shit, assholes!"
"I was so happy to have some gross toxic sack leaking in my body taken out. Yet, my pain got worse," she recalled. "My chest swelled so badly, you cant see my clavicle. My hands and fingers looked like sausages. My eyes, cheeks, everything was swelling."
Eventually, Dr. Mussat told Curry what the problem was: "I had a hematoma so big it looked like I got only one fake titty!" A hematoma is a collection of blood outside of a blood vessel that's usually a result of trauma of any kind. It's not uncommon in post-surgery patients but is quite serious and must be dealt with accordingly. Curry was told she needed a second surgery.
"Of course, NO LUCK ME not only had insurance deny method surgery...for getting rid of my titty that had popped and oozed inside me...AND I needed two surgeries in a day!!" she explained. "I tried to negotiate NOT going to surgery again with the Dr. Good ole drugged up me...luckily, she was having none of it."
But because Curry had eaten, drank and had drugs in her system, she was told she could not be sedated prior to being put under. "Talk about being scared shitless! I just wept and cried. Why is my body always such a dick with everything!?!?"
"I remember battling the anesthesia cause I am claustrophobic and didn't want the mask on my face," she recalled, adding that she felt relief in knowing she had a team of only women. "Talk about empathy and compassion."
"When I awoke, there was Matt. I felt so beaten up physically, but he pushed himself to the point of delirium to make sure I was ok," she said, adding, "All night, any moan or groan, he'd awake and try to help me. It is currently 4:30 in the morning and I am too sore to sleep. My throat feels ravaged by tubes...I'm swollen from my hips to my shoulders..and bruising is starting too. I have drains for 5 days. I left the hospital immediately. They expected me to stay another 3 to 4 hours. NOPE! I was DONE."
"I am so happy to have that leaking sack of yellowed silicone taken out of my body," she went on, later adding, "Mussat had to remove some of my bigger boob to even them out due to the scar tissue she took from my right. I am guessing I will be flat as a pancake."
Curry ended her long post with a PSA: "Surgery for 'looking hot' is fucking stupid! The risks and complications that can come with each one seem to be ignored by the next Brazilian buttlift patient. I am very interested in how I will feel now that I don't have silicone spilling around my heart and lungs. I am beyond grateful for my doctor, nurses and anesthesiologist for making sure I was ok...and doing what they had to do to ensure that no matter the time."