(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)
The episode started with Khloe shopping with her best friends, Malika and her twin sister Khadijah, for Malika’s baby. The father of Malika's baby is rapper OT Genasis, but they were not together anymore. Since Khloe was acting as her surrogate partner, she wanted to throw her an epic baby shower. Malika was feeling overwhelmed because she never envisioned she would have a child while single. She wanted to be married or at least living with someone. She liked baby shopping with her twin sister and Khloe, but it’s not how she wanted to do things.
North West: Well guess what? I didn't plan on an employee needing to go on maternity leave so close to Christmas, yet there I was. Expected to run an empire one Malika short.
The Malikas weren't the only ones that had to adjust their whole life because of the baby. The lack of compassion for me is astounding.
Kourtney had a mini photoshoot and a meeting with her team for her lifestyle website, POOSH. Kourtney had been putting her energy towards trying to get a lot of content out for POOSH. The meeting with her team consisted of talking about articles on odd jobs since Kourtney and her family don't have traditional jobs. Some professions they discussed included: the professional sleeper, the full-time Netflix viewer, and professional cuddlers. They decided it would be a cool idea to explore these jobs and actually go test them out. Kourtney told the story how she once was a foot model for Sketchers and she would model shoes during their meetings with other retail stores.
It's so adorable that Auntie Kourt called taking a photo with her iPhone, putting a filter on it and uploading the picture to Instagram, a photoshoot. It's almost as bad as the time she gave a quote to Mason's school newspaper and swore she did a press junket.
A POOSH meeting was everything I suspected it to be: A group of women eating gluten free salads and talking about jobs they would have if they didn't have to work for POOSH.
Khloe re-visited an old prank she and Scott pulled on Kris. They previously staged some unflattering paparazzi pictures of the momager, but they weren't believable. Khloe and Scott needed to initiate phase two.
To get more believable photos, Khloe planned to get Kris extremely drunk while at dinner with Kim and Corey. Khloe and Kim wanted Kris to black out and not remember anything. The plan was that after Kris got home from dinner, Khloe would coordinate with Kris' assistant to get Kris' outfit so she could put it on and get photos of her looking exactly like her mom from that evening. The clothes and jewelry would match so well on Khloe that Kris wouldn't know if it was her or an imposter. Khloe was ordering her and Kris martinis, but Khloe's drinks were actually water while Kris was drinking alcohol.
If Auntie Khloe put this much effort into her own brand, Good American, she wouldn't have to peddle Febreze on Instagram.
Kourtney visited a "Cuddle Sanctuary" to do POOSH research on cuddling being an actual job. The organization explained that their job helps people struggling with loneliness and touch deprivation. Kourtney and her team went through different cuddle positions that the organization offered. Kourtney realized through the exercises that she's not an affectionate person and doesn't like to cuddle with anybody, except her boyfriend and her kids. She didn't recall being cuddled by her parents or sisters. Her family just wasn't affectionate in that way.
Auntie Kourt thought their mission was important and actually asked for an application to work at the "Cuddle Sanctuary," but never followed through. She found out she would be required to work more than one day a week and the work day starts at 12pm and could go as long as 2pm.
Khloe visited Malika at her new home. It was her first home and Khloe was so proud of her. Khloe wanted to be there for Malika as much as she could. Malika said that she and her son's father were in two different places in their lives, so while they are not in a relationship, they have agreed to co-parent. However, Malika also mentioned that he was "no f–king help" when it came to putting together their baby-to-be's nursery.
"I just need to get a handyman here to put his crib together because his dad doesn't do stuff like that," she vented.
Honestly, who in this family or friend group isn't co-parenting? It's actually a big trend right now in Hollywood. Co-Parenting is the new black.
Kourtney and her friend went to lunch with Kendall to talk about her experience at the "Cuddle Sanctuary." Kendall had heard about it, but never did it because it's super awkward. Kourtney and Kendall agreed that the family was not affectionate. Kourtney realized that it's not just her, the whole family felt uncomfortable with affection.
Because Auntie Kourt brought up the work she did with POOSH, she considered the lunch as a business lunch for a tax deduction.
At Khloe's house, Khloe went through her Kris Jenner transformation for phase 2 of her and Scott's prank. Khloe and Scott went to the liquor store and took staged paparazzi pics of Khloe looking a drunken mess. They got some great shots and gave the photos to their PR person to leak.
Back at Malika's house, Khloe asked Malika for her vision for her baby shower. Malika wanted black and white stripes, but Khloe said it was too "Beetlejuice." They moved on to the topic of Malika's ex, OT Genasis. Malika she had a good talk with him about parenting, pediatricians and nannies. She also said OT was going to take care of everything with the nursery, but Khloe was skeptical because he had been all talk and no action. Malika's due date was around the corner and Khloe wanted her to have a "sense of security."
Shopping sprees for the baby? New house? Nannies? Exactly how much am I paying the Malikas???
Khloe met with Khadijah to discuss Malika's baby shower. They called Malika to ask what she didn't want at her baby shower. Malika said she didn't want a lot of people, only 55. Khloe said that was a lot of people. Malika explained that she had to invite OT Gensasis' family. She went on to say that she was getting so frustrated she didn't even want a shower and burst into tears.
Khloe knew that Malika's emotions were mainly about OT Genasis and she would regret not having a shower. Khloe and Khadijah assured her that the baby shower would be fun and there would not be any negativity.
Watching this I really felt for the Malikas. I had no idea they were going through so much. We have a close working relationship, but rarely do we dive into each other's personal life because it's inappropriate.
I feel bad I made them work so much overtime while they were struggling to put together a co-parenting themed baby shower.
At Kim's house, Kourtney and Khloe met up for a work out. Kourtney was curious as to why affection is so awkward and uncomfortable, so she asked Khloe for a hug. It was very awkward and Khloe thought something was wrong. Earlier, Kourtney hugged Kim and Kim thought it was a joke. She then gave North a long hug and told her that a hug should be at least 15-20 seconds. It was awkward and North kept playing on her tablet during the hug.
Kourtney hugged Kris and she was fine but didn't want a second hug. Khloe said that even though Kourtney isn't a hugger, she does like to hold hands as a safety blanket. Khloe also said that she and Kourtney used to be more affectionate, but not so much recently because she thinks Kourtney doesn't like her very much.
Let's look at the facts: She put her hands on my mama. Made us come to her house on Christmas (with no catering!). Throws a fit every time we ask her to do glam. Quit my show to start an online journal about avocado pudding. Now I ask you. If you were me, would you hug this person?
On the day of Malika's baby shower, Khloe showed up to the venue early and was excited for what she had in store for the guest of honor. Even though Malika said no to a lot of things, Khloe hoped she liked everything she did for her. Malika was emotional upon arrival, she thought the shower was very cute. Malika thanked Khloe and Khadijah, all the women in the room for supporting her and she thanked OT Genasis for giving her a son. Khloe was glad OT Genasis came to the shower. Malika felt very loved.
I did not attend the shower because I wanted the Malikas to feel comfortable and it's hard to be relaxed when the boss is around. I get it. Instead, I sent over a nice diaper cake and told Auntie Khloe to put the balloons on my credit card.
At Kourtney's house, Kourtney had the professional cuddler come to set-up to lead cuddle exercises with Khloe, Kim, Kris. The girls were shocked. Khloe insisted she does not hug strangers. Kourtney assured them it would be okay. She said the point was not to be uncomfortable, but to be in touch with themselves. The professional cuddler guided them in breathing exercises with strange sounds. Khloe and Kourtney laughed so hard they cried. They moved on to a hugging exercise and then to a spooning exercise. Kourtney admitted that after all the arguments and misunderstandings, it felt nice to just lay down with her family and have a moment.
At Khloe's house, Khloe and Scott call the family PR person to let her know that it was time to call Kris about the fake leaked photos. Kris was in the car with Corey, who was now in on the prank. PR called Kris and Khloe and Scott listened while on mute. PR explained to Kris that TMZ had images of Kris at the liquor store with a bottle of vodka. Kris was very confused, but to make it more believable Corey lied and said that they stopped at a liquor store on the night in question. The publicist texted the photos to Kris. Kris said it was hard to tell if it was actually her in the photos because they were dark, but Corey continued to lie to her and tell her that the photos were definitely her. Kris was embarrassed and furious with Corey.
After the call, Khloe called Kim to tell her that Kris actually believed she's in the pictures and she and Corey were fighting over them. Kim thought it was all so funny.
Later, Kris and Corey arrived at Khloe's house and Kris was distracted by her phone. Scott and Khloe asked her what was wrong, but Kris said she was just stressed out and had a lot going on, but didn't want to talk about it. It was clear that she was still shook by the call from her publicist.
Khloe and Scott started to feel bad so they decided to come clean. Even when they were trying to tell Kris that it was Khloe in the photos and not actually her, she still wasn't fully getting it. When it finally clicked, Kris' only response was, "Wow."
It's interesting that Kris didn’t seem surprised that she was possibly wandering around drunk in a parking lot of a liquor store. Then again, this is the same woman that blacked out at Nobu, took off her pants, and tried to make spicy tuna rolls for the entire restaurant … on my birthday!
"Keeping Up with the Kardashians" airs Thursdays on E!