Dad Celebrated for Telling Daughter to Fat-Shame 'Overweight' Girl at Swim Practice

The parenting tale, shared to an anonymous forum, inspired quite a few arguments in the hundreds of responses it garnered in a less than an hour of being posted to Reddit.

A theme, however, soon emerged with many fellow parents taking his side in the sticky situation. And even if they didn't completely agree, it seemed an overwhelming number could empathize with struggling to advise their children on how to deal with bullying.

That isn't to say there weren't a few who were totally appalled by his behavior.

Read on to see the whole story so you can make up your own mind about it.

"My (42M) daughter Lucy (10F) joined a swimming club 2 months ago. She is small and slim for her age but swims to a high standard. At the club they separate the kids into lanes by ability. She's in the second highest ability group with teenagers.

"3 weeks ago 'Z' rejoined the club in Lucy's lane after being absent with a broken arm. Z is 14, tall for her age and overweight. (About twice Lucy's height and 4-5 times her weight) Size aside, she is a formidable character. Constant sneer on her face, very cocksure of herself and speaks to everyone very abruptly.

"2 weeks after Z rejoined, Lucy tearfully confessed that Z was bullying her. She'd been making constant comments and taunts about her size. Insults like 'You're so skinny and insignificant. You're like a little stick. I could just snap you in half or flick you out of the way with my finger'.

"Lucy begged me not to speak to anyone at the club, scared it would make it worse. I reluctantly agreed but said that as a kid, I occasionally had to put up with others making hurtful comments about a physical feature I have. I learnt the best way of handling a verbal bully is to hit back with an equally personal comment so they think twice about coming at you again. I was clear to Lucy that you only ever do this in response to an attack. You never comment negatively on personal appearance otherwise. I suggested that next time Z said about being able to flick her out of the way she should reply 'Yes you probably could. But if I wanted to move YOU out the way I'd have to use a crane since you're so big and fat'. This made Lucy laugh and she said she might try it.

"Partway into next session, Z left the pool and stormed out. Her mum noticed and left the viewing gallery. At the end I went down to meet Lucy. Z's mum stormed over to me and started yelling about how my daughter had body-shamed hers by calling her fat. She ranted about how sensitive Z was, how appalling it is to body-shame someone in this way and wanted to know what I was going to do about it. Z was behind her pretending to cry.

"I stood there and let her rant until she finished. I explained that Z had been bullying Lucy and repeated some of the insults she'd used. I said that Z was four years older, incredibly intimidating and was a classic bully - happy to give it out but can't take it when someone stands up to her. I said I wouldn't be punishing Lucy at all.

"Z denied everything. Her mum believed her and said that anyway, it wasn't the same. Being called small and skinny wasn't as bad as being called fat! She said I was a bad parent and an AH. I said I wouldn't be engaging any more with her since she was clearly unable to accept that Z was a bully and was the aggressor. I said that I would tell Lucy not to speak to Z again in the future and suggested she did the same.

"Other parents at the club witnessed this. One was very surprised that I had encouraged Lucy to handle it that way. That made me feel like an AH. AITA?"

Among some of the initial responses, a commenter declared OP the a--hole and stated: "Ah yes … the classic you bully me so now I have the right to bully you tactic. Has that ever worked in the history of ever? There are actual ways to help your daughter stand up for herself. The first way would be to simply ask the person 'how would you like it if I called you fat? I don’t like it when you call me skinny. It’s mean'."

In reply, OP wrote:"'Has that ever worked in the history of ever?' Err....sorry but yes it has, as I said in the original post. I had to put up with kids trying to bully me about a certain physical feature when I was a kid. This tactic worked very well for me."

Then came a cavalcade of support for OP, with many noting that much of the "kill them with kindness" or "just ignore them!" advice hardly if ever works. While others said that often taking the issue to coaches, school administrators and others in positions of authority quite often leads to an increase in bullying.

As one commenter shared: "I was severely bullied by a classmate when I was in third grade. She would harass me day in and day out at school and I became very isolated and stopped eating. My parents tried everything with the school and even contacting her parents, but nothing helped."

"My mom's friend was a cop," the commenter continued. "She sat me down and suggested that the next time this girl came at me, I fight back and I fight dirty. Physically. So, that’s what I did. When the girl cornered me in the stairwell I punched her. She never bothered me again. I’m not saying it’s right, but kids are vicious. Sometimes you’ve gotta be vicious back."

While fighting back was a very popular tactic for dealing with bullies, one commenter shared how that doesn't always work out the way people think it does.

"I've gone through very extreme bullying at school and once also followed someone's advice to 'stand up for myself' by fighting back - all that earned me was a very serious attempt on my life by one of my bullies that ended up in authorities getting involved and me in therapy for years," the commenter recounted. "The only thing that finally made it stop was escalating reports as much and as high as possible until my tormentors were finally appropriately and severely punished."

While another, a swim coach, suggested the most obvious solution would have been the best: "I'm a swim coach. I coach this age group. Please tell the coach. I would nip this s--t right in the bud. It's not uncommon for insecure and immature athletes to act out. This child needs to be told their behavior is unacceptable by the coach. If they can't make adjustments to their behavior, they should be removed from the team. If it goes unchecked, they will continue to bully whoever they can."

Yet another took issue with the message it might be sending to OP's child: "But you, OP, are an adult. Surely you should know that it's inappropriate for you to teach your child to body shame others, even in retaliation. What lesson do you want your daughter to gain from this - that she should be allowed to be cruel to anyone she deems as 'mean'?"

What do you think?