After a woman's accidental discovery at a bridal shop leaves her questioning her friendships, she is accused of invading their privacy -- but the internet has an even harsher take on the whole situation.
A woman has taken to the internet for advice after she was accused of invading her friends' privacy.
In the story, posted to Reddit's infamous and anonymous "Am I the A--hole" forum, the OP (a.k.a. the "original poster") says she was confronted by her two close friends after she abandoned one of them at a bridal shop following an upsetting discovery.
While her family members have assured her she was right to leave under the circumstances, the woman is now doubting her choices.
Read on to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.
The Original AITA Post on Reddit
"I have two friends: Gaby and Shelly. All of us are 23, if that matters. We were roommates in college and stayed in the same city after graduation," writes OP, who goes on to acknowledge that "while the three of us are close, I've always known that Gaby and Shelly are the closest. They have a really sweet friendship."
"Shelly is getting married. Gaby is the maid of honor and I'm one of the bridesmaids," OP continued. She then shared that because Gaby had gotten called into work, she went alone with Shelly to look at wedding dresses. It was here that things took a turn.
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View StoryAfter helping her friend pick out some dresses, OP shared, "Shelly asked that I take pictures and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gaby. I was getting the camera ready when a text from Gaby came through."
OP said she accidentally clicked that message and was going to back out of it when she saw a picture of herself from Instagram from earlier that morning. This was a private chat between Gaby and Shelly.
"Both were making fun of me for the face I was making and my outfit choice. It didn't appear to be very good nature," OP wrote, then admitting that she dug a little deeper, searching for her name in their one-on-one chat.
She added that I’m only hurt because I chose to read all those texts.
"I found multiple pictures that I, my boyfriend or my mom have posted of myself, absolutely ripping them to shreds," she shared. "Ranging from selfies to posed shots to even a few baby pictures. They'd also make fun of me in general in terms of the way I talked, wore my hair and the way I ate. This went back as far as I could tell, at least a year."
Calling it "juvenile and high school," OP said that it "brought me back to a horrible place" after having endured bullying in middle and high school. She explained that the girls "all joke around," but this wasn't that.
"I put the phone in Shelly's purse and brought it to another employee, telling her to tell Shelly that I had to go," wrote OP. "I drove home and had a long cry."
She said that she finally opened up to Shelly about why she left later that night, sharing what she'd found, only to have Shelly turn it back on her. "She went off on me for looking through her private texts and said those were none of my business," she wrote. "She also told me I shouldn't have left the store without saying anything. I said I didn’t want to make a scene but also knew I couldn't fake being happy for her."
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View StoryAccording to OP. Shelly told her those texts with Gabby were "all in good fun" and the fact she's a bridesmaid proves that Shelly loves her. "She added that I'm only hurt because I chose to read all those texts. Later on, Gaby called to tell me that I invaded Shelly's privacy and hurt her by walking out."
OP said that while her boyfriend and mom have her back on this one and that she was right to leave, she's not so sure.
"I just want some unbiased looks," she wrote. "Was I an a--hole to look through the texts and then leave?"
How Reddit Reacted
Not only did the majority of Redditors think OP was definitely NTA ("not the a--hole"), they had some pretty tough life advice for her, as well. "I think I'd drop out of their lives altogether," wrote one, with another agreeing, "Yup. Those girls are not her friends."
Another suggested she at least "drop out of being in the wedding. It's one thing to jokingly make fun of someone 1 time but seems like they have done this to you a bunch of times. And it doesn't seem like it was light-hearted. If I was you I wouldn't feel bad about looking through those messages at all, she handed her phone to you and feels like fate took the opportunity to expose them to you for who they are."
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View StoryThey also noted that neither friend, according to the OP's original post, apologized to her for, but instead turned it around on her. "Notice also how they're not apologising to her for what they said, but are attacking her for looking at the texts," wrote one.
"Deny they did anything wrong. Attack because the argument is weakening that stance. Reverse Victim and Offender," added another. One comment accused the friends of "standard narcissist gaslighting techniques," with a couple of others offering up their collective evidence.
"The patronizing part where the bride says '…you know I love you because you’re my bridesmaid…' basically belittling OPs feelings about the texts like she just needs to be reassured that she’s liked and that will solve everything. Yuck 🤢," wrote one.
Her immediately getting defensive is a real big sign that she doesn’t really GAF about OP’s feelings or perception of the things she read.
Another pointed out another concerning line from OP's original post: "Saying 'you made yourself unhappy by looking', implying that their behavior is fine as OP shouldn't have seen it so it hadn't hurt her as she wouldn't have known. Saying not the texts are causing the hurt but the act of reading it."
One commenter shared what they thought might have been a more normal reaction from OP's friends, writing, "I feel like in that situation I would be horribly embarrassed if I was that friend and I would hope it would humble my smarta-- and I'd own up and apologize for hurting someone that I said was my friend, even if at the time of writing the texts I thought it was all in good fun."
"Her immediately getting defensive is a real big sign that she doesn't really GAF about OP's feelings or perception of the things she read," they continued.
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View StoryWhen asked about the level of joking the three friends normally got into, OP clarified that this went far beyond the norm, commenting, "I have never had similar conversations with them and never even would. We occasionally joke around but I've only ever done it with both of them right there. Would never behind their back."
The community also tried to make OP feel better about prying into the texts, reminding her that the first one happened by accident after Shelly gave her her phone. From there, they assured her, "any sane person would have read the texts especially with pictures of you."
Another commenter, who said they are vehemently opposed to going through another's phone, agreed that "under these unique circumstances," it was justified. They noted that after accidentally seeing her own picture in the chat, "checking the conversation about her own picture was a very human reaction and not unreasonable or unduly invasive."
From there, even the search was justified, per the commenter, as it was OP "acting in self-defense of her emotional health in the context of her commitment to her friendship. She wasn’t unduly intrusive." The bottom line for this commenter to the OP about her friends: "You deserve better."
What do you think?