Woman Not Buying Husband's Excuse for Still Having Nudes of Ex on Phone

The anonymous woman turned to Reddit's Advice forum after confronting her husband over what she found on his phone -- and being left even more confused and overwhelmed by his explanation.

Was she overreacting? Is it really normal? Four months of emotional and mental turmoil finally pushed OP (a.k.a. the "Original Poster") to seek the advice of anonymous Redditors -- who did some digging of their own!

Read on to find out the full story, and how much she's struggling in the aftermath.

The innocent TikTok trend was about a woman comparing pictures she's taken with those her significant other has taken. With her husband off with his new phone, OP didn't think anything of grabbing the old one he'd left behind to play along.

What wasn't so innocent was what she found. "I went to his photos and found n@ked pics of his ex from before we were even together, meaning he's kept them for over 15 years," she wrote.

She went on to explain how involved and committed of a project it was to keep those photos, too, explaining that "because they were originally in a fake calculator app, he had to manually transfer them to every single new phone he's had (about 5 or 6 phones, I think) by removing them from the locked fake calc app, putting them in Google photos, linking his Google account to his new phone, saving the pics to his phone, then moving them to the fake calculator app, and deleting them from Google photos."

The woman then shared some of her mental spiral, noting, "it means he had the pictures in his phone when I was giving birth, our wedding day, during his vows to me at alter, while he was proposing (which was an embarrassing proposal with no thought put into it), on our 10 year wedding anniversary trip...this whole time those pics of her were in his pocket."

When OP confronted her husband about the photos, "he said she means nothing to him and that the pics were just p0rn for him. He kept her pics and ones I've sent to him over the years in the same locked folder, saying he uses them when he's away on work trips."

Well, she quickly deleted all of the photos from his phone, from Google photos, the trash, the fake calculator app and all his old phones -- basically anywhere she could think to look for them. But that didn't stop them from lingering in her mind.

"I've always thought she was really pretty, and over the years I've had two kids and one big health problem, so of course I've gained weight," she wrote, admitting she "spiraled" the following day.

"I did a fake tan, did my nails, got my hair done, and took new pics of myself," she admitted, adding, "I wanted him to find me attractive and not to want (or miss) her pics anymore." She further admitted this has happened more than once in the four months since she first found the pics.

While in a moment of paranoia she admits to digging again through all of his electronics devices, she didn't find "anything else incriminating." Seeming a little lost, OP asked, "She was his first. Is it normal for guys to keep pics of their first? Should I believe him that he just used the pics as 'p0rn' since I didn't find anything else bad?"

Well, as expected, Redditors were none too supportive of the husband, even with that explanation. In fact, the top-voted comment called his response a "red flag" in itself. "he shouldn't be using an ex's pics for 'material' when he's married with kids if anything that's disrespectful to you and he went out of his way to hide them for such a long time," they wrote.

OP inadvertently triggered another "red flag" for Redditors when she talked about their relaxed stance on pornography in general. "We've always been open with watching porn, and he knows I read and listen to it too," she said. "He used to watch it on a regular internet browser, but since this incident he watches it on an incognito browser. So now I don't know what he watches or when."

"See... that's weird that now he watches on incognito," one commenter shot back immediately. "Like, why?"

One commenter defended the man's excuse, but there was still a problem here. "I personally think its very weird to keep nudes women send me especially for 15 years especially when i have a wife but if he says it's just porn to him i would believe him probably," they wrote. "I think what should be more upsetting is the lying & the hiding."

Another noted that no matter what he says, it's "wrong. I don’t give a f--k. He could find someone who is a spitting image of her but is not her to jack off to. Any of the thousands of porn models and actresses out there… but he chose his ex. This is f--king weird and frankly I would be hurt and ready to read him his rights too."

As a counter-argument, one Redditor commented, "I guarantee keeping images of the ex is absolutely more common than people realise," referring to this being a recurring topic on the forums. "The length of time he's kept them is probably a new one for me, but its not going to be uncommon in the future."

Others asked OP to consider how the ex might feel to learn what she'd just found out. "if this ex found out he was holding onto her pics and still jerking his gherkin to them, how might she feel?" they mused. "I'd be disgusted. If for anyone's sake, they should be deleted for her, because we don't know if she still consents to him using her pictures for such things."

"That's exactly what I thought too," commented another Redditor. "She is a human-being, not porn. And I think it's super odd to deliberately keep someone else's nude pictures after you broke up."

Still, others were nonplussed about the ex, with one aggressively commenting, "Literally why in the entire universe would she care. Why should literally anyone care about that. You jerk off to a pic of me. Ok. I'm gonna go on about my life now lmao. Don't know why I needed to know that." They went on to note that it happens with celebrities all the time. "Like bro. It's a picture. It's biology."

One Redditor noted that after 15 years, the ex's "body has suffered from the ravages of age as well." They further encouraged OP by telling her, "it's just her physical appearance, which should be only one small part of what makes him love you. Any imperfections you think you have in your appearance are made up for in spades by your personality, your caring, your love for him, etc."

OP appreciated the reply, commenting, "This was amazing to hear. Thank you!"

All of this, though, was before Redditors took things a bit further and dug into the woman's history on the forums. They found that at the same time she shared this story to the Advice forum, she also took her story to the Husband forum ... but with one major difference.

In that forum, she revealed their ages. Both OP and her husband are 32. If he's had the photos for 15+ years, as OP stated, than he was 17 at the oldest when he first received the pictures. Redditors then speculated that the ex was probably this age, or at least close to it ... and possibly a teen in the photos too.

Their shock and disapproval over this possibility -- which OP never confirmed -- bled into both forums, as a greater outcry against the husband piled up, with one commenter writing, "He is the grown man now. And I doubt the photo ages up."

Despite this controversy, another reader offered nuanced advice for the woman that didn't involve perhaps throwing away her marriage of 15+ years.

"A lot of people are upset for you at your husband. I think that's justified," the commenter wrote. "I also think that humans have flaws that come in SO many different forms. Could he have had an attachment to that woman and still loved you through every moment of your experience together? Hell yes he could have."

"Forget the opinions of random strangers on Reddit," they advised. "Communicate with him, and get advice from a professional both privately and together."

What do you think?