Khloe Kardashian Says Lamar Odom Meeting Made Her 'Sad': 'You'll Never Be This Person We All Idolized'

On Thursday's episode of The Kardashians, Khloé and her best friend Malika Haqq head to Santa Barbara to kick off Khloe's 40th celebrations.

By coincidence, they happen to visit a resort she once stayed at with Lamar Odom (and again with other men), San Ysidro Ranch.

"It was a dark time here. I'm sure they're like, 'That girl's here again?'" Khloé said to Malika.

"You're living your best life," Malika stressed as they toasted the beginning of Khloe's new decade.

Malika then wondered if Khloé still believes there is the perfect person out there for her.

"I mean you have to believe that there is a good person in the world, because you're a good person," Malika said.

"But he's not out on these streets," Khloé responded.

However, Malika emphasized that in order to find someone new, Khloé needs to leave the house more to meet men.

"I'm not on Hinge and I'm not on Raya, and I don't want to be," Khloé said after sharing that she is going to India with her sister Kim.

As they were talking, Malika suddenly got distracted by a bug in Khloé's hair which she proceeded to whack with a napkin.

"I actually like to be hit a little bit. I like a little aggression. Strangle me, spit on me, whatever it takes, Khloé responded, before quickly adding. "I'm just kidding."

To that, Malika countered, "You're not kidding."

Elsewhere in the episode, Khloé and Malika got a tour of the villa Khloé had previously stayed in.

"I've actually stayed here before, when I was married many moons ago," Khloé shared. "We definitely took advantage of the jacuzzi."

A producer then asked Khloé during her confessional if she had "processed" her meeting with Lamar and asked if she was "glad" it happened.

"I think I'm still processing what this meeting meant to me," Khloé began.

"Because our dad died so young, Lamar was like the first man that ever came in our lives that was like the head of the household. Lamar was everyone's protector. Everyone, even if someone was older, looked up to Lamar. So, I don't know," Khloé said as photos of her life with Lamar life flashed across the screen.

"But it made me sad because the demise of Lamar hurt and affected every single one of my family. We still love him and cherish him, but that man is not there. Seeing him at Malika's, I can't help you anymore. You'll never be this person we all idolized."

New episodes of The Kardashians drop Thursdays on Hulu.