Shonda Rhimes -- the creator and head writer for "Grey's Anatomy" -- took to her blog last night to defend the controversial season finale ... in which Meredith loses her child in a miscarriage.

Rhimes' defense for the seemingly heartless plot point? Meredith couldn't have realized how much she really loved Derek and wanted his children if she didn't lose her child first:
"You don't know how much you wanted something until you have lost it. You don't know your true feelings until a thing you have is gone for good. And that's what I wanted for Mer. I wanted her to realize just HOW BADLY she wanted a baby...And so I told this story."
Rhimes adds, "The scales have to be balanced ... [Mer] gets to keep her Derek but the very thing that makes it okay to keep him, that hideous stressful moment where she believes he's dead? That's the very thing that makes her lose the baby ... You don't get to have everything. There's always a price."
And if that's not enough for you ... Rhimes suggests you buy Season 6 on DVD, where you can find tons of footage that never made the cut.