Tori Spelling Opens Up About Dean McDermott's Cheating Scandal, Says She Feels Guilty For Putting Him on TV

In a new interview with Lena Dunham for her newsletter, Lenny Letter, the "True Tori" star says she initially saw their shows as a "form of acting," but all that changed when the news broke.

"The reality show was a form of acting. I was always watching the scene as it was filming. I was controlling it as best I could. I was being real, but I knew not to let it go to a certain place," she says of "Tori & Dean." "I knew Dean had a temper, and I didn't want that on camera, because that didn't serve us well. We were like America's sweetheart couple. Why would I do that? There were some things where I'd be like, 'You guys have to cut that out.' It seemed OK. It seemed like I was giving them enough that it was real, but I wasn't telling all the details that they'd be like, 'We're really disappointed in this relationship.'"

When his affair was revealed though, Spelling says the couple soldiered on with the brutally honest "True Tori" because she "felt backed into a corner."

"Like I didn't have a choice. Everything about me was stripped away with one magazine cover. That was it," she says. "I always say I can replay everything that happened during that time. The hardest part about it was, like, 'You're really going to put this on the cover of the magazine three days before Christmas? It's Christmas. It's family. I know we're in Hollywood, and I know we put a lot of ourselves out there, but really, we do this?'"

The "Beverly Hills, 90210" alum, who grew up in front of the cameras, admits that she chose to share the details of her rocky relationship to take control of the coverage.

"This wasn't going away. Everyone said, 'This happens all the time. Look at all the A-list celebrities. They used to complain about it. Then they go on and do a big movie, and it just goes away.' That's not my life," she explains. "That's not my relationship with my fans. I'm not the type that can just go from talking about everything and then it's like, 'No personal questions,' the next time I do something."

Spelling admits that it was her decision to move forward with the reality series, despite Dean's reservations.

"This was affecting me on many levels, not just the personal level. This is my career; this is, I hate saying it, my brand," she says. "All the lines blurred at that point. ... If he had been adamant that he didn't want to do it, I would not have done it. I would have respected that."

The actor agreed to tell-all, but it came at a cost.

"He was at that point where he just was at the lowest point. He was in rehab, and he was just like, 'I f---ed up. I'll do whatever I have to do to maintain our relationship,'" she explains.

Tori and Dean are in a much better place today, despite his bad reputation. "If he's gotten such a bad rap with the reality thing, I feel like I tied him into that world, and I feel guilty," Spelling says. "All of a sudden, he became Mr. Tori Spelling, and it makes me sad because I don't know what would have happened for him."

Now that the cameras have been turned off, Tori is focusing on protecting her kids -- Liam, 8, Stella, 7, Hattie, 4, Finn, 3 and stepson, Jack, 17 -- from the spotlight.

"I don't know the right thing. I'm learning as I'm going," she admits. "I have no filter, and I am like that at home. I have to watch myself. In our house, we talk about everything, really no holds barred. People are obsessed with me getting my breast implants removed because they're recalled and expired. [My daughter Stella overheard] and said, 'Huh, your boobs aren't real?' I was like, 'Oh my God.' It was like Santa Claus. I didn't know what to do."