"You know it's bad when even Fox News thinks it's a waste of money," Trevor Noah says on "The Daily Show."
Word has leaked out of the Capitol that President Donald Trump really wants a full-scale military parade, and that he's working with top officials at the Pentagon to make his dream a reality. But while Trump is excited about it, late-night comedians are a little concerned.
According to officials, Trump was inspired by the Bastille Day parade in France, but that's not the comparisons TV personalities and many more Americans are making. Instead, they're seeing images of military parades in the Soviet Union, China, North Korea and even WWII-era German.
Both Seth Meyers and James Corden saw the "dick" in what they perceive as our aspiring dictator, while Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah agreed that America doesn't need to throw a parade to show off its military might.
"Late Night with Seth Meyers"
Meyers decided that talking about it wasn't enough, so he spoke directly to the president. "So you're just going full dictator now?" he asked. "Just dick wasn't enough?"
The proposed route for the parade would take it down Pennsylvania Avenue and past Trump's D.C. hotel. "I had always hoped if the military was surrounding Trump hotel, there would be a general with a bullhorn saying, 'Come out, Mr. President, the game is up!' Meyers joked.
He did belay concerns about massive tanks on the streets of DC, though. "If you're worried a tank won't fit on Pennsylvania Avenue, don't worry. If it's anything like Trump's last parade, there will be plenty of room."
"The Late Show with Stephen Colbert"
It was disappointment for the CBS star as he pulled out his Dictator Bingo card. "I had rallies and attack the free press," he said. "I didn't have military parades."
He also echoed Meyers' sentiment about Trump's inauguration. He'd first floated the idea of a military parade then, but it never came together. "It's really a shame they didn't do the parade at the inaugural, because the soldiers could have filled all those empty stands," Colbert joked.
When taking note of France's Bastille Day celebration, Colbert noted, "He's like an exchange student who just got back from Europe and keeps calling gas 'petrol.'"
"The Late Late Show with James Corden"
"Nobody loves a parade more than a clown," Corden said at the top of his monologue, adding, "Parades like this are often thrown in countries ruled by dictators. Now, I wouldn't say Trump is a dictator. I'd leave off the -tator part."
He did have an easy solution for members of Congress and the military who are opposed to the parade because it's not a good use of funds. "They should just trick Trump and tell him they're having a military parade this year on Thanksgiving day in New York," Corden suggested. "'Sir, this is our state of the art Spongebomber.'"
"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah"
As the Comedy Central star pointed out, even conservative Fox News personality Steve Doocy said it would be a waste of money.
"You know it's bad when even Fox News thinks it's a waste of money," Noah said. "They're like, 'You can't spend that much on a parade. You need to save it for sexual harassment settlements.'" With this he put up pictures of Roger Ailes and Bill O'Reilly.
Noah suggested that Trump may well be an aspiring dictator. He has expressed admiration for the strong leadership of many current dictators, seeks to undermine the free press, and now he wants a military parade. And so to celebrate his ambitions, Noah presented The Oppressys, an awards show for dictators.
Trophies were given out in the categories of "Best Oppression of Political Opponents," "Best Performance by a Dictator in a Propaganda Video" and "Excellence in Deligitimizing the Media." Trump took home gold for that last one, as it is proving to be his most effective campaign so far.