'Jersey Shore' Tea-Shirt Time: Ronnie Nearly Strangles Mike, Pauly's Stalker Pays Him a Visit

At the very top of the episode, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino came for Ronnie Ortiz-Magro during an explosive fight that had been brewing for weeks.

While having dinner with Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Pauly D, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Vinny Guadagnino and Deena Cortese, Ronnie admitted to getting "crazy" when he parties but maintained he's never let it affect his life. He went on to say he was "blessed Sam didn't come" and that he was happy his roommates finally got to see the real Ronnie, and not someone defined by a toxic relationship. Ummmmm???

The group let Ronnie have his moment, but behind the scenes, they said what was really on their minds. "I think Ronnie is confused about where he is in life," Vinny said. "He's trying to convince himself he's happy, but when Ronnie gets drunk, he's talking different."

"Ron's scared of not having that perfect life, which is bulls--t," Pauly added. "This is the modern family now. You don't need to be married to have a child, you don't need to be with the baby mama to have a good relationship with her daughter. He's scared of all that."

"I also think Ron's scared of being alone as well because I've never seen him legitimately single," he continued. "I think that's where a lot of the issues stem from. He forces relationships to happen because he thinks he needs to be in one. He needs to get himself right because you can't jump into a relationship until you're fixed. He's not fixed from his relationship with Sammi."

But things during dinner went from passive to very aggressive when Jenni blurted out, "Mike, why did you say Ronnie needs rehab?"

"First of all," Ronnie immediately fired back, "I'm having a kid in like six weeks. When I drink, I like to f--king party. I didn't make it my life. You made it your life. You let it affect your whole life. You let it destroy your life. So don't sit there saying I need f--king rehab. Bro, look at you! You f--king got a tax evasion! You almost lost everything you f--king earned."

"Did you not call me two weeks before we came here and say you needed rehab?!" Mike shouted back. Ronnie said they spoke but corrected him by saying he asked for "help," not rehab.

"You put people's dirt out there," Ronnie said, beginning to lose his temper. "Your s--t is public! Your s--t is real news! That s--t is on the papers! That's why I talk about it. I don't bring your dirt in the house. I don't f--king sweep your name in the f--king mud. I just say what the facts are."

"You need help," Mike replied repeatedly.

"I don't have a problem, bro!" Ronnie fired back. "I help myself. You never help yourself. Lauren helps you now. I take care of Jen, I take care of my kid, and her f--king kid. Fact! End of the story. Bottom line. So don't ever f--king say I need help."

Ronnie called Mike out, saying he didn't think airing out a private conversation with him in front of everyone was what they taught him in rehab. Ronnie went outside to cool off, where he told Jenni he would have "literally beat his ass" if the conversation with Mike had carried on even "10 more seconds." Elsewhere, Deena lectured Mike about how he did Ronnie dirty, and he eventually saw the light. Mike then went outside and the two hugged it out.

The next day, Pauly scored a DJing gig at the group's favorite strip club, E11even. Everyone was fist pumping and in good spirits until Jenni spotted a familiar face standing behind Pauly. It was Vanessa -- the stage-5 stalker from their days in Seaside.

"What are you doing in Miami?" Pauly yelled into the mic.

"I'm here to see you," she replied creepily. Vanessa was also rocking a real Pauly D tattoo and an "I heart Pauly D" shirt she got at the Shore Store. Yikes.

Vanessa aside, the group had a great night. Snooki got wasted and fell in love with one of the strippers, and Jenni applauded her for not trying to steal the stripper's money (again). The next morning, Pauly let out one last "WAKE UP, YEAHHHHH" before the cabs arrived. He then let out one last "CAB'S A' HEAAAAA."

"We closed one book long ago -- five years ago -- but now we're opening up a whole new book of old-ass guidos on a wild-ass adventure," Jenni concluded the episode. "Stay tuned, motherf--kers, because we're not done."

MTV already confirmed the gang will be back for a second season, which was filming this month in Las Vegas.