Allison Holker Speaks Out in First Interview After Husband Stephen 'TWitch' Boss' Death

Boss -- who first broke out on "So You Think You Can Dance" before becoming Ellen DeGeneres' DJ on her daily talk show -- passed away at the age of 40 on December 13, 2022.

In an interview with People, Holker detailed how she's keeping her late husband's memory alive, and spoke about finding "a new purpose" following Boss' death.

"No one had any inkling that he was low. He didn't want people to know. He just wanted to be everyone's Superman and protector," the professional dancer said.

Holker -- who shared daughters Weslie, 14, and Zaia, 3, and son Maddox, 7, with Boss -- said that it's been difficult to understand how she and Boss had such a "beautiful" life while he was secretly struggling alone.

"It's been really hard because I can't understand what was happening in that moment [he died]," she explained, adding that she's been dealing with a "complex" range of emotions in the months following her late husband's death.

As she continues to mourn, the "Dancing with the Stars" alum said that she's focused on keeping Boss' memory alive, and honoring him through the Move with Kindness Foundation, which "aims to carry on" his legacy and "spreading love and mental health awareness," per the organization's website.

"Stephen brought so much joy to this world, and he deserves to be remembered as the beautiful man he was," she told People.

"We always hear, 'Reach out to the strongest people,' and I believe in that. But I also want the messaging to be that if you're feeling low or depressed, it's okay to lean on someone else," Holker said of Move with Kindess Foundation. "Trust that people are still going to see you as that light even in your darkest moments."

Holker and Boss married in 2013, before the latter adopted Holker's daughter Weslie. The two went on to welcome Maddix and Zaia. Boss and Holker celebrated their 9-year wedding anniversary just a few days before the former's passing.

During her interview with People, Holker said that following her husband's death, she was "really confused" about what her "new purpose was going to be."

"Then I actually spoke to my friend, Andy Grammer, and I expressed to him, 'How am I going to still live out what I know is my purpose -- love and joy -- and has always been my family's purpose?'" she shared. "He said, 'Allison, it's still your purpose. It just looks a bit different now — and it's a little more depth-filled.' I'll never forget that conversation because I feel like I knew it inside of me, but hearing it from a friend that I still have that purpose is helping me move forward as well."

The mom of three went on to reveal how people have reacted to Boss' passing.

"I've had so many people -- specifically men -- reaching out to me, [saying] how they were so affected because they didn't realize how much they were holding on to and not expressing," she told People. "I found that to be a lot to hold on to at first, but then I realized I want people to feel safe talking to me and to open up and understand that we have to support each other in these moments."

"I could allow myself to go to a really dark place right now, and that would be valid and fine," she explained. "But I want to choose a different way for myself and the kids."

Meanwhile, Holker shared that the heartbreaking news of Boss' death initially impacted her physically.

"You're trying to help yourself and help your children and friends and family, and it took a toll. Literally getting up in the morning was getting harder and harder," she recalled, adding that she started cold-plunging at night, which she said has "really helped" her and she still practices it daily.

When it comes to her kids, Holker said they are "coping together."

"I'm trying to teach them -- and myself -- that if you're angry or sad, it doesn't mean you're a bad person," she shared. "We're coping together, and that requires trust and being really vulnerable."

As for their home, Holker said she hasn't touched her late husband's belongings.

"He was such a family man, and there's so much of his love in this house," she explained, sharing earlier that their "love was so real and so loud," and they "always told people our house was like a choreographed dance."

She also recalled how she looked to the stars one evening in February when she was having a particularly rough day as she grappled with the loss of her husband.

"Stars are so important to me because that's where we believe he is. I knew I wanted to have him find peace," Holker told People. "I was under the stars by myself and I told him, 'I forgive you, and I hope you're with us.' Talking to him and expressing all those emotions of forgiveness and sadness but also love and joy was so healing."

Holker -- who first met Boss on "So You Think You Can Dance" in 2012 -- revealed she hasn't been able to get herself to dance yet.

"I haven't danced yet. That's gonna be a big step for me," she shared, "but I know that I'll get there. He's guiding me on this path."

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or has had thoughts of harming themselves or taking their own life, get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress.