Parentified 17-Year-Old Plans Escape from Family with 11 Kids, Mom & Dad Furious He Won't Continue to Support Them

A Redditor, who posted to an anonymous forum, shared a truly gripping story involving a family about to expect their 11th child and the eldest of their brood, a 17-year-old boy, looking to finally become free once he reaches the legal age of an adult.

Commenters on the post seemed to be truly moved by the tale, sharing both practical advice and thoughtful insights into both abuse and the damaging affects of "parentification."

Read on to see how the whole thing played out.

"My parents have a large family. I'm (17M) the oldest of 10 and soon to be 11," the OP (original poster) began. "I will be moving out of my parents and in with one of my friends in April, when I turn 18 and then sometime in the summer we will be moving in together along with another friend. My friends parents who agreed to let me move in are happy for us to stay until we find a place that works for us. I say all this now so you'll get where my head is at."

Then came more details about life at home and hints at his parents' ideology.

"Anyway, my parents never should have had so many of us," the teen wrote. "They struggled when I was younger and there were less of us. But they believe in having a lot of kids, they believe in bigger families being better and dismiss the idea of needing to be financially capable of having all these kids."

He went on to share: "This has placed a lot on my shoulders from an early age. When I was younger and we had some contact with extended family my parents would 'borrow' birthday and Christmas money for the household and never paid [it] back. They would encourage me to try and do work around the neighborhood to earn extra cash. I did. It always went to them. I was also placed in charge of my siblings at times. My siblings had none of the expectations put on their shoulders and it led to this weird hybrid issue of them being spoiled but also being aware we don't really have enough and expecting me to sacrifice for them but also saying I'm the better parent of the three."

OP went on to recount how he attempted to clarify the situation to his younger siblings but that "explaining I am their brother and not their dad has not helped at all. They don't want to do a thing for themselves. It's not a great dynamic."

"Once I was 12 I was working solidly, firstly doing chores around the neighborhood and then babysitting and then I got an actual, official part time job. All the money I earn goes to the household and it just about helps but not really. I have said no sometimes and my parents make a huge fuss out of it," the boy went on to recall.

"I do not have contact with extended family anymore and when I did try to reach out for help last year I was told nobody wanted to deal with the mess my parents made," he explained.

"When my parents told me baby #11 was due in May I freaked the f--k out. I cannot believe they keep going and yet I can. But it was then I decided that I need to just make it through to 18. I do not want to make too much of a fuss because my dad has connections to the local police and if I left before I turn 18, I think he would call friends in."

"But my parents have been talking like I will stay at home for several more years and they can rely on me working full time and helping with the kids," he wrote, concluding his post. "So I sat them down and told them they need to figure their sh-t out because they can't rely on me forever. I told them they were irresponsible and reckless having so many of us. I told them they had been failing as parents and needed to do better. They were pissed at me but I'm sort of used to that. They're always pissed that I use the name Jamie instead of my legal name James. Jamie is too gay for them. But I did say more than I intended to and I wonder if I went overboard."

As you might imagine, the response on Reddit was one of compassion and concern.

The most popular piece of advice on the post went as follows: "Hear me out, you need to change tactics. Your dad's connections put you in danger. Shut up, and QUIETLY plan your exit. You're what's called a 'parentified child'. It's not okay, how they've treated you. You need to be ready to never speak to them again. As soon as it's SAFE for you, as in you've made a PLAN and you've set everything up for yourself IN SECRET, just GTFO and mean it. You'll never get them to act different, but you can have a very different life. But seriously shut up about it, because again, do not underestimate the danger you are in."

While others advised the boy to get his own bank account and "put a lock on your social security number" amid fears his parents "could use your info to take out loans in your name without you even knowing".

Another commenter offered lengthy and detailed advice on next steps.

The concerned reader gave the following advice:

"Listen to the people giving you advice here.

"Look also at some of the websites that offer suggestions for an abused spouse. Many of those tactics are things that you can do to protect yourself. Things like starting now to smuggle your clothes and things out of the house when you get a chance.

"Act like you have accepted your fate and are going to stay and do what they want. Maybe make noises about going to the community college so you can work toward a better job. Then when you are 18 (and not even a DAY before) just disappear.

"Most importantly, contact the three credit bureaus and have your credit locked down so they can't take out loans in your name (if they haven't already done it).

"Consider changing your mailing address to that of someone you trust now. If you can't get your SS card and birth certificate, you can get replacements, but you need to have them sent there rather than to your home. Plan for that now.

"Get your own phone with a number you control and begin transferring your contacts and things to it. Same for an email address. Believe it or not, the most important thing you can do is control YOUR information. Do your best to get all your contacts and information transferred to it, because when you bail you should leave your old phone behind so they cannot track you.

"You mentioned the gay thing - whether you are gay or not, look for a gay youth resources somewhere near you. They often have experience in these things (i.e. young person having to escape from their family for their own safety) and may have resources. They will not care where you are on the sexual spectrum (as long as you are not actually homophobic).

"DO NOT trust any pastor/counselor/person associated with your parents. You don't know what line your folks have fed to them and they may disclose your plans to your parents. DO talk to a friend's parent or trusted adult that doesn't have connections to your folks, explain everything to them and ask them to note the date and what you've told them. This creates a record that you aren't 'reacting' to some event when your folks and you have an argument of some type.

"FINALLY -- do not look back. It's unfortunate that your siblings may go into Social Services or foster care. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. That is all going to implode eventually no matter what, and you are neither responsible for it, nor can you stop it."

The Redditor went on to add: "Do not disclose your plans or any details to any of your siblings. Once you are gone, your folks will focus on them to get info. Don't risk that they might cave and disclose."

They then added why they knew so much on the topic: "Also - just so you know I'm not blowing smoke - retired attorney here. Family Law wasn't my specialty, but I did enough to offer the advice above and believe it is solid. It's what I would give if you were [you] in my office asking for help. Good luck."

What do you think?