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After years of his wife trying (and failing) to become a famous Instagram "mom-fluencer" in a household with two small children, this dad finally had enough.
A man has taken to the internet for advice after an argument with his wife went sideways.
The fed-up father-of-two shared his story, to an anonymous Reddit forum, and soon found his post achieve the kind of social media attention his spouse had apparently been chasing for years.
The tale featured side-hustle mania, influencer culture, and rather typical domestic drama in the age of social media -- all of which seemed to make the whole thing incredibly resonant with the Reddit community.
Read on to see how the story played out.
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To kick things off the original poster (a.k.a. "OP") gave some basic information on himself and his nuclear family.
"I'm 39 and male. My wife is 36. We have two sons, 5 and 3," he began.
"Two years ago, my wife approached me one day and told me that she was interested in making some money off of Instagram. I thought it was a fine idea, as she was home during the day and couldn’t work because our younger son was still too small. We’re fortunate that I make enough money to support our lifestyle comfortably, and I encouraged her to go for it," OP wrote, giving the background.
He then went on to describe the various "mom-fluencer" ventures she embarked upon.
"Unfortunately in the past two years as a hopeful Instagram influencer, she has not made a single cent. Her earlier attempts at gaining followers were for post-partum fitness, and since she knows nothing about fitness, that went nowhere. She tried to make exercise guides where she would do these bizarre mobility movements, and these would only get a few views. She moved on to doing makeup tutorials, which similarly fell flat, likely because there are a billion such channels out there. Then she jumped onto this slice of life train, where she would make videos talking about her day, but to be frank they all were pretty boring, and she failed to attract any attention."
OP attempted to make clear to his readers that he was supportive of her efforts before launching into his litany of resentments.
Her earlier attempts at gaining followers were for post-partum fitness, and since she knows nothing about fitness, that went nowhere ...Then she jumped onto this slice of life train, where she would make videos talking about her day, but to be frank they all were pretty boring.
"The issue isn’t that she's trying. The issue is that she spends the overwhelming majority of her waking hours on Instagram and skirts her household responsibilities. I wake up at 5am, go for a run, come home, make breakfast for everyone, then make lunch for our older child and myself, and take him to kindergarten," he explained of his household contributions. "I go to work until about 5pm, get home around 5:30, make dinner for everyone, wash most of the dishes, tidy up a bit, bathe our sons, play with them, and go to bed."
He then described what he believed was an accurate depiction of his wife's daily routine -- which prompted more than one Redditor to question if this rundown was truly comprehensive, with one putting it bluntly: "who is watching the children during the day?"
"She wakes up at 7:45, usually later because she was up late on Instagram, lies down on the sofa as I do everything, and while I’m at work she works on her Instagram more. Any attempt to get her to do something is met with complaining," OP wrote.
Then came the breaking point.
"The other day I finally got fed up with her because I walked in the door to a complete disaster zone of things strewn everywhere, the laundry not done, and a sink full of dirty dishes. I asked what she had done all day, to which she responded she was 'busy.' I snapped at her and told her that her Instagram is going nowhere and that I’ve put up with it for two years longer than I should have, and that she would be infinitely more useful cooking and cleaning."
"She got this horrified look on her face and walked away. She went into the bedroom (naturally looking at her phone) and left me to deal with everything that night."
He then ended the post asking if he was the AITA (am I the a--hole) "for how I reacted to her?"
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Overwhelmingly, the dad's insanely popular post got support from fellow Redditors -- while a few slapped him on the wrist for the way in which he spoke to his wife.
One comment, which got over 14K upvotes, observed: "There's a reason that these things are usually side hustles until they go big. It's hard to make it. Having no job, bringing in no income and contributing nothing to the household is not a realistic way to be a good partner. Could you have worded it better or been more tactful? Sure, but I get how you would just kind of snap in the moment."
While another comment took a much more empathetic and well-rounded view of the whole thing: "I think your reaction is a normal breaking point. She tried. You should be encouraging around that. She even pivoted. It’s not that you don’t believe in her. But, it hasn’t worked even a little bit. The children are still so young and she’s missing out on time connecting with them and with you. It’s not healthy."
Sometimes this happens because as moms we are in sensory overload during those early years and it’s so easy to escape or soothe with dopamine from the phone.
The Redditor went on to explain: "Her continuing this, is at the detriment of your families rhythm and routines and not what you imagined family life would look like. Ask if it’s what she pictured either? What does she picture an average day to look like?"
"I feel now that she’s so detached and staying up late, it all feels like she has an addiction to her phone and social media. Which is why social media is so nefarious, it’s changed her priorities which started out so innocent (to be creative and bring in extra money) to where her family is a burden. It’s turned her brain to mush," they continued.
"Sometimes this happens because as moms we are in sensory overload during those early years and it’s so easy to escape or soothe with dopamine from the phone."
"I’d approach it like an addiction, that it’s not about being supportive of dreams or pigeonholing her into a SAHM role, but rather that she isn’t balancing her 'career' and neglecting connecting with her family and pulling her weight with household responsibilities," they further advised. "I would say that it’s to the point to draw a hard line. A year of getting off social media and just focusing on the family and your marriage. That no adult phones can be out around your children (and you both will step into another room if you need to look up a recipe or take a call), and both phones get put in a drawer at dinner time and at bedtime. Breakdown the household tasks again, commit to reading books together (Fair Play Method), and if necessary there are digital detox getaways."
They then concluded: "Be ready to support new growth, such as gym membership, share skill classes, hiking moms groups. Just…not MLM or coaching schemes. But, she does need an identity outside motherhood."
Others felt he needed to apologize for how he spoke to his wife before attempting to make any changes, with one Redditor commenting: "You [are the a--hole] for your delivery. The tone and way we communicate matters. If you want to save this relationship, you should have a conversation where you apologize for your reaction but then highlight the difference in household labor responsibilities. You each need to have clear roles and responsibilities that feel fair to both sides. Otherwise, resentment builds and...this happens."
What do you think?
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