Man Conflicted After Finding 'Affectionate' Letters to Girlfriend from Infamous Murderer in Prison

Turning to Reddit's Relationship Advice forum, the anonymous man said he immediately recognized who was writing his girlfriend -- noting the prisoner had admitted his murders -- and ever since, he's not been comfortable around her.

At the same time, he doesn't necessarily want to throw the relationship away, so what he wants to know is, "How do we work through this?"

Read on to find out what he discovered and how it's impacted everything.

OP ("Original Poster") started off by sharing that he (29M) and his girlfriend (28F) had been dating for a little over a year. "we’ve gotten really serious over the last 6 months or so, to the point that we’ve been looking into apartments and even picked out a couple of options," he wrote. He then added he'd even "started casually looking at rings."

"Honestly, I feel like she is the one for me. She’s smart, beautiful, funny, loved by nearly everyone she meets, and just overall the best person I’ve ever met, let alone dated," he shared.

Things took a turn, though, when he stayed at her place while sick and stumbled across a shoebox he'd never seen before. Inside were envelopes sent to his girlfriend from a prison in another state. He said she'd been so transparent about her life, he found it "so odd" that he knew nothing of this.

He also noted the letters were dated from prior to their relationship, while "the most recent was from about 3 months ago." With only half of the story, as whatever she may have sent was not present, OP described the letters he did look at as "very... affectionate? For lack of a better term. Like something long-distance lovers would write to each other."

While he's not as into true crime documentaries and podcasts as his girlfriend, OP nevertheless "recognized this guy’s name pretty quickly." Without naming names, he wrote, "his case was huge and fairly recent, like within the last 5 years, and he very brutally killed his pregnant wife and 2 kids. He even confessed, for f---’s sake."

Because of this, the fact his girlfriend "talks to him this way is really f---ing with my head." He said he read 3 or 4 of the letters and "they literally made me sick." But then, he put it all back the way he'd found it and left his girlfriend's home, never saying a word about it.

Nevertheless, it is impacting their day-to-day now, with OP saying that he's been missing spending time with her, but also finds himself making "excuses as to why I’ve been too busy to spend much time with her."

"In all honesty, I really want to talk to her about this, but I’m afraid she’ll lie or… idk I’m even more afraid I guess that she’ll just tell me the truth and expect me to be okay with it??" he admitted.

He said that he doesn't want to end their relationship over it, but doesn't know what to do. "I genuinely see a future with this woman, I love her with all my heart," he wrote. "But how do I move past this? Is there a part of it I’m not considering?"

He then pre-empted people who might say "just talk to her," by admitting, "I know that’s logically the best plan, but at the same time, what if she confesses to being in love with a sick f---ing murderer? This dude killed his entire family in cold blood, how could she even entertain the idea of writing to him, let alone THOSE kinds of letters? Maybe it’s just a morbid curiosity on her part? And if I do just talk to her about it, what do I say? How do I even approach the subject?"

He then got ahead of any cheating comments, by emphasizing he doesn't think she has or would. "Idk if I even consider this cheating since it’s just letters and they’ll never realistically meet face to face," he added. "But just the idea that she would want to correspond with this guy is sickening to me."

He asked, "How do I talk to her about this and how do I work past my own discomfort with the entire situation?"

As he'd already made clear in his post, OP wasn't interested in ending the relationship, which is why when one commenter wrote, "Dump her. Simple," he responded, "Shouldn’t I at least tell her what I found and how it makes me feel and give her a chance to explain herself?"

"She was/is having an emotional affair with this person and she, like many other wacko that glorify killers, is fantasizing about him while seeing you," the commenter speculated, further saying she would lie "to ease your worries."

That got into his head, because OP then admitted, "hate the idea that she’d lie to me about it, but after finding out she’s been keeping it from me entirely, I guess maybe it’s possible she’s a better liar than I ever thought possible.

It was then suggested that maybe OP could approach the topic obliquely. "Ask her if she has any hobbies or interests you don't know about, because you'd like to share an interest. Or if she has ever known anyone that was famous or infamous," one commenter suggested. "See what she says. If she doesn't bring up the pen pal, you have your answer."

In the comments, OP questioned whether this really would count as "emotional cheating," sharing, "I've done some research and I guess this guy gets letters from tons of female 'admirers.'"

"Unfortunately there are some sick individuals who become attracted to murderers. It sounds like your GF is one of these 'groupies,'" wrote one Redditor, encouraging him to end things. "Minus the whole murderer thing, she is essentially emotionally cheating on you with this guy."

They then encouraged him to come clean about what he'd found and confront her, suggesting he tell her, "I find it deeply disturbing that you are essentially writing love letters to a convicted and confessed murderer." The commenter added, "I know it’s easy for people on here to be like 'block her and never talk to her again,' but it sounds like you need to know why to get proper closure. Just be prepared, the reason why will probably not make you feel better."

It did seem as if OP was scared to actually have that conversation with his girlfriend, admitting in one comment, "Idk if I can really look at her the same again unless she has some really really valid reason for the correspondence."

One commenter noted, "Let's say her letters are 100% innocent. That leaves you with a gf that keeps writing to a murderer that talks to her in a very inappropriate way. She's not shutting that down." OP wondered, though, if it would be considered a true friendship, or "just writing as some kind of weird hobby??"

Of course, many in the comments section were also trying to guess who the convicted murderer is, with OP saying he wasn't saying the name as he doesn't want to risk his post getting locked, "but I think I gave enough details that you can figure it out," including an additional one in the comments that he's "a whole decade older than her."

"Is your girlfriend writing letters to Chris Watts?" asked one Redditor, with many agreeing. Another agreed: "I’m putting money on Chris Watts. Seeking out and speaking to a man for multiple years who killed his family and dumped them like trash is f---ing sick."

"I have an interest in true crime but I have absolutely ZERO interest in speaking to any of the criminals," they added, "especially one who can look at a little child and choose to end their life. There is something mentally wrong with this girl."

"As everyone else is, I’m guessing this is Chris Watts," commented another. "Im a woman that loves true crime also and was pretty invested in this case when it was going on. Never in a BAJILLION years would I think of writing to him."

One person told OP to be careful of Reddit advice as it's often teens and people who believe "you should immediately walk away from any issue." They told him that he had just a few options: avoid and leave or talk about it and see what happens. They also encouraged OP to act sooner than later, as "overthinking is really bad!"

Finally, OP conceded, "Yeah I think maybe just biting the bullet and trying to talk to her about it is the only real option. I don’t think I have it in me to just dump her and move on without giving her a reason or at least hearing her out."

What do you think?