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"I was screaming and crying and Nick ran into the bathroom and you just think, 'How are you supposed to stand up and flush this baby down the toilet?'" said Natalie, as the pair recall the moment she miscarried in a raw and emotional podcast.
Warning: This article includes detailed descriptions of miscarriage.
Nick Viall and Natalie Joy's podcast took a very serious and emotional turn on Wednesday, as the pair opened up about their miscarriage experience with their second child.
"I miscarried our second child and it was extremely hard. It's still extremely hard. This is not easy to talk about, I don't know the right way to talk about it," Joy said at the top of this week's Viall Files, before the married pair got into a very in-depth conversation about the events leading up to, during, and after the heartbreaking experience.
With Joy, 26, getting choked up right from the start, she said she wouldn't be apologizing for crying, "because it is so sad and I'm still feeling everything." She added, "Currently, as I sit here today, I'm actively miscarrying our second child, and it has been the biggest heartbreak, I think, of my life."
"I've never experienced something where I feel so empty inside," she shared, saying that while her friends and family members have had miscarriages in the past, "you don't really know the loss that they feel until you go through it yourself."
The two shared that they were being so open about the experience so others going through the same situation wouldn't feel so alone and "feel seen."
Joy also said that while her "body feels so empty," she doesn't want to "forget this baby" and for "this baby to have just been a blip in our lives." She hoped that their other daughter, 11-month-old River, would be able to watch the podcast someday and "see her parents' love for her sibling that could have been here."
"I just feel dead inside. And it sucks because I have to be so alive for River. You know? I have to be silly and goofy and funny and play with her," Joy continued. "I'm sad that the only version of me you get right now is this broken person, and I'm sorry for that."
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View StoryThe pair then detailed the moment she miscarried, after "spot bleeding for a while" beforehand.
"I think I knew from the jump, but I didn't wanna accept that," said Joy. "And then it just got heavier and heavier. I'm just so thankful that we were home and not traveling and not in a hotel or on an airplane, but we got home and I went to go pee and it was like I gave birth."
"I was screaming and crying and Nick ran into the bathroom and you just think, 'How are you supposed to stand up and flush this baby down the toilet? Like how do you do that?'" she shared, before Nick said the two took a shower before Natalie left the room.
"I stuck my hand in the toilet ... all you could see was blood ... thankfully, and I was a bit surprised, I was able to retrieve the baby and everything that came with it," said Viall, who added the two were "able to set it aside so that we could mourn the loss and we want to bury our baby in a place that we can always connect with."
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View StoryJoy went on to say the experience is "something I wouldn't wish upon anyone," adding that she was "so mad at my body for letting it go." She also said the situation left her wondering, "I just had a successful, non-complicated pregnancy and birth, and I'm 26 years old. And like, why? Why me? Why did this happen to me?"
She is, however, grateful to her doctor for giving her some insight that has helped her cope.
"Our doctor was able to say it was unviable, it wasn't going to live outside of your body. It gives you some hope ... if you focus on the scientific part, I think that’s what gets you through it," said Joy. "Which is incredibly hard to do, because as the mom, you feel everything. From the second that it was a positive pregnancy test, I felt that baby inside of me. Up until I lost it, it's so real."
Watch the full conversation above.
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