In her new memoir, "Pretty Mess," Erika Jayne reveals what it's like to relive some of the more uncomfortable "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" moments once episodes air months after filming them.
"That first season, Lisa Rinna told me, 'It's one thing to film the show. It's another thing to watch the show,'" she explained in the tell-all. "Now all of a sudden, I'm going to watch myself on playback. I'm going to think, Wait a minute. Hold on. That's not what I meant. Sometimes the shit that made perfect sense in your brain at the time does not translate on television. You knew you were right in that scene, but then you just come off all wrong. You know people are going to have a reaction to that."
With filming of this season's reunion going down right now and a few blowout moments under her belt going into it, Jayne told TooFab she's got nothing to worry about.
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View Story"I fear nothing at that reunion," she explained. "What difference does it make? It is what it is at this point."
"I am who I am and I know what I am and I know the truth," she added, when asked how she felt she came across this season. "No matter how it's spun or used or written about or protested, I know the truth. I'm very firm in my beliefs."
Working on her book meant Erika also had to relive a lot of moments from her past outside of reality television, something which came with a few surprises of its own.
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View Story"It's interesting, in talking to my mother about my childhood and I speak a lot in the book about my mom being married to my father and then my stepfather married and divorced, married and divorced and putting that timeline together, as a child, I remembered it one way," she told TooFab. "And then with my mother, now that I'm an adult and I look back on it, it was interesting to have her clear up some things I had completely forgotten and other things I had out of order."
The book itself is one of many "pivots" Jayne has made in her life, another topic she talks about at length in the memoir. Whether it's writing, performing or doing reality TV, Erika's not letting herself get comfortable just yet.
"You always have to look at the next chapter," she said. "Let's take the book, for example, I would have never thought I'd do a book and here we are ... there's a lot of pivoting going on and it's all good stuff!"