"Anybody that goes against me -- do you see them in this room anymore?!" OG Teresa fires at newcomer Jackie.
We hope you're sitting down for this! Part 1 of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" reunion was absolutely bananas.
There was a lot of shouting from all sides, so we'll do our best to keep this post as comprehensive as possible. Here's the gist of it before we get into the nitty-gritty: Teresa Giudice, Dolores Catania and Jennifer Aydin sat to Andy Cohen's left, while Margaret Josephs, Melissa Gorga and Jackie Goldschneider sat to his right. Had the arrangement been any different, this would've been an obituary instead of a recap.
The topic of Oklahoma came up almost immediately, and Jennifer managed to insult the entire state all over again. When Andy asked the newcomers if their experiences had met their expectations, Jennifer said, "I never had a group of girlfriends asking me to go away since I've been married. Like, hell to the yes! I mean, I wasn't proud that it was Oklahoma. I would've liked to go somewhere else. Maybe Vegas or something."
"Sorry! I'm just saying everything that I envisioned Oklahoma to be was the case," she continued. "I went there, and I had to play Russian roulette in picking a room. I didn't leave my family and my kids just to come here and sleep in a trailer, where it takes 45 minutes for the cops to come find me in the woods. No, thanks! Like, that's not normal to me."
Margaret was offended but not surprised by the comments. Jennifer also said her "16 bathrooms" shtick was something other people got "fixated on," so Andy and the ladies had to let her know that wasn't the case at all.
Andy then asked Melissa how she felt about Dolores calling her "little miss perfect."
"I've learned to not sweat the small stuff in life," Melissa replied. "I know she thinks that, and she tells me to my face in different ways."
Andy asked Dolores point blank if she likes Melissa, and after an awkward pause, Dolores unconvincingly said, "I do. I do. Mhm." But that wasn't enough for Andy, who urged, "Just admit it. You hate her."
"No, I don't hate Melissa," Dolores maintained, again unconvincingly. "I like to bust her balls. I like to say things. I can't help it. I'm not gonna stop. I'm not gonna stop."
Later, Jennifer and Margaret revisited the "monkey's asshole" dinner that took over the ladies' Cabo trip, as well as Margaret's infidelity accusations and Jennifer's homewrecking comments.
Jennifer told Andy she felt Margaret was a bit too "shameless" about telling the whole world she had cheated on her first husband, but Margaret maintained it was simply "the truth."
"Why didn't you get divorced first and then pursue your courtship?" Jennifer asked.
"Because that's just not the way it happened," Margaret replied.
"How long were you together before you decided to leave your husband?" Jennifer inquired.
After dancing around giving a concrete answer, Margaret finally admitted their affair had gone on for a year-and-a-half before she finally told her now-ex. Jennifer's eyes nearly came out of her head -- as did Dolores'.
Margaret also said she felt arranged marriages were "antiquated," which sparked that whole conversation again. What viewers didn't see during the season was the moment Jennifer told the ladies, "My mom always told my brother, 'If you wanna f--k around, you f--k around with an American girl. When it comes time for marriage, you marry a Turkish girl." At the time, Dolores was insanely offended. At the reunion, she was still just as peeved.
When Andy asked Jennifer if she insinuated that Marge Sr. was an adulterer to get back at Margaret for her "mail-order bride" joke, she copped to it immediately.
"It was a joke," Margaret maintained, adding that mothers should be left out of the fray.
"I'm not gonna feel pity for a woman who was a homewrecker!" Jennifer shouted.
Teresa spent the entire reunion scoffing. She was still fuming over what Jackie said to her during the season: "Do you think your husband would be in jail right now if you could control what he did?" Dolores, being Teresa's ever-faithful friend, stood strong by Teresa's side, while Jackie stood by Melissa's.
As Jackie told Andy all about her years practicing law and making the shift to journalism, Teresa rolled her eyes and muttered, "She likes to write about other people when she goes into their homes." It was a clear reference to the article Jackie had written about Jennifer's "spoiled" kids.
"You wanna be me," Teresa fired at Jackie. "That's why you've been following me for 10 years!" Teresa told Andy that Jackie used to go to her book signings in the early days of "RHONJ" and that she had a picture to prove it. Of course, she whipped out her phone to show everyone the photo. Jackie said she had been a fan of the show and happened to be at the mall with two of her kids the day Teresa was doing a book signing, so she stopped by. Teresa said she felt Jackie was a "stalker" with an "agenda."
A shouting match ensued, with Jackie assuring Teresa she would not be "winning a war of words" with her. Teresa fired back, "Anybody that goes against me -- do you see them in this room anymore?!"
Jackie then pulled a Kelly Bensimon and told Teresa she was "down here" while Jackie was "up here." She also suggested Teresa "learn to read" so that she could find out what Jackie's "blogs" are all about. Jackie then made fun of Teresa's "best-selling book" that she's convinced was written by a ghost writer.
The war of words took a turn when Melissa entered the fray to defend her friend, leaving her vulnerable to her fiery sister-in-law.
More on that drama next week, but we have to tell you about all the cosmetic surgery procedures the girls copped to: Margaret got a face lift, Dolores admitted to getting a face lift and fat transfer to her butt, and Jackie said she got a tummy tuck after giving birth to her two sets of twins.
"The Real Housewives of New Jersey" airs Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
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