Lala Breaks Up with Randall on 'Vanderpump Rules': 'There's a Lot of D--k Out There for Me to Suck to Get on a PJ'

Monday's "Vanderpump Rules" had us all kinds of emotional as Lala Kent revealed to Katie Maloney and Brittany Cartwright that she and movie producer boyfriend Randall Emmett had broken up.

Yes, you read that correctly. Katie and Brittany were just as shocked as we were. But let's back up for a sec.

So the girls had just taken one of Randall's private jets to Solvang for some wine tasting and bonding. They were there for a few days, and Lala did not drink even once. She told the girls she had decided to take a break from alcohol after spiraling one too many times following the death of her father. She said Randall had agreed to take a break as well.

It was hard for Lala to stay sober. She even confided in Stassi Schroeder while on the trip that she wasn't feeling like herself and that she was unsure of a lot of things. But Stassi didn't think too much of it, and neither did we.

Fast-forward to a barbecue the group attended the weekend after they got back into town. Lala seemed a bit down, then told the girls she was up for having "a little vino." They were all a bit confused, but she poured herself a glass anyway and asked Katie and Brittany if they could accompany her inside the house to chat privately.

"I got home, and I just feel like Rand and I are not the same," she explained. "I basically gave up alcohol for him because the way I was acting was not okay. And then I come home to what he's doing, and it's like, f--k that. Especially when I'm up in Solvang with the wine, and I'm not drinking any of it for you, and this is what you're doing? Are you f--king kidding me? He claims that it's because I've been very, very, very unloving and harsh the past week."

She told Bravo cams, "I came home from Solvang and saw Randall had partied to the point where he doesn't even know his own name. You're slurring your f--king words? That doesn't work for Lala. I feel betrayed because we made a pact. This is a hard time for me, and I need my partner, I need my soulmate and I need someone to back me up."

Lala began to cry, so the girls leaned in to comfort her as best they could. "I decided to take a break from him," she finally revealed in between sobs. Our mouths were on the floor.

"There's just a lot going on. I'm f--ked up right now. I don't think I can be with Rand," she said.

Lala's tone went from sad to angry as she added, "He kept my Gucci slides. Like, took them from me and was like, 'I want you to remember.' You want my f--king Gucci slides? Take them. Take them! Don't f--king play me. And obviously, with my financial situation, I know I can afford my rent, which he was paying, but I can afford it on my own. I can afford a car on my own."

"The only thing that will be different is it's not going to be like, 'Oh, we're gonna be traveling on a private jet to f--king Mykonos.' Guess what, honey? There's a lot of dick out there for me to suck to get on a PJ. I'm just letting you know. Like, no matter what, I can still live that life. You just need to have a mouth, baby. It doesn't matter what you look like."

Obviously, we know this "break" didn't last long; by the end of the summer, Lala had a ring on her finger -- but wow, we did not see this one coming.

"Vanderpump Rules" airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.

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