Sister Wives: Kody Brown's 'Guilt' Over Not Being More Involved with Kids Amid Divorces, Garrison's Death

On Sunday's all-new Sister Wives, the Brown family patriarch took some time to be examine some of his relationships as he celebrated his birthday in January -- particularly where his 18 kids are concerned.

While Kody admitted that he had a good relationship with his wife Robyn Brown, that wasn’t the case with the rest of his family members.

"It's my 55th birthday today, and I've had an interesting life," Kody began. "I remember five years ago and thinking, 'OK, I'm halfway through. What do I want to do for the rest of my life? What do I want to be for the rest of my life?'"

He continued, "Last night, I was up late with Robyn and we were having a discussion about our values and the fact that I've struggled with mine through the divorce process and everything that's happened."

Kody noted that he "lost his sense of direction [in] his life" and there were certain aspects he felt guilty about.

"There's this struggle that I've had because I had this big picture that got shattered," he added, referencing his split from ex-wives Janelle Brown, Christine Brown and Meri Brown. "But I have a safe, kind and sweet place with my wife Robyn. Then I have tons of guilt because I'm not more involved with everybody else that's out there."

Kody is estranged from several of his adult children -- something he and Robyn argued about on an Oct. 6 episode of the show.

When Robyn encouraged her husband to reach out to some of his children, Kody got angry, storming away and refusing to discuss the issue. He later blamed his divorces for creating the divide between him and his children

"What has happened is in the divorce -- in the divorces -- is the ugly finger of blame has come out. 'Dad, you were never at my house,'" Kody said during a confessional. "I'm sorry, I had four wives. I was at your house, though, because the other wife was complaining that I was at your house."

Once Kody had calmed down and was able to have a conversation with Robyn, she explained that the older kids were "hurting" and wondered why he was no longer reaching out to them.

"They're purposefully leaving me out of their lives to punish me for a crime I did not commit," Kody ranted. "I am only guilty of not falling madly in love with their mothers."

Kody's feelings of guilt where his relationships with his children are concerned are especially poignant amid the death of his son, Garrison, whom he shares with ex, Janelle, who died in March at the age of 25 from an apparent gunshot wound to the head.

"Janelle and I talking about reconciliation is a bulls--t pipe dream for both of us," Kody said Sunday. "I talk about reconciling with her because I would like to be back in graces with my children."

He continued, "I know that reconciling with her would require some kind of power game where I gave her all the power in the relationship which I think is fair because I had it for so many years, but I'm not interested in that. I think it's a fake discussion for both of us, and the reason is because I think both of us -- I'm telling you my heart's truth -- don't want to be the one that's accountable for breaking up."

Elsewhere in the episode, Robyn opened up about being "blamed" for Kody's choices.

"I feel like every time Kody makes a choice and they don't like it, then I get blamed," Robyn said in a confessional. "There's this new concept that I have Kody just wrapped around my little finger and I'm doing evil spells on him. How ridiculous."

The other wives have shared their frustrations over Kody's relationship with Robyn, with Janelle alleging that she's his "favorite wife."

"This happens every time the kids talk to him about Robyn, or I talk to him. It's like he just doesn’t want to go there," Janelle claimed in a confessional. "That's his sacred cow. She's perfect. Don't dare talk about her!"

Janelle added that she doesn’t understand how Kody expected to be in a plural marriage with anyone else if he had "this person that you worship" over everyone. "That's part of being a husband in a plural marriage. You have to be able to hear everybody equally."

The claims, however, were shut down by both Kody and Robyn, with Kody's fourth wife adding that if anyone knows her husband, then they know "he's not to be controlled."

Sister Wives airs on TLC Sundays at 10:00 p.m. ET.