Trevor Noah suggests Robert Mueller should spank Trump with a magazine to make him more "appropriate," since it worked for Daniels.
With much of late-night on hiatus and so much happening over the weekend, it was all Stephen Colbert, James Corden and Trevor Noah could do to keep up. But of course the biggest story was Stormy Daniels' interview with Anderson Cooper on "60 Minutes" Sunday night.
The porn star broke her silence officially with the interview, flying in the face of a non-disclosure agreement she says is invalid because Donald Trump never signed it. And so, with the risk of being fined $1 million for violating that NDA, she told Cooper all the lurid details of her alleged one-night sexual encounter with Trump, including smacking him on the bottom with a magazine and how not into it she was.
But the sex was only the first part of the conversation, as she then moved on to talk of being physically threatened to keep her mouth shut as well as facing ongoing threats of financial ruin at the hands of Trump's personal lawyer -- and the guy who forked over the $130,000 in hush money -- Michael Cohen.
"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah"
The Comedy Central host bravely tried to juggle everything that happened in one quick segment, including the U.S kicking out Russian diplomats, Trump hiring John Bolton as his new National Security Advisor, reluctantly signing the federal budget and enthusiastically signing a transgender ban.
He had no time to go into any of them, but when it got to the part of Stormy Daniels' interview where she said spanking Donald Trump with the magazine changed his demeanor from creepy old man to more civilized and "appropriate," Noah had to take pause.
"When he's spanked he becomes a nice guy and starts opening up," Noah mused. "You know Bob Mueller is watching this interview, right? You know that? And now he's going to walk into the interrogation room with a rolled up magazine like, 'OK Donald, time to talk about Russia.'"
He threw up a graphic of Trump with has pants down and Mueller looming large over him with a rolled up magazine. "Donald's gonna be like, 'It started with [Ow!] a meeting [Ow!] at Trump tow-- [Ow!] I've been a bad boy!"
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Over on CBS, Colbert pointed out that the Stormy Daniels interview was watched by 22 million viewers, giving "60 Minutes" its highest ratings in over 10 years (and that's just fast national overnight ratings). "That means Stormy Daniels got higher ratings than Donald Trump did right after he was elected president," he pointed out. "That's gotta sting."
Colbert took note of the repeated line from Daniels where she alleges that Trump told he she reminded him of his daugther. "That is awkward, but not nearly as awkward as when he told Ivanka, 'Honey, you remind me of this porn star I had sex with,'" Colbert joked.
At another point, Daniels described her sense of resignation when she realized Trump wanted to have sex, saying, "Ugh, here we go." Colbert quickly added, "Coincidentally that was the theme of Trump's inaugural ball."
He then pulled out one of his classic recurring bits dating back to "The Colbert Report" where he inserted himself in the place of Cooper to conduct his own interview with Daniels. He asked her pertinent questions like if the presidential penis looks more like a decorative gourd or a circus peanut.
He also asked what a Trump come-on line sounds like, and even though we saw it coming a mile away, we still cringed when Daniels said, "You remind me of my daughter."
"The Late Late Show with James Corden"
Corden was in for a surprise when he polled his audience to see who had watched it and there was almost no applause. "22 million people watched last night, not one of them is in this audience," he laughed.
Nevertheless, he pressed on with his take on the little interview no one saw. "For many men, it was the first time they watched Stormy Daniels without having to immediately delete their browser history," he joked.
He couldn't help but laugh at the part where Daniels said she wasn't attracted to Trump at all. "I believe her," he said. "She couldn't say no fast enough. She wasn't physically attracted to him, which is actually scarier. Could you imagine liking Trump for his personality?"
Corden then threw to himself for a quick weather update with the "Stormy Tracker 3000." This one featured all kinds of fun wordplay as Hurricane Stormy made its way toward Washington, DC, with another storm on its tail.
"Over here, a second system has been forming steadily since 2006, an ex-Playboy model claiming to have had an affair with the president, this is Hurricane Karen," Corden said, referring to Karen McDouglas, who is also alleging an affair with the president.
Corden then said what everyone was thinking about that CD-ROM Daniels' lawyer teased, saying, "The potential release of compromising photos of Trump in a moment of intimacy could lead to a drastic increase in the Ewww Point."