"I've seen men on 'To Catch a Predator' with better media appearances," Seth Meyers jokes of Giuliani's nonsensical responses about Trump's legal problems.
Rudy Giuliani had a very busy weekend representing his new client Donald Trump on TV, and it did not go well. He made appearances all across the media landscape, but he mostly stammered and backtracked and said a lot of nothing, which late-night stars tried to make sense of for their shows Monday night.
The one thing we do know is that Trump did or did not know what we think he knew that he has both said he knew and that he never knew, and Giuliani absolutely doesn't know what he thought he knew that Trump knew because he's new... you know?
"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah"
Trevor Noah brought on his own "Senior Legal Correspondent" Michael Kosta to break down Rudy Giuliani's appearance, and Kosta was very impressed with what Giuliani did on behalf of his new client.
"Before he showed up, the facts in this case seemed obvious. Donald Trump paid hush money to a porn star three weeks before the election. Open and shut case," Kosta said.
"Now, thanks to Rudy, what do we know?" he asked. "We know the president didn't pay Cohen to pay Daniels, except he did, but from a general legal fund, which didn't exist, unless it does. Either way, the president didn't know about it, other than the parts he knew, which was nothing. And clearly no campaign finance laws were broken because Trump was gonna pay Stormy Daniels, or not, regardless of the election, and this massive tiny payment was chump change that also made her rich. You can trust Rudy on that because he's an expert on campaign finance, even though he knows nothing because he just started on the case like an hour ago."
What does this mean? "No one knows what's going on, which means reasonable doubt. Case dismissed."
"Late Night with Seth Meyers"
Seth Meyers was surprised that Rudy Giuliani has said he feels pretty good about his media appearances over the weekend. According to Meyers, Giuliani said this was because, "Everybody's reacting to us now."
Meyers responded, "Yes they are. And this is their reaction." He then flashed an image of Giuliani looking bug-eyed and terrified like hes about to get run over by a semi.
"I've seen men on 'To Catch a Predator' with better media appearances," Meyers joked.
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
"Did you hear about that very old, very scary volcano that erupted over the weekend?" Jimmy Kimmel asked his audience. "Well, his name is Rudy Giuliani."
He then brought out a chalkboard with the most perplexing answers Giuliani gave to George Stephanopoulos on ABC Sunday morning. After essentially confirming that Trump knew about the Stormy Daniels payment and that he had repaid Cohen, Giuliani has now backed down on what Trump knew and when.
"Those are the facts that we're still working on and that, you know, may be in a little bit of dispute," Giuliani said to Kimmel's amazement. "Right now, I'm at the point where I'm learning. And I can't prove that. I can just say it's rumored. I can confirm it's rumor. But I can't confirm it's fact."
"I think their strategy right now is to put somebody out there who's even nuttier than Trump, to make him look normal by comparison, and it's working," Kimmel marveled.
"The Late Show with Stephen Colbert"
Stephen Colbert also opened his show talking about the volcanic eruption in Hawaii. He then used that as a nice segue. "Speaking of natural disasters, Rudy Giuliani," he said. "Trump's new lawyer, and Batboy's grandfather, has been everywhere, saying everything in no particular order."
The "Late Show" host also noticed that Giuliani said they're still working on the facts. "He's right. It can be very hard to separate fact from opinion," Colbert pointed out. "For instance, it's my opinion that he is clearly lying, but that's also a fact."
As for Trump's legal team, we may just need to be patient. "They're still working on it. Once they decide what they want those facts to be, they'll let you know," Colbert said.