Jimmy Kimmel Discovers 'Saddest Thing' About Michael Cohen and Imagines Rudy Giuliani's Future in 'Mental Facility'

Jimmy Kimmel can not get enough of the recent string of bombshell developments in the scandal plaguing President Donald Trump and his administration, but his favorite thing to make fun of Thursday night was a Twitter account Michael Cohen had created for him while allegedly paying for polls to be rigged in Trump's favor during the election.

During his monologue, the ABC star referenced a Wall Street Journal article reporting Trump's former attorney and fixer hired an IT firm to rig CNBC and Drudge Report polls in Trump's favor early in the campaign. But that's not what had Kimmel grinning from ear to ear while talking about the news.

John Gauger, the man who Cohen hired, reportedly showed up to Trump Tower in 2015 expecting to be paid $50,000 for the job, but Cohen only handed him a Walmart bag containing $12,000 to $13,000 in cash and a boxing glove Cohen said had been worn by a Brazilian mixed-martial arts fighter.

"It's like a scene out of the world's dumbest heist movie," Kimmel joked, and then aired Gauger's "Survivor" audition tape created in 2005 -- and it's a real gem. In it, the IT professional bragged he could make anybody like him, so he would become "the most loved 'Survivor' contestant of all time," but then he added, "And maybe the most hated, too." Huh?

"Literally everyone around Trump is a character from a reality show," Kimmel said while laughing at the latest character to be revealed in the Trump saga. "And that is not even the best part of the story."

And he's not wrong. Cohen reportedly asked Gauger to set up a Twitter handle @WomenForCohen, which launched in 2016 with the following bio: "Women who love and support Michael Cohen. Strong, pit bull, sex symbol, no nonsense, business oriented, and ready to make a difference!"

"Basically, Cohen asked this guy, 'Help me rig the election. Hey, while you're at it, could you make people think girls like me, too?'" Kimmel joked. And hilariously, Kimmel found a whole lot of men following the account, and then showed a few of the gems the account tweeted out in support of Cohen.

"This has got to be the saddest thing I ever heard of in my whole life. We're like a week away from finding out Michael Cohen had a burner phone for sending dirty texts to himself," he joked. "I may have underestimated Michael Cohen. He might be a lot more hilarious than I ever imagined."

Trump's current lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, of course dismissed the report. "If one thing has been established, it's that Michael Cohen is completely untrustworthy," he told WSJ.

But Giuliani is having a very hard time convincing anyone that he himself is trustworthy. Before making fun of Cohen, he spent a few minutes laughing at the former New York City mayor's latest CNN appearance, when he told Chris Cuomo he "never said there was no collusion between the campaign" and Russia. Giuliani and Trump have most definitely claimed in the past there was "no collusion" between Russia and anyone working with Trump campaign. He walked back on his repeated "no collusion" claim after the New York Times reported on Jan. 8 that unsealed court documents show former campaign manager Paul Manaforte allegedly shared political polling data with a business associate tied to Russian intelligence.

"So he did say it. The surest sign of how deeply screwed up this administration is, is that Rudy Giuliani is still allowed to go on TV to speak on their behalf," Kimmel said, and then played more of Giuliani's messy, unconvincing rambling on CNN. "Rudy Giuliani is like a choose-your-own adventure, it just changes."

"At some point, Rudy is going to have to deny that Trump is even the president," Kimmel said. "Oh boy. Poor Rudy. Some day he's going to be a mental facility telling the nurses that he used to be the mayor of New York, and they'll be like, 'Uh huh.'"