"Now my daughter is not talking to me, nor is my wife. Which got me thinking should I bite the bullet and essentially burn money, and alienate family members to make my daughter's dream wedding a reality?"
A father has been forced by the internet to acknowledge he's responsible for raising a "spoiled, entitled" child after he sought advice for how to deal with his daughter's dream wedding with an eye-watering price tag.
The dad, who posted to an anonymous forum, claimed he was getting the silent treatment from both his wife and daughter after he refused to pay for a $200k destination wedding to New Zealand.
The highly popular post, the veracity of which is impossible to verify, certainly had the subreddit AmItheAsshole up in arms for all sorts of reasons.
The twist: he can easily afford the wedding. His reasons for hesitating have to do with family and principle. See for yourself in the full post below.
AITA for telling my daughter I am not paying for a destination wedding?
"My daughter is getting married, and she wishes to have a destination wedding and told her no. My wife feels I should do it because we can afford it, but I find it to be a pointless showing of wealth. Now my daughter is not talking to me, nor is my wife. Which got me thinking should I bite the bullet and essentially burn money, and alienate family members to make my daughter's dream wedding a reality?"
"Edit: Forgot to mention she wants to get married in NZ, we also are from NY."
"Edit: Forgot to mention she is currently asking for around 200k. This is not counting what guests would have to pay to come."
"Edit: Thanks for all of the comments have given me a great deal to think about. Before anything else, I know I am not the father of the year, and I am a spineless coward."
"Tomorrow I am going to start making phone calls to price what a wedding in NY would cost at different head counts from 100 to 200 people. I do not know the exact size I just know he also has a large close family.
"After I get that information I will use that to make an informed choice, but it will be an either or situation. Because they are playing this game I will tell both of them my wife and daughter that it is a wedding or house.
"If my wife makes a fuss over it that is a battle I will have to face at another time."
When asked if he'd feel differently paying the same price but at home in New York, he replied, "If the wedding was 200k in NY? No."
"If she asked for 200k for a house? Yeah, I would do that in a heartbeat," he acknowledged. "Spending 200k on something that serves no other purpose than showing off wealth is not something I signed off on. I get getting her a house is also showing off wealth but a house serves a long term purpose."
Other commenters said he had to admit it was his fault for raising a "spoiled, entitled" child.
"I will admit she did have a privileged life," he said. "I grew up poor and experienced a lot of hardship. I did not want her to experience that. I wanted to give her every experience I was not able to have."
"I agree I f--ked up in that regard," he added. "The amount itself is not what gets me, if she asked for 200k for a house or something I would do that in a heartbeat."
However, he went on to elaborate, saying his "spoiling" of his daughter was not as bad as he might have made it sound at first.
"I grew up poor, and I did not buy her fancy cars or super expensive gifts all the time, I tend to cave on experiences. I paid for her to travel for a year before college for example. I am also a sucker, she is my baby girl so she knows how to play me, I am not going to lie."
"So no it is not out of character, I created this situation I do understand that."
"NTA," one wrote. "If she can't pay for a destination wedding on her own, then she shouldn't be having a destination wedding. It seems cruel but it's true. Not to mention there's so much more money involved with the flights and the hotels and stuff. Is she going to be paying for her own ticket or are you expected to fork out for them too? And her fiancées ticket."
"Not to mention the fact that she's thrown a strop and isn't talking to you tells me she doesn't deserve it," they went on to write. "I'm a believer of we are not entitled to our parents money. I don't expect any inheritance off of my dad if he ever passes, even though he has a big life insurance. I would rather have my dad than the money."
And that was pretty much how all or most of the thousands of comments read on the post.
One noted, "As someone who lives in NZ, I can honestly say that this $200,000 budget will absolutely skyrocket. Everything is expensive in NZ. Food, accommodation, domestic flights, gas, it will all be MUCH more expensive than even your daughter can imagine. And as soon as you say the word 'wedding', costs increase at venues, with caterers, with accommodation.
"Dude, stand your ground. It sounds like your daughter and wife think they can sulk until you give in. DON'T give in."