Woman Upset After Blind Boyfriend Who Doesn't Drive Refuses to Share Parking Costs

The story, which has since been deleted from Reddit's anonymous AITA ("Am I the A--hole") forum, detailed life with her legally blind boyfriend and how the differences in their needs, and looking ahead have led to conflict.

While OP (a.k.a. the "original poster") agonized over if she was being selfish -- in light of her partner's disability -- readers of the post recognized a pattern she was seemingly oblivious to.

Read on to see how the whole thing played out -- and all the armchair Redditor theories about what really was going on!

OP gave some background about their current living situation and proposed changes that came out of left field, from her perspective. "My (29F) boyfriend (30M) is legally blind and cannot drive. We are currently living in a city which is safe and walkable. A parking spot for my car is included in our rent," she explained. "We both take the bus to work, so mostly I use my car for errands. I drive us to visit his friends and family that are not accessible by public transit."

She then shared that her boyfriend surprised her with his thoughts about wanting to move to a nearby bigger city, revealing that he was unhappy with their current living situation. She then detailed his reasons:

• "He wants to be closer to work and the train, which he uses to get around and visit friends. In our current city, he has to take a 15-20 minute bus ride to get to the train but would prefer to live somewhere he can walk to it. He hates the bus. Also, if we moved to the downtown area of this bigger city we could both walk to work.
• He feels that our current city is boring. He said there is nothing to do, and the downtown area with a theater, bars and restaurants is too far away (1 mile).
• He wants an apartment with amenities like a dishwasher, A/C, and an in-unit washer/dryer. It's not always easy to find units that have been renovated with all these amenities in our current city because the buildings are older. In the bigger city, there are a lot of newer buildings."

OP then broke down her "reservations" in a similar fashion:

• "The area he wants to live in is not safe. I would not be able to take a walk in my own neighborhood. When we have friends over their cars will be at risk of break ins.
• The apartments are expensive. We will need to take on a roommate. I had hoped to be done with roommates and I will miss our privacy. Even with the roommate we will both be paying more in rent.
• You almost always pay extra for a parking spot. We are looking at a building where a spot is $175/month."

"Despite my reservations, I agreed," she wrote, concluding the overall background. "He is the one living with a disability, and easy walking access to the train means independence to him. If I want to take a walk or visit my old city it's only a 15 minute drive away."

Finally, she got to what brought her to the forum, her request that got her a very cold no from her boyfriend, leaving her unsure if she'd crossed a line by even asking.

"I decided that it would be fair to ask my boyfriend to split the cost of the parking spot with me for the following reasons," she said, detailing that they "both benefit from me having a car," she's already "making compromises on what I value in a living situation to make him more comfortable," and "spending more money to live somewhere I like less."

She said she's only asking "because that cost is directly related to this move," and emphasized that she's "never asked him to contribute to anything else car-related" before this.

"I asked him if he would consider contributing to parking," she shared. "He gave me a cold look and said no. Immediately, I felt so embarrassed and greedy for even asking. I apologized and didn't even try to defend why I thought it might be fair."

After a little distance from that cold encounter, though, OP reflected, adding, "I can't shake the feeling that it wasn't such a crazy request. I was thinking about bringing it up again." But before she did, she wanted to know "AITA" for making this request?

For the most part, Redditors don't feel OP is making an unreasonable request, and especially in light of all that she's giving up. They were, however, concerned about the idea of her moving with her legally blind boyfriend to a more dangerous neighborhood where they'd both be more vulnerable.

One commenter noted how she said they'd both be able to walk to work, but later said she wouldn't be able to walk in her own neighborhood because it's unsafe. "No, it sounds like you would not be able to walk to work," they concluded.

OP argued that because they would be walking together to work most days, she would "feel okay" about it. "But I feel a lot less safe about walking alone." Another commenter argued, "You're walking with a non-sighted person. Is that any better than walking alone in that neighbourhood?"

"if it's not safe for you to walk around there, how is it safe for him?!" asked one Redditor. "He can't even see what’s coming."

One blind commenter agreed with this sentiment, writing, "To be honest, often being visibly disabled just means we are targeted." He encouraged the couple to reconsider moving to a more dangerous area, and especially if it's also more expensive.

They also questioned the boyfriend wanting to move ahead even with OP's expressed concerns about her personal safety. "I would really, really rethink the move with your partner's disregard for your perspective or concerns," wrote one commenter.

An "immediate dealbreaker" for another was the fact they'd have to take on a roommate. While one expressed concern for her blind boyfriend having to live with a new roommate who might not understand how best to accommodate his situation (i.e., not moving things around), another questioned making a move they couldn't afford on their own.

With all of these things in consideration, most Redditors felt OP was perfectly fine to bring it up again, so long as she could accept the answer might still be no. "He is also allowed to say no," wrote one. "And after your discussion, he may give no other reason than 'I don't drive' and still say no. And technically, he wouldn't be wrong."

There were also expressed concerns about how he responded to her suggestion in the first place, with one person commenting that it needs to be "a conversation he's willing to have like a rational person without the 'how dare you question me' death stare?"

"Something about the way he said no and the whole 'cold stare' thing doesn't sit right with me," commented another Redditor. "The fact that you immediately felt the need to apologize and not argue back with him tells me this guy potentially has a habit of being less than kind to you."

"A relationship is about compromise," wrote one commenter, who had the most upvotes. "You are making a large compromise by moving to a different city, paying more $$, living with a roommate, etc. No one is forcing you to do this - but you are doing so because you care about your partner and it will make his life easier. However, a relationship is about give and take. Paying half your parking cost seems to be a fair compromise, and even though he might not want to do it, it is the right thing to do imo."

OP chimed in to agree that more communication is probably needed. "You have a point. We should talk about this more. I think I was being extra accommodating because I felt guilty that apparently he has been unhappy living in our current city this whole time while I've been perfectly content," she wrote. "But the solution isn't to switch to a living situation where he's happy and I'm not. My concerns are important too and we should try to come up with a better compromise."

"Hell, yes, you need to compromise," commented another Redditor. "And you actually need to raise all the issues with him that you have here. Then you two should start building a wish list and seek an area that could actually make you both happy (or at least content)."

Another commenter agreed there's more to discuss, adding, "I understand his reasons and this might come down to different preferences, but is he just not concerned about the safety, privacy, and cost aspects of this? Those seem significant. How about the fact that you are concerned about those things, has he taken that issue into account? ... I think there is more than one answer to this conflict and I do not feel you complying with his preference with no affordance of your concerns is the right one."