The family held a small private ceremony in their backyard, in a town with a population of 500, and insist their daughter was present at the funeral despite Google saying otherwise – but Redditors think they know exactly what happened.
A woman says she is being gaslit by her family after they denied forgetting to invite her to her grandparents' funeral.
While the dispute over the invitation would be enough for some real family drama, it was the woman's relatives insisting she was in fact present for the ceremony that really upset her.
Both sides seemed convinced they were right -- or at the very least hellbent on proving the other side wrong.
The story, which was posted to an anonymous forum on Reddit, brought out the armchair detectives and psychologists alike in a collective effort to solve this puzzle.
"My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there."
"I'm 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to 'the city' (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
"Ever since I moved away, the topic of 'when am I moving back?' is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The 'city' is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
"Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn't because Google's got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July.
"Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all 'Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?' Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it 'all the time'.
"Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me 'for lying'. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me 'on read' until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family's been vague posting on Facebook about 'forgetful kids' and mental health. It's so freaking weird and I don't know if I'm in bizzaro world or what's going on. My mom's best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I'm causing my mom so much unnecessary stress.
"Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about 'forgetful kids' and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
"I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season."
While many Redditors believed OP's family was simply trying to save face after forgetting to invite her, there were those who speculated more manipulative motives were behind it all.
This much more jaded narrative picked up steam once OP dropped into the comments to answer some questions.
When one commenter advised her to ask for photos from the event, the woman replied: "I asked for photos. They sent me the one we took on the 4th of July a few days prior. When I pointed out the sparklers the neighbor kids had in the background, step dad just got testy about it. Now they've all just stopped responding to any of my messages and requests for proof, or my presenting of proof."
Then in reply to another commenter, OP said she also reached out to her stepmother, who is "all about her photos." However, OP said her stepmom claimed there were no pictures from the day as "it would've been tacky."
Your family is s--t and pulling a wicked power move because you refuse to move back 'home.'
She then also provided info about her visit just days before the funeral, saying there was "not a word" about the impending ceremony.
"We even took the 5th off to spend the day with them," OP wrote. "We talked cars, bird watching, the weather, about my brother's dog and her needing wittle bitty steps to get into her favorite chair because of her hips. Many random things. But a funeral or my distant great uncle visiting in 3-4 days? Nope. None of that."
The saddest part was her sense of loss amid all the family bickering.
"We talk all the time on the phone. My step mom calls me almost every night. Used to anyway. It's been a weird few weeks not talking to them," she noted in one comment. "I get home from work, and start automatically pulling up someone to call, and then I remember. I usually talk to my dad every Sunday morning while we drink our coffee. Not having him call this week had me sitting outside in my usual spot and just...sitting? I don't know how to describe it. Felt kinda numb and weird."
Once all that context was given, many armchair psychologists came to similar conclusions.
"You were there on the 4th, and they never alluded to returning on the 8th? That's not an oversight. They omitted you deliberately," one noted. "Also, this is textbook gaslighting. Sounds like they are literally trying to make you think you are crazy. These people are not good for you. You gained a little independence, and they won't forgive you for that."
"Yep. OP Is being punished for leaving them," another echoed in the same thread.
I usually talk to my dad every Sunday morning while we drink our coffee. Not having him call this week had me sitting outside in my usual spot and just...sitting? I don't know how to describe it. Felt kinda numb and weird.
While this commenter went even further, writing: "Did they really forget? Maybe this is phase one of trying to make you move back home. Making you feel left out because you don’t live there."
And then came a Redditor who seemed to be very passionate about the situation: "My guess for the exclusion, you won't move back 'home'. You say you visit often, but laugh when they ask you to move 'home' or tell them you love the 'city'. Your family is sick of your sh-t, of you not coming 'home' and this is payback? It's not many family members to convince to go along, the family friends will not remember one way or another and just agree you were there. Herd mentality and all. So yeah that's my thesis. Your family is sh-t and pulling a wicked power move because you refuse to move back 'home.'"