RHONY's Brynn Whitfield Details Sexual Assault, Says She Still Sees Alleged Attacker

On Tuesday's all-new Real Housewives of New York City, Whitfield opened up about the devastating moment, which she says "robbed" her of several major life experiences -- especially time with her late grandmother.

"I just felt dumb and embarrassed and blamed myself. It’s like, none of this was supposed to happen to me," Whitfield said in her confessional through tears. "It robbed me of ever wanting to get married. It robbed me of whether or not I might have children."

She continued, "Worst, it robbed me of the last year with [my grandmother]."

Whitfield also said she's felt "like a liar" for the past year as she continues to work through the trauma associated with the assault.

"Every time that people ask me why I'm single, I smile and I say, 'Oh there's not enough billionaires in the world' or 'I've dated them all,'" she said. "It's like a knife that keeps going in and I just feel like I'm f--king lying and I want to feel better because it's not going away and I'm running out of time."

Whitfield also spoke to PEOPLE about the harrowing event, and explained why she wanted to share her experience publicly.

"You have to find reason in everything. There's a reason I needed to experience this and honestly, it opened me up," Whitfield said of how this experience has changed her outlook on dating.

Elsewhere in her conversation with PEOPLE, Whitfield shared more about the assault, which she said happened in her early thirties at the hand of an an unnamed man who was described as someone in the New York City social scene that had been "courting" her.

"You just go home, and you just shower, and you just want to pretend like it didn’t happen," she shared. "I think my water bill probably that month was like $10,000 … and just there's not enough soap in the world [to get clean]. … You try not to put chlorine in your luxurious bathtub."

Whitfield said she felt "numb" at the time, and often blamed herself for what had happened.

She also revealed that she continues to run into her alleged assailant around NYC, and while those moments are certainly difficult, the chaos of her childhood has trained her to put on a "brave face" and move forward with "tact" and "strength."

"I put on a brave face and I refuse to cause a scene. I don’t like loudness. I don't like screaming or yelling because of my childhood," Brynn said. "I pick up the check and I sign. That's what I do. That's that."

She continued, "I think that that is the unfortunate reality of so many people. I don't think that everybody gets their day of justice. I think this happens frequently. And I think that I'm one of many throughout hundreds, I don't know, thousands of years that have had to handle it this way."

Instead, Whitfield says, "I handle it with elegance, and grace, and tact and strength. And the only thing I know about the way I handle it, is that I'm certainly not the first one."

When it comes to her hopes for other women who have experienced the same thing, Whitfield told the outlet her hope is that "If I can help one person feel something, feel how I felt, if I can help one person feel better, then I'll tattoo it on me. Then it's worth it, a billion percent."

The Real Housewives of New York City airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET on Bravo, and can be streamed the following day on Peacock.

The National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline -- 800.656.HOPE (4673) -- provides free, 24/7 support for those in need.