The "Atlanta" star throws shade at Jennifer Lawrence, Taylor Swift, Donald Trump, Bitcoin, Facebook, Marvel fanboys and more!
The prolific actor/producer/director managed to bang out a pretty hilarious script in record time, and it is filled with pop culture references so current he's even got TMZ's theory on who bit Beyonce's face in there.
The script also tackles topics like Donald Trump, Bitcoin, Facebook, racism, and Marvel itself. The 15-page "series finale" script came just hours after FX made the announcement that the project was canned. Glover set up the Twitter thread with the statement, "For the record: I wasn't too busy to work on Deadpool."
While it was mostly a meditation on the ultimate fate of the series he'd been working on, Glover still managed to pull it into what would have been a very entertaining episode of a "Deadpool" animated series. The main plot saw the titular hero hired to protect Sudan, the last male white rhino in existence, as he was let loose in the wild to find a mate. This set up a "Cast Away" situation, as Deadpool described it, where he mostly monologued while Sudan ate grass until the action-packed and blood-soaked and twist-filled climax.
Along the way, Glover sprinkled the script liberally with plenty of timely pop culture references, which we've handily gathered for you below. Also, he absolutely made us want this project to happen right now more than ever. Somebody pick up this show!
WHO BIT BEYONCE?
Rather than listen to the details of his assignment, Deadpool was scrolling on his phone until he clearly hit TMZ. "OH MY GOD! Sanaa Lathan bit Beyonce's face! Wait. Oh thank God. It was Jennifer Lawrence. I already hate her. It's fine."
This then circled back around at the end of the script as Deadpool got another alert. "What the Fuck!! (then) It was Sanna Lathan?!"
"So y'all payin' me in Bitcoin. I'm surprised You're the first to agree to that," he said to set up the recurring joke. This then continued throughout the episode, with Deadpool getting update alerts via phone on his Bitcoin value, instantly affecting his interest in sticking by the case.
"Don't thank me. Thank the seven hundred Bitcoins you're paying me- (he looks at his phone) Oh my god. It dropped that much? I went from Johnny Depp in 'Pirates of the Caribbean' to...Johnny Depp in 'Pirates of the Caribbean.' The ride."
A lot of the script was Deadpool talking to the rhino about the fate of his show, wondering what went wrong and why he got cancelled. "I'm not mad about this whole 'cancelled' thing. I actually think it's a good thing. I mean, is it even a good time to leave a violent, gun loving white man ranting on TV? (hard sell) Other than the PRESIDENT!"
"Do you think they cancelled the show...cause of racism?! (Sudan continues eating grass) Yeah, but all the writers were black. And the references were pretty black too. I heard they went over the lunch budget ordering Jamaican food at least once a week."
"Maybe we were alienating our white audience? (then) No. We did a whole goat yoga episode. Damn. What was it? (More eating.) Noooooo. The Taylor Swift episode? Nah. No. They had to have loved that script."
"I want to know why. I want the real story. If you have enough data you can predict the future. That's all that's left. Google, Amazon Facebook. (Sudan grunts) Yeah. Fuck Facebook. Kick 'em while they're down."
After the climactic and inevitable battle that saw Deadpool eviscerate all kinds of bad guys and take out the big bad with a well-placed bullet to the forehead, Deadpool had a message for America's educators. "Take note teachers of America," he said. "Someday you'll have to make a high pressure shot like that."
Still trying to figure out why he got canned, Deadpool wondered if it had to do with his treatment of his parent company. "The Marvel stuff I said in it?" he asked. "All I said was Marvel was trying to sell toys to seven-year-old boys and fifty year old pedophiles. That's just funny. They're cool. They get it."
"Doesn't Marvel have enough feel-good minority shows everyone supports but doesn't watch? I mean, I think our show woulda been funny. I just wanted a place to be honest. (tearing up) And I guess that place is Freeform."
"Don't let Ben Carson operate on me!"
"If this was 'Last Week Tonight,' people woulda laughed. (thinks better of it) Woulda clapped."
"I've grown to love the guy [talking about Sudan]. Because in a way he reminds me of me. Ugly. And something people only cared about after like a million years."