"By the end of the week, Rudy Giuliani is gonna implicate Trump in the Lincoln assassination," jokes Kimmel.
Late-night hosts had plenty of fresh material Thursday night, after Rudy Giuliani -- one of Donald Trump's lawyers -- claimed the president reimbursed personal lawyer Michael Cohen for his $130,000 payment to keep Stormy Daniels quiet.
The statement contradicts what POTUS and Cohen had been saying for quite some time now, that Trump didn't have any knowledge about the payment to the porn star.
After Giuliani dropped the bombshell on Wednesday's "Hannity" and delved even more into the subject Thursday morning on "Fox and Friends," Trump took to this Twitter -- as he always does -- to react.
Mr. Cohen, an attorney, received a monthly retainer, not from the campaign and having nothing to do with the campaign, from which he entered into, through reimbursement, a private contract between two parties, known as a non-disclosure agreement, or NDA. These agreements are.....— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 3, 2018
...very common among celebrities and people of wealth. In this case it is in full force and effect and will be used in Arbitration for damages against Ms. Clifford (Daniels). The agreement was used to stop the false and extortionist accusations made by her about an affair,......— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 3, 2018
...despite already having signed a detailed letter admitting that there was no affair. Prior to its violation by Ms. Clifford and her attorney, this was a private agreement. Money from the campaign, or campaign contributions, played no roll in this transaction.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 3, 2018
"The Late Show With Stephen Colbert"
"It's not just a storm this time, it's Hurricane Rudy," Colbert began his "Stormy Watch" segment. "Rudy, you're not helping," he continued. "I'm not a lawyer, and I know not to do that. Didn't Rudy see Trump on Air Force One?" In March, Trump was asked if he knew about the payment while on the plane, he said "No" at the time.
"Between Cohen and Trump, one of these two men is lying… and it's both of them," the late-night host joked, before addressing Trump giving Cohen a monthly retainer to pay him back.
"What he's trying to ship here is the idea that Cohen gets $35,000 a month from Trump and out of that he deducts all the hush money he pays," Colbert said. "It's all the porn stars you want to silence for one low monthly fee. Cohen calls his service, 'Netchix' ... it comes with streaming."
"Trump is claiming that he paid Cohen a monthly fee to hush up all the affairs he wasn't having," the CBS star said, after showing Trump's tweets. "So that means anyone can just say they had an affair with Donald Trump and leave with a hundred and thirty grand. In that case, I had sex with Donald Trump. It's gonna come out eventually. I don't mean love, it was dirty dog."
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
"Rudy Giuliani took to the warm confines of Fox News last night to contradict just about every claim his client has made on this subject with a revelation that took even Sean Hannity by surprise," Kimmel began in his monologue, joking the daily White House drama is how we survive without "Scandal."
"The President repaid Michael Cohen for the hush money he didn't know anything about. Which almost makes you think maybe he did know something about it," Kimmel said. "And he 'funneled' it, which doesn't sound suspicious. That's how I pay all my porn stars too. Through a funnel."
After showing a clip of being asked Giuliani why Cohen denied getting paid, Kimmel explained maybe Trump made a wrong choice in choosing the former New York mayor as one of his lawyers. "Maybe hiring me to be Donald Trump's laywer was a bad idea?" Kimmel said, putting words in Giuliani's mouth. "By the end of the week, Rudy Giuliani is gonna implicate Trump in the Lincoln assassination."
"I thought about this, and what I think is happening here is this," the late-night host continued. "Because they can't be this dumb. They just can't be this dumb. They know the prosecutors have the files from the raid on Michael Cohen's office that prove Trump paid Cohen this money. They know that information is gonna come out. So they send Giuliani over to Hannityland to say, 'Yes, he paid Cohen the money back,' as if Trump hasn't been saying 'I didn't pay that money' all along."
But Kimmel doesn't think that Trump, Cohen, or Giuliani are going to have the most work to do. That honor goes to Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
"I think the real loser in all of this isn't the President or Michael Cohen, or Rudy Giuliani," Kimmel explained. "It's White House Distress Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who has to go out there and defend this nonsense to the press and on this one at least she seems to have been caught totally off guard."
"The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon"
"It was 90 degrees here in New York today. People were sweating like President Trump watching Rudy Giuliani on 'Hannity," Fallon began his monologue.
"Even Kanye was like,'You should probably stop talking," the NBC star joked, adding "Giuliani said that Trump knew about and paid for Stormy Daniels's hush money — which explains Trump’s newest idea: paying Rudy Giuliani $130,000 in hush money."
After showing clips from Giuliani's appearances on "Fox and Friends" and "Hannity" like his late-night counterparts, Fallon also poked fun at Giuliani's crazy eyes, saying "that's the face you make after you see your photos after Cinco de Mayo."