Donald Trump had a busy weekend stumping for some politician running for something in Pennsylvania. But it's hard to remember who, because the president barely mentioned the guy while rambling through a 75-minute speech, which cracked up late-night television hosts to no end.
There was just so much for Seth Meyers, Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert, James Corden, Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel to dig their teeth into in that speech. The president railed against his opponents, insulted "Meet the Press" host Chuck Todd, praised himself for South Korea setting up talks with North Korea, did an impression of "being presidential" and even unveiled the campaign slogan for his 2020 reelection bid mere moments after saying he was going to keep it a secret.
It's no wonder every one of the late-night comedians seemed to find some other gem from the speech to pull out and examine under a comedic microscope. And they didn't even know Trump was going to fireSecretary of State Rex Tillerson this morning. The "crazy train," as Colbert dubbed it, just keeps on rolling!
"Late Night with Seth Meyers"
Right away, Meyers couldn't believe how little time Trump spent actually stumping for Rick Saccone, the candidate he was supposedly in Pennsylvania to throw his support behind. "He barely came up," Meyers said. "Trump's like the friend you invite to your birthday karaoke party who shows up late, doesn't bring a gift, and then sings 'Stairway to Heaven' 10 times in a row."
In another clip, Meyers showed Trump talking about how hopeful he was that Winfrey would run against him in 2020, because he knows her weakness. "'I know her weakness?' He talks about Oprah the way Lex Luthor talks about Superman," Meyers marveled. Trump did not reveal what that weakness was; ever the showman that president of ours.
When it came time to tout his forthcoming talks with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, Meyers acknowledged that Trump could actually do some good here. "If Trump somehow manages to fall ass backwards into a peaceful resolution with North Korea then that is absolutely a good thing," he conceded. "And if that happens, I will be the first to admit, 'OK, he wasn't Darth Vader. He was Mr. Bean.'"
"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah"
The Comedy Central star had some thoughts about North Korea as well, after some talking heads on cable news talked about how the previous two administrations, with all their smarts on foreign policy, had made no progress.
"The experts have been trying to solve North Korea for 20 years and it's only gotten worse. So if the smart people can't do it, why not try Trump?" Noah interpreted those comments to be saying. "It's like if you had a rare disease that the world's top doctors couldn't cure, so you were like, 'You know what? Why not let that dog in a hat give it a try.'"
Later he speculated on the best possible outcome. "What if he goes to North Korea, doesn't say anything racist, even bonds with Kim because they go to the same Supercuts, and then they reach a historic agreement to get rid of North Korea's nukes? That would be amazing!" he said. "Until President Trump gets home and we we realize he forgot to sign the last page."
"The Late Late Show with James Corden"
Corden jumped in to defend Chuck Todd with a quick jab back at the president. "During his speech, Trump called NBC journalist Chuck Todd 'a sleeping son of a bitch,'" Corden said. "Not to be confused with Chuck Todd's nickname for Donald Trump: 'sleeping with a porn star son of a bitch.'"
But the biggest takeaway from Corden is Trump's comments on Saccone's opponent, Democrat Conor Lamb, who by most standards is a pretty handsome guy. And yet, Trump made it a point to tell the assembled crowd that he thought he was better looking than Lamb.
"This guy thinks he's better-looking than this guy," Corden said putting up a picture of Trump looking dumpy in a golf cart next to Lamb's striking publicity shot. "That looks like Trump's real photo next to the photo he used to catfish Melania."
"The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon"
"At one point he said that he really can't wait for 2020, while the rest of America was like, 'Neither can we!'" Fallon joked about the president's rally speech where he rallied mostly for himself.
He couldn't help but laugh at the way Trump revealed his campaign slogan for his 2020 run: "Keep America Great!" We know the exclamation point is part of it, because Trump said the words and drew an exclamation point in the air.
"The guy running the teleprompter was like, 'Again, Mr. President, you don't have to say those. They're just punctuation,'" Fallon joked. "Republicans are like, 'What have we done, question mark?'"
"The Late Show with Stephen Colbert"
Colbert absolutely loved Trump's new campaign slogan. "Yes, Keep America Great. He's replacing MAGA with KAG," Colbert said. "Where have I heard that before? Well, it turns out it's the tagline for the movie 'The Purge: Election Year.' Keep America Great."
He then remembered where else he'd heard it. "Kag is the sound I make when I purge." And it was the sound he made when he thought of Trump running again.
In one of the speech's more bizarre moments, Trump mimicked what he thought someone being "presidential" looked like, which he said was so stiff and boring that the assembled crowd would probably walk out. "Is Trump really making fun of what he thinks normal presidents are like?" Colbert marveled. "That's like an alcoholic going, 'Ooh, look at me. I can hold down a job without drinking wine in the bathroom. I still have a family and woke up inside this morning.'"
Trump said acting presidential was easy. What he had to do was much harder. "Does he think acting like a buffoon is mandatory?" Colbert asked. "Is this some sort of 'Speed' situation? Somebody strapped a bomb to the country and if the president's IQ goes above 55 America explodes?"
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
"I don't know if you saw President Trump's new Netflix comedy special on Saturday?" Kimmel joked at the top of his monologue, rebranding Trump's rambling speech. He then played the clip of Trump calling Todd "a sleeping son of a bitch."
"He's a sleeping son of a bitch? Then what is your friend, Ben Carson? Methuselah?" Kimmel wondered.
The Oscars host also took note of Trump's enthusiastic reveal of his own 2020 campaign. "He encouraged voters to vote like crazy, which is really the only way you can vote for Donald Trump," Kimmel said.
And finally, because it was there, he took the silly footage of Trump play-acting at being "presidential" and slowed it down for another edition of "Drunk Donald Trump." Somehow, it was only marginally more ridiculous than the real footage.