George Clooney on Royal Baby Stealing His Thunder, Near-Fatal Motorcycle Accident and Raising Twins

George Clooney was an absolute delight during an appearance on "Ellen" Thursday, though he did have to turn in his original "Sexiest Man Alive" title for a new one.

The two-time honoree of that title swung by to promote his new Hulu mini-series "Catch-22" -- for which he serves as an actor, director and executive producer -- but wound up covering so much more.

He and Ellen DeGeneres talked about real things like his near-fatal motorcyle accident and the challenges of raising twins, as well as the absurd like Bat-nipples, "50 Shades of Grey" and George explained why Ellen is both a quitter and a liar.

She also commented on how the new royal baby and he share a birthday, to which George sardonically replied, "Yeah, I noticed that. That's stealing my game, stealing my thunder."

As for the revealed baby's name, Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, George seemed to approve of that. "Good name," he said. "Better than Jughead."

But then he and Ellen realized with delight there's always room for a baby brother, and Harry and Meghan can call for their children by shouting, "Archie and Jughead!"

Even though it nearly cost him his life, George couldn't help but smile wistfully as he recalled the accident he suffered in Italy, where "Catch-22" was filmed.

"A guy turned in front of me and I hit him at about 70 miles an hour, so that was a-- I got launched," George recalled. "I crushed his windshield in with my head and then I went flying up into their air afterwards. Knocked me out of my shoes, I mean, proper accident."

He went on to add, "I actually thought that was it. You know, you do this 100 times, 99 times I wouldn't be around for it. So I used up nine lives."

And that was it for George Clooney and two-wheeled vehicles, as he and wife Amal quickly came to the conclusion that one near-death experience in a lifetime is plenty. Luckily, Ellen was on-hand to ensure he could still get around in style with a four-wheeled scooter.

But this scooter was tricked out with high handlebars and flames so it looked the part. It even had one of George Clooney's "Sexiest Man Alive" covers on the front of it, but the actor rejected that claim as too old now.

"I'm now the AARP Sexiest Man Still Alive," the 58-year-old joked.

As for the bike, he loved it. "I've never felt more masculine," he said as he cruised around the stage. "It's a good thing I got married, because it's over."

George was in full dad-joke mode throughout the interview, and he got in one of his best jabs at the expense of his two-year-old son with Amal, Alex. At the same time, he pointed out how his twins -- Alex and sister Ella -- clearly got their smarts from their mother as they can count to 20 in English and Italian.

He's still struggling with English [insert rim shot here].

"They have their own personalities," he said of his twins. Alex "goes outside and hugs my car," George said, "Which is bad when I'm driving. That's really not good; he gets right in the wheelwell sometimes."

As for Ella, she's "up in my wife's closet with purses going, 'Mine!' So I see this is going to be a fun, fun life for me."

While his words were poking fun at his kids, his eyes absolutely lit up talking about them, even as he admitted it was far more exhausting keeping up with them now that they're running around. But as for the Terrible Twos, he and Amal count themselves lucky.

Ellen had the bright idea to revive one of her favorite running jokes from earlier in her show's run. George used to have his bungalow/office right next door to her studio, and so she spent many, many shows coming up with more and more elaborate ways to try and lure him onto her show.

The clip sequence she showed was absolutely epic, as Ellen enlisted celebrities, beauty pageant contestants, supermodels and even Chippendales dancers in her efforts to convince George to make an appearance on her show.

And while he no longer uses that space, she thought it might be fun to take him with her and crash it yet again. "I thought it would be fun if you and I go over there."

"And disturb them," George laughed.

"Yes, because they'd be thrilled to see you," Ellen shot back.

"Oh I'm sure."

But Ellen was right -- at least at first -- because the woman who owns the office now was actually a long-time associate of George's.

Unfortunately for her, it was Ellen, so it quickly devolved into lots of shenanigans and nonsense which left her with new "art" hanging on her office walls, various items thrown about, a broken dust-buster and George being wheeled out in one of her office chairs.

But the biggest hurt was saved for George himself when Ellen handed him a copy of "Batman and Robin" to sign. "Oh this one hurts," he said, adding, "You know, I was the only Batman to have nipples. A lot of people don't know. I had nipples. Oh yeah, yeah. They were huge."

There was no explanation as to why he had Bat-nipples -- a question that has been debated and despised in fandom for decades -- but at least George seems to agree with most of those who watched the films that it was ... uh, not great.

Another film George didn't seem that impressed with is one he didn't even bother to watch. When Ellen challenged him, telling him he should see "50 Shades of Grey," the actor responded quite plainly, "Really? Why?"

"It may give you some ideas," Ellen offered awkwardly. "I mean, you probably don't need any ideas, I'm sure you have all the ideas you need."

"I have a lot of ideas," George agreed.

He could never beat Ellen's viewing experience, though, as her houskeeper totally walked in on her while she was watching it. "Oh that's really bad," George laughed as Ellen shared the story.

But even worse in his eyes was Ellen daring to lie about why they didn't run into each other at Jennifer Aniston's recent birthday party. He said he showed up just as she was leaving at 8 o'clock, but Ellen tried to say she left at 11, which must be when George rolled in.

"No, I don't get anywhere at 11," he said. "I'm old, I fall asleep at 11."

Ellen persisted that she stuck around until 11, but George wasn't having it. "You can tell all your friends here how cool you are, you left at 11," he said before turning to the audience and telling them, "She left at 8!"

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