Overhearing this, a bewildered Lisa cannot believe her dad can't remember everything that's gone down over the last four years; alas the only news headline Homer can recall is "Faye Dunaway gives Oscar to wrong movie and is never seen again".
But suddenly the patriarch's memory jogs, and he plays back over a 50-strong list of incidents that might influence his decision, including:
Made it okay to shoot hibernating bears
Put children in cages
Called Mexicans rapists
Imitated disabled reporter
Looks lousy in a tennis outfit
Can't get wife to hold hand
Called third world countries ****holes
Called Tim Cook 'Tim Apple'
Said Jewish people who vote Democrat are disloyal
Showed top secret documents at Mar-A-Lago restaurant
Called white supremacists 'fine people'
Leaked classified information to Russian ambassador
Asked the president of Ukraine to investigate the Bidens
Called for China to investigate the Bidens
Walked into the dressing room at Miss Teen USA pageant
Pressed the Australian prime minister to help Barr investigate Mueller
Talked about grabbing *****
Lied about the size of his inauguration
Refused to release tax returns
Gutted the E.P.A.
Confiscated and destroyed interpreter's notes after meeting with Putin
Tweeted classified photo of Iran missile site
Called Baltimore a 'disgusting, rat and rodent-infested mess'
Described Meryl Streep as 'over-rated'
Leaked information to the press about the 2017 Manchester arena bombing
Did not attend any White House correspondents’ dinner
Said Megyn Kelly had 'blood coming out of her whatever'
"Oh yeah.... well that one was just funny... hehehe.... that was bad.... that was worse... someone made that up!... yikes... I gotta do something!" Homer commentates as he peruses the list, before finally making his mystery decision.
Skipping over the options for Kang for Attorney General, Kodos for School Board Trustee and Amazon Alexa for Governor, Homer makes his choice, but the audience doesn't get to see what it is.
However his self-congratulatory "Who you gonna make fun of now, late night comics?" chuckle might give a hint towards which way he swung.
"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XXXI" — the series' 688th episode — airs this Sunday on Fox.