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"I so badly wanted to bury him under a beautiful tree in our yard, to see any glimpse of his tiny body, which is I why I held out so long trying to trust my body," Roper shared
Jade Roper is recovering after undergoing surgery for a missed miscarriage.
The Bachelor alum took to Instagram where she opened up about the heartbreaking tragedy and her road to healing after suffering the pregnancy loss earlier this month.
"Well, here we are. I didn't want or expect it to go this way, but it is. I so badly wanted to bury him under a beautiful tree in our yard, to see any glimpse of his tiny body, which is I why I held out so long trying to trust my body," Roper wrote in an emotional Instagram post Tuesday.
Accompanied by a photo of her in a hospital bed pre-procedure, Roper continued, "But, it is time to heal and get to the other side of this loss. I've been trying to protect my peace and respect my baby, so I've only been sharing bits and pieces here and there to hopefully maybe help someone else feel less alone going through this."
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"I see you, I feel your pain, and I love you," the reality TV star assured before addressing her unborn child. "And to Beau, I carried your body for almost 5 months, your soul for a little less, but I carry you with me in my heart every where and for always."
She later took to her Instagram Story following the procedure to update her fans on her recovery. Posting a selfie with a hospital band around her wrist and a bandage on her hand, Roper, who shares sons Reed, 2, and Brooks, 3, and daughter Emerson, 5, with husband Tanner Tolbert wrote, "Home. Resting," calling herself "heartbroken yet at peace."
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Roper's health update comes just two weeks after she informed her followers that she was "navigating a miscarriage."
"While his heart has stopped and he has stopped growing (for some time now), my body hasn't released the pregnancy yet. I am hoping to do this naturally and am trusting in timing and in my body under the care of my provider," she wrote at the time.
Roper also shared an ultrasound photo and a pic of her baby bump while touching on the "deep and complex grief" she said she and her husband were experiencing.
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"At the ER, woke up feeling awful and needed stat blood work and an ultrasound," Roper wrote in an accompanying Instagram Story post. "Still experiencing a missed miscarriage and my body isn't releasing the pregnancy."
The former ABC personality asked fans to "respect [her] choice to try and go this route naturally" before undergoing surgery. Roper also praised her partner, sharing that Tolbert had been trying to bring some light to the otherwise dark time.
"He's been trying to make me laugh today to help keep our state [of mind] a little lighter with everything going on," she added.
Roper and Tolbert, who have been married since January 2016, had yet to publicly announce the pregnancy when the miscarriage occurred.
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