Erika Jayne Says She Had Suicidal Thoughts Amid Ex Tom Girardi's Legal Troubles

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star opened up about the suicidal thoughts she experienced in her new Bravo documentary, Erika Jayne: Bet It All on Blonde, and how she leaned on her 30-year-old son, Tommy Zizzo, who's a police officer, during the particularly tough time.

"There was nothing hopeful on the horizon for years," Erika said during the two-hour special, which saw her preparing for her Las Vegas comeback show. "That's when you're like, ''Well, why am I here?'' I thought about killing myself many times."

She continued, "I would talk to my son, 'I don't want to do this. I don't want to be here,' and he's like, 'That's great but here's what you are going to do. You are going to dig your heels in and you're going to fight like a motherf---er and you're going to show everyone that they were wrong and you were right and then we can have this conversation after that, but until then, you're going to fight.'"

In addition to detailing Erika's return to the stage, the documentary also explored how the reality star was doing amid the dissolution of her marriage, and the legal battles that followed. Her husband faced lawsuit after lawsuit from former clients who accused him of keeping more than $18 million in funds belonging to them, for himself.

"Between divorce, competency hearings and indictments, and losing everything, and bankruptcy, the last three years have sucked," Erika shared. "I could never have predicted that I would be in this situation with him. But more importantly that he is where he is -- disgraced, disbarred and indicted and in a home for Alzheimer's, dementia."

Erika said she was married to Tom for more than two decades and could not "shrug that off."

"I feel terrible about the clients and that they did not receive what they were entitled to receive," the "Pretty Mess" singer maintained. "These people have been wrong, harmed. They want answers from a law firm that they put their trust in."

Erika's struggles with the past coupled with the pressures she faced to knock her performance out of the park started to weigh on the singer, but it wasn't until she got out there and saw the cheering crowd that she truly felt that she wasn't alone.

"So many people were really rooting for me," Erika said through tears.

Many of the ups and downs she dealt with over the last few years are shown in Erika Jayne: Bet It All on Blonde, with Erika telling Entertainment Tonight that they were "pretty raw."

"This was a crucial time in my life, the biggest opportunity of my performing career, and it is a portrayal of what was really going on," she told the outlet. "Maybe people will walk away with a different understanding of who I am and not a persona so much. Erika Jayne is a person. She is an over-the-top character, larger than life, fantasy, love, escape, glitz, glamour and fun. There ain't a whole lot of that in Bet It All on Blonde. On the stage there is, but in real life, no."

No matter how viewers respond to the documentary, Erika said she feels secure in herself.

"The one thing I am certain about is that I am tough and I will not be broken. Even though I get knocked down, I am not going to stay down," she emphasized. "Anything is possible, truly. You have to fight for it, but you can make things happen for yourself. Life is not over after divorce. Life is not over in middle age. You're going to rise again. You will be able to recreate. You will be able to rebuild. You will come out. You will have scars, but you're going to be OK."

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or has had thoughts of harming themselves or taking their own life, get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress.