Nori's Notebook: Your Favorite North West Parody Recaps 'KUWTK' Battle Over Khloe's Weight & Kim's 'Corpse' Makeover

Each week, "Nori" will be recapping new episodes of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and giving us HER take on all the family drama.

(NOTE: The below was not actually written by North West.)

Sunday's episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" started with two of the least exciting to look at: Auntie Kourtney and Auntie Kendall. Moving on.

In the next scene, Mommy chatted with her sisters about dead people and about who does the makeup for funerals because I'm assuming she wanted to send them samples of KKW Beauty products. Our research shows that dead people are an untapped market.

Later, Mommy's curiosity found herself and her longtime makeup artist and collaborator, Mario Dedivanovic, taking a trip to a mortuary to learn about how to apply makeup on dead people. In what is probably the saddest attempt to promote a makeup line, Mommy and Mario used KWW Beauty products on a pretend dead person to practice applying makeup on the deceased.

Because her and Tristan are two very tall humans, Auntie Khloe is watching her weight during her pregnancy so she doesn't have to give birth to a baby giraffe and thus have to have a C-section. Kris, on the other hand, wanted Auntie Khloe to stop working out, eat and get fat because, according to her, that's the best part of pregnancy. Kris also said gaining a bunch of weight is fine because she has a stash of QuickTrim in her basement waiting for Auntie Khloe as soon as she delivers the baby.

In a very surprising move, Scott got a job. He claimed he was flipping houses. Apparently, next to bottle service, this is his second passion. He asked Kris to be his business partner. I think she felt bad for him, so she agreed, knowing it would probably never happen. Personally, I'd go into business with Mason before I went into business with Scott. Sure, he doesn't have a clue about running an empire, but at least he knows how to show up somewhere on time and won't ditch me for a bottle of vodka and a booth at the club.

As the only males left on the show, Corey and Scott end up spending a lot of time with each other, and they decided to go to Art Basel in Miami together. Not ironically, Scott is too messed up from a night of partying to film a very important scene with Corey. Our producers let Corey know that Scott would be a no-show. Corey reported back to Kris that Scott bailed on him. After 10 years of Scott being a disaster, Kris was still surprised he chose partying over work.

Back in Calabasas, Kris gave Scott a stern speech about being a responsible adult and being fully committed to his business ventures. Scott said he understood, but he'll never put anything, especially work, before a night of clubbing in Miami. That's like asking him to get into a healthy, age-appropriate relationship...not gonna happen.

Auntie Khloe brought Kris to her doctor's appointment to prove to her that she is gaining enough weight during her pregnancy. After hearing from the doctor that Auntie Khloe is on the right track, Kris agreed to step back and trust that Auntie Khloe is taking care of herself.

You guys don't know this yet (this is insider information), but as soon as the baby was born, Kris was likely pressuring Auntie Khloe to take off all the weight she has begged her to put on before a Good American campaign. Good thing you can't overdose on QuickTrim.

Meet me back here next week when I recap Episode 4 of my show.

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